Quote:
Originally Posted by Salvanas
One thing I forgot to add, is the amount of spacing and the weird spacing you have between your work.
Also, reading it again, my last critiques still count. You need way more detail.
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yeah, spacing is a problem for me.
I know, I go too fast with not enough detail.
thanks!
Here is a prologue for another story.
The Broken-street society,
It was a place for all the runaways, dropouts, orphans, train hoppers, and girls who got pregnant and couldn't bear to tell their parents.
It started with the six of us trying to find a hideout, the six of us-the founders; Me, Sam, the twins: Sarah and Fiona, Andy, and Tom.
Sarah and Fiona had run away from their divorced parents when they found out they were going to be separated.
Andy was a fifteen year old train hopper.
We had found her running from the cops, (and her mother) and we gave her a place to stay.
Genn was the youngest, only 13 years old; he had lived with his rich alcoholic father. When the business crashed and his father killed himself; Genn came to live with us.
And then there was Tom, he was tall dark and handsome, but quiet and moody. Tom refused to tell us his story.
And there's me, Snake, I think I was the first teenager to ever run
away from the circus.
it is not very good, it goes too fast and there is not much story to it.