Quote:
Originally Posted by klazak
Hello, I am a student applying for a Japanese Exchange program at my University. Unfortunately my two years of Japanese classes progressed a bit slowly so my Kanji knowledge is quite limited and we actually only completed a little over half of the Minna no Nihongo book. I had to write a brief study plan for an application for an exchange program that is necessary for further study of the language. If anyone could take a look at this and let me know if it makes sense at all I would greatly appreciate it. I feel like it is probably a little strangely worded because I pretty much had to look it up word by word and had to work with fairly limited conversational skills regarding particle use and endings in particular.
駒澤大学に私は日本の言語と文化の私の理解を向上させ るために願っています。日本社会私自身浸すことによっ て、私は大幅に私の日本語の会話のスキルや文化の知識 を向上させることを期待しています。私は大幅に私の漢 字の知識と会話のスキルや日本語の語彙を向上させるた めに願って駒澤大学で勉強しています。これらのスキル を向上させるために, 私は大学でいくつかのコースを取ることを計画していま す。私は外国為替の学生に提供されるコースを見てきま したやいくつかの興味深いテーマを発見した。私の日本 語を向上させるために、私は日本語コースや中級日本語 コースの紹介で登録されます。社会の私の理解を向上さ せるために、私は日本の外務省のコースの一部に入学し たいと考えています。私は日本社会のコースは非常に興 味深いものになると思う。私はまた、日本の思想のコー スに興味を持っています。私はまた、漢字の辞書を勉強 するクラスの外で時間を費やすだろう。
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Are you allowed to receive assistance with this? For now I am just giving general pointers rather than actual corrections to be safe.
1. Uses 「私」
way too many times. I would cut 60 to 70% of it.
2. Whole essay sounds "translated" from another language. I could almost "see" the original words and phrases that you tried to translate into Japanese. When I can do this, I know am reading unnatural-sounding Japanese.
3. Some particle mistakes but not too many. Biggest and most visible mistake is with 「や」.
4. います-endings are good but する-endings are not. する includes all dictionary forms of verbs. Also, だろう-ending is no good. though many Japanese-learners use it.
5. Thread title says "application essay" but at one point in the essay, you say 「駒澤大学で勉強しています」.