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KyleGoetz (Offline)
Attorney at Flaw
 
Posts: 2,965
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Texas
08-07-2009, 04:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ayuSand View Post
こんにちは xxx
私の友与あなたのxxx同人誌
私はそれが好き
私は買いたいんだあなたの同人誌
私は日本の旅行することはできません
ていることが可能通信販売あなたから
よろしくxxx

Can you correct it?
Did you use Babelfish or something? Almost none of your sentences have verbs! I'm wondering how you enjoyed a doujinshi without being able to read it.

I changed some things significantly (including word choices) because I think you went about things wrongly:
Quote:
xxxさんへ

友達にxxxさんの同人誌をもらって、好きでした。
もっと買いたいけど、日本へ行けません。
インターネットで買うことができますか。

xxxより
---
To X,

I received one of your doujinshi from a friend, and I liked it.
I want to buy more, but I cannot go to Japan.
Is it possible to buy your doujinshi over the Internet?

From X
Get rid of all the わたしs and あなたs. Japanese people almost never use the former, and you should use the person's name instead of the latter.

Also, I'll admit I floundered a bit with the level of formality because I'm not sure what you're going for. I also kept things simple and didn't polish it up because I dont have time; it's thrown together quickly, so take it with a grain of salt and trust someone else over me. I'd never write a letter in such a style.

But like I said, I made it quickly: I'm going on a road trip starting today!
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