Please help me to read this English sentence:

[Koir]

Originally Posted by girigiri

That is possible Koir. I'll keep it in mind - though the revisions themselves are (I think) colloquial, it is the explanatory notes that are the more academic in phrasing. I'm sure that ゆりさん won't hesitate to ask for clarification if it is necessary.

Undoubtedly. I was just raising the possibility that your explanations of revisions may need explanations themselves, which may defeat their purpose

[ozkai]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi, Koir. Thanks as always.
If I don’t pay, they wouldn’t do anything. They would not give a ceremony or pray for the cats. I’m thinking to quit paying.


Thanks a lot, Koir.
Thank you for your continued help.

Koir is doing a great job here..

I can agree with you as you say, why bother paying when you can use a place like this.. AWESOME

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by girigiri

ゆりさんへ
あっ。 なるほど。Beignetsが女性だけに供給されている。

Hi, girigiri.
Both men and women eat beignets, but the most customers are women.
Many Japanese men don’t like sweets. The number of men who like eating sweets is increasing, but still the most customers of doughnuts or beignets are women and children here.

Working on the middle section.
The first reason would be ... would だろう　→　might かも
too much for a Japanese woman. The second would be that they → Pronouns need to match their nouns for number. woman, she: women, they.

OK. I should have written “might”, and “The first reason might be that three large beignets are too much for Japanese women.” Thanks.

For local English, "hate" seems too strong a word to be used here.
I have written a passage in terms that I would use (with a different feel), and with what seems to be a missing piece of information added ...

I’m sorry; I don’t see what this sentence means very well.
“Hate” is too strong in the post. OK. And you would write “with a different feel” instead of “hate”.
How would you put “with a different feel” in the sentences?
“They are with a different feel getting their hands greasy.” Is this right?

You might like to use that as a start point, but the main body of your address is written in a chatty style, so you will need to make appropriate adjustments to maintain the tenor of your original.

I didn’t know my writing had a chatty style. I intended to write politely. I seem to have failed.

The larger (US) beignet is not eaten with the aid of cutlery. Its size can be intimidating and it seems messy. Flying powdered sugar and greasy fingers no more appeal to the Japanese sense of table etiquette than does the slurping of drinks to that of the westerner. More to my liking, the smaller beignet is picked up with a fork. Which do you prefer?

I prefer eating small beignets with a fork.
By the way, western sweets are too big for Japanese women. Every time I go to food stores in the U.S. I’m surprised seeing the size of their sweets and food.

ちなみに: If I may be permitted questions of my own -
Beignetsが女性だけに供給されている。
1. How is "beignetｓ" written in Japanese? ベイグネット？

ベニエです。
This is the web site of Café Du Monde in Japanese language. Just for information.
http://www.cafedumonde.jp/products/index.html

2. My sentence looks to be incorrect. What is the proper word order there、and should I have used different words? もしかして、女の人に"Beignets"がだけ供給されている。(� ��している）？

I would say「もしかして、ベニエは女の人にだけ売られているん ですか？」

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

I’m sorry; I don’t see what this sentence means very well.
“Hate” is too strong in the post. OK. And you would write “with a different feel” instead of “hate”.
How would you put “with a different feel” in the sentences?
“They are with a different feel getting their hands greasy.” Is this right?

girigiri wasn't very clear in his explanation. "With a different feel" is referring to his perception that using "hate" to describe the reaction to beignets is too strong of a word. Instead, "dislike" would work better in describing the reaction: if a person hates something, they most likely don't want it anywhere near them. Disliking something could mean you don't like something, but you're willing to tolerate it being nearby.

I didn’t know my writing had a chatty style. I intended to write politely. I seem to have failed.

A chatty writing style can be polite as well. I have no problems with your writing style, Yuri.

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by OzukakiBurasuki

"cats’ death." - It should probably be "cat's death" because even though you mean one of your cats, the death is happening to one cat.

Hi. OzukakiBurasuki. オズカキ・ブラスキ？
Now I see, I should have written “It’s the anniversary of death of one of my cats”.
Hmm…Using “of” three times seems to be annoying.
Anyway, “It’s the anniversary of one of my cats’ death.” sounds strange. You are right.

"to them to cremate it." - It would be more natural to just say "to cremate it." and leave "to them" out the second time because you already told us before "16,000 yen" that you were paying them.

Japanese people always leave out so many words when we speak Japanese, that I try to be careful not to leave words out in English, but I don’t seem to know how to write English naturally.

"the company gives notice me" - Most english-speakers would probably of used past tense in this. It would most likely be worded as "the company gave notice to me" instead.

“The company gave notice to me every year” Is this right?

"I would have a grave in a yard" - It would be better to exchange "have" with "need" since readers would understand if you would need a grave yet if you just say they "would have" it doesn't explain your situation.

Sorry, I don’t understand.
“I would need a grave in a yard if I lived in the countryside.” sounds different from what I wanted to mean.
It sounds like that “I live in the city, so I don’t need a grave.”
Should I have written “I would be able to have a grave in a yard.”?

"but here in Kawasaki, people... " - It would probably be helpful if you dropped the "but" and started a new sentence with "Here in Kawasaki" because you have a large run-on sentence already with many commas. It might be fine the way it is, but it would be better to start a new sentence so it wouldn't confuse readers.

OK. Short sentences are better.
I used to be told to connect sentences in English conversation classes. I thought that sentence was not long, but it was too long. OK.

"when I still have a cat of my mother" - It would most likely be more useful if you change this sentence to "when I still have my mom's cat" since many English-speakers don't use "of" much. They prefer to use apostrophes to show possession. (i.e. mom's cat)

I didn’t know you prefer apostrophes. Thanks.

"So, of course the cat named Chihsuke is very cute." - Many American readers would probably not expect this and would write the same thing, but "So, of course" would need another comma after since you are using that "of course" as an extra, unneeded part of the sentence.

I don’t understand “Many American readers would probably not expect this and would write the same thing,” This sentence wasn’t supposed to be written, and you would write the same thing?????

Besides that, nice translation.

Thanks a lot, OzukakiBurasuki.

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by girigiri

With some exceptions, I substantially agree with OzukakiBurasuki.

This being subjunctive, the wording is reasonably acceptable. Unless one prefers the academic "Were I to live in the country-side, with land enough to bury them in, they would have a grave in the (back) yard." that is. Note: it is the cats' graves, "I would have a grave" is unexpected - though understood. "I would give them graves" would pass without comment.

"Were I to live in the country-side, with land enough to bury them in, they would have a grave in the (back) yard." ??
I don’t understand. Who are “they”? The cats? Could it be that you don’t say you have your cats’ graves, but the dead cats have them?

"but here in Kawasaki, people... " - I agree with the analysis for this sentence, but not with the proffered solution. "But" shouldn't be used to begin a sentence***, but "however" doesn't have that same restriction. " . However, here in Kawasaki" would preserve the contrastive structure.

I’ve been told the same thing not to use “but” to start sentences. However, There are many sentences which have “but” at the beginnings of them in novels. Why novelists use “but” to start sentences?
Besides, “however” sounds too serious for me.

"So, of course the cat named Chihsuke is very cute." - "So, of course" declares the foregoing statement to be the reason for the stated following condition. Effectively, the statement is then, "the cat named Chihsuke is very cute because I still have her."

I wanted to say like this: “It’s true that a cat is cute, but having cats is too expensive.
I confess I don’t like having cats in my house because I have allergy to cats.

For ordinary purposes, the passage passes muster in its original form. Only careful reading will show any deficiencies.

I will read a lot of English. I know I need it, but reading a lot carefully takes time.

*** Whoever made that rule ignored at least 400 years of normal usage in doing so. However, we are now stuck with the said ridiculous rule for written passages.

I prefer to learn conversational style. I won’t enter university or write thesis any more.
I just want to write casual letters and talk with people.

Thanks!

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by ozkai

Koir is doing a great job here..

I can agree with you as you say, why bother paying when you can use a place like this.. AWESOME

Hi, ozkai.
"a place like this" ... Is that your balcony? It seems to be a quiet neighborhood.
Unfortunately, I can’t find such good spaces around here. If I had a car, I would bring the cat’s body to your neighborhood.

[YuriTokoro]

Could you correct my English?


"Meals Out With Friends"

I sometimes eat out with friends after dance lessons. Some Japanese restaurants have “a drink bar”. I love it.
I don’t know you have “a drink bar” in the menu in your country. It means like “a buffet of soft-drinks and teas”. Do you have such menu in restaurants?
There seems to be a rule. When you order “a drink bar”, you can use only one cup and one glass. If you want to drink an orange juice and a Coke, you drink one of them first. After you finish drinking it, you can take a Coke at the bar.
If they don’t have the rule, some costumers would order “a drink bar” and share drinks with their friends who came with them and didn’t order “a drink bar”.
Even if you don’t order “a drink bar”, you can drink water. In most Japanese restaurants, water is free.


Thank you.

Wikipedia in Japanese language : ドリンクバー - Wikipedia

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Could you correct my English?


"Meals Out With Friends"

I sometimes eat out with friends after dance lessons. Some Japanese restaurants have a "drink bar”, which means “a buffet of soft drinks and teas”. I love it.

There seems to be a rule. When you order a drink bar, you can use only one cup and one glass. For example, if you want to have an orange juice and a Coke, you completely finish one then get the other drink at the bar.

If they don’t have the rule, some customers will order a drink bar and share their drinks with friends who didn’t order one for themselves.
Even if you don’t order a drink bar, you can usually drink water for free in most Japanese restaurants.

Do you have such a thing in your local restaurants?

Thank you.

Wikipedia in Japanese language : ドリンクバー - Wikipedia

Interesting place, Yuri. In my experience, Western countries don't have a similiar kind of restaurant. The closest I suppose it could get is the concept of an "open bar" or "cash bar" inside a hotel. Of course, that's only with alcoholic beverages and not orange juice or Coke.

As for the composition of the post:

When you are bringing up a term you want the reader to understand, it's best to put it in quotation marks just once. The explanation can be handled in the same way. Afterwards, you can be reasonably certain the reader understands without interrupting the post with distracting punctuation.

Also, I removed one of the two inquiries you made to the reader about the availability of something like a drink bar in their country, and moved the other to the end of the composition. This way, it doesn't seem too overeager for a response and gets the reader thinking about similar places that may exist in their country.

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by Koir

Interesting place, Yuri. In my experience, Western countries don't have a similar kind of restaurant. The closest I suppose it could get is the concept of an "open bar" or "cash bar" inside a hotel. Of course, that's only with alcoholic beverages and not orange juice or Coke.

Hi. Koir, thanks as always.
I’ve never heard about open bar or cash bar. Do you pour beverages by yourself in a hotel?

As for the composition of the post:

When you are bringing up a term you want the reader to understand, it's best to put it in quotation marks just once. The explanation can be handled in the same way. Afterwards, you can be reasonably certain the reader understands without interrupting the post with distracting punctuation.

Only once quotation marks. OK.
I inserted distracting sentences because I didn’t know if you have same kind of things. If you have, I would seem to be silly. I should have asked you if you have it before I wrote the post.

Thanks a lot for your great revision, Koir!