[enyafriend]

For someone who has been doing it for just 2 years, I think you did very well.
Well done!

I briefly ran through what you had written and spotted some grammatical errors here and there, though, nothing major.
Here goes.

Line #4: If I want to encourage people to visit a place, I would say that it's fun and it's great, rather than I think that it'll be fun. So, I would probably omit the と思いますand end it with a です.

Line #6: is okay on it's own, but it'll be better if you add かかりますafter いち時かんぐらい and cancel off the です。

Line #7: the basics is や。。。や。。などがあります。

Line #8: change いろいろto いろいろんな

Line #14: you can improve it by adding the basics, that is たり。。。たり。。ことができます。

Line #15: what did you meant by べんりなたてもの？ convenience stores? If so, that would be コンビニ。

Line #16: as above

You ended it as 行ってみる in casual form. That should be 行ってみってください。

And as for the word 'popular' as in popular attraction, you could also simply write it out as ポピュラ-

I didn't try to add anything on my own or re-phrase them. I merely corrected some mistakes (although I would have written them differently myself).
And the rest had already been corrected earlier by MMM.

All these are just minor mistakes. Once again, well done to you.