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Hello. Please check my grammarT_T
Hello.
I know that I am always getting help with checking grammar from you, but I really need you help!!! Could you please check my grammar? This essay is for Computer Science and is about ACM. English is not my native language, so it was very hard to put in my words and change to smooth English sentences, but I think my essay looks very awkward. So, I need your help! Please correct my grammar mistakes or word choice mistakes. I'm very happy if you change my sentences to very smooth English. Thank you very much!!! Professional Code of Conduct I feel that ACM code represents a reasonable set of professional standards for computer professionals because it is the organization which people of the various fields cooperate in the worldwide scale. Also, it is because the ethics of the people who organize the organization are making efforts to create useful computer for our welfare. I believe that it is reasonable because the people who are interested in computer programming all over the world get together and compete themselves. However, human commit mistakes, so if the side where people's wisdom is managed and studied has to be steady, they will go to the wrong way. I think that it is necessary to subdivide the various solutions which ACM holds up, or it is necessary to take the ethics of the people who participate in ACM to the high quality. In other words, usual education is very important. I think it's tied with development of a computer to improve the usual educational quality. Also, I think it's also leading to development of ACM. |
I'm not very good with grammar, but the second sentence in the second paragraph is really confusing. I think it's the commas, but I'm not sure. It should say "humans" not human.
You said "I think" a lot. If it's really important, then I would change it up a bit so it doesn't seem like you're repeating yourself. Sorry if I'm not much help. |
The main problem I can see with the essay is it talks quite a lot about "ACM" but doesn't really explain what it is. As a result, it assumes that the reader knows all about it from the start, which may not always be the case.
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I added a sentence to explain what the ACM is using my own words. Please let me know if this explanation is not enough. Thank you :) Professional Code of Conduct ACM is the organization going to improve programming of computers globally. I feel that the ACM code represents a reasonable set of professional standards for computer professionals because it is the organization which people of various fields cooperate on a worldwide scale. Also, it is because the ethics of the people who organize the code are making efforts to create useful computers for our welfare. I believe that it is reasonable because the people who are interested in computer programming all over the world have a chance to get together and compete themselves. However, humans commit mistakes, so if the side where people's wisdom is managed and studied has to be steady, they will go to the wrong way. I think that it is necessary to subdivide the various solutions which ACM holds up, or it is necessary to take the ethics of the people who participate in ACM to the highest quality. In other words, general education is very important. I think it is tied with the development of a computer to improve the usual educational quality. Also, I think it is leading to the development of ACM. |
I edit really slowly, but if you hang on for a few minutes, I will post grammar corrections for you. :)
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I've tried to retain as much of your original tone and meaning as possible. In a few places, I had to guess at your meaning. Definitely double-check that what I have changed is what you want it to mean!
Professional Code of Conduct I feel that the Association for Computing Machinery ("ACM") Code of Ethics and Professional Conduct represents a reasonable set of professional standards for computer professionals because it was made by an organization which people of the various fields cooperate with on a worldwide scale. Also, it is because of the ethics of the people who organize the association, that they are making efforts to create useful computers for our welfare. I believe that it is reasonable because people all over the world who are interested in computer programming get together and compete. However, humans commit mistakes, so if the side where people's wisdom is managed and studied has to be steady, they will go to the wrong way (I'm sorry, but I am not sure what you mean in this sentence). I think that it is necessary to subdivide the various solutions which ACM holds up, or it is necessary to take the ethics of the people who participate in ACM to the highest quality. In other words, general education is very important. It is tied with development of a computer to improve educational quality. Finally, I think is is leading to development of ACM. Hope this was helpful! If you want, tell me a little more about what you mean in the second sentence of Paragraph 2, and I will be able to check your grammar for that as well. |
Thank you very much, FeyOberon!!! :)
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Please check my grammar T_T;
Hello.
Thank you for helping me everytime!!! This is my research paper...it's very long. Could you please look at the sentences below and check my grammar? Thank you!!! How to deal with foodborne illness and food allergy Foodborne illness and food allergy are increasing at advanced nations particularly in the 20th century. Foods, drinks and air are very important for us to live. We have to take nourishment and water necessary to maintain health. However, there are problems with the foods and the drinks that we are always eating and drinking. Patients for the foods and the drinks are increasing right not more than the past. The illnesses by food are divided into two big categories, which are foodborne illness and food allergy. Foodborne illness is the symptoms which are stomachache, vomit, and fever that are caused by taking polluted foods and drinks which contains harmful substances. Our daily lives are becoming quite clean than the past; however, this thing leads to decline of our immunity, so the foodborne illness is increasing. In the United States seventy six millions of people are taken sick every year, and five thousand people die every year (Stamey 48). One of the causes why the people who live in the United Stated get sick is because of bacteria. Breaking out and taking out the bacteria’s toxin cause to pollute the foods and drinks, so the foodborne illness occurs. According to bacterial agents, campylobacter, salmonella, and shigella are detected most in the United States. First, if we infect campylobacter that is detected from the meat which are our daily products, beef, and pork, it is the fearful bacterium which causes foodborne illness. The symptoms of the campylobacter are fever, stomachache, diarrhea, and bloody feces which are like the enteritis symptom. When we get a treatment for it, we get better in two to five days, but there is also a prolonged possibility. Second, we infect salmonella if heating food is not enough or the food is raw. Concretely, egg, chicken, pork, beef and the dairy products which are not sterilized in low temperature have a possibility of salmonella. After the infection, the symptoms which diarrhea, high fever, and intense stomachache show up within twelve to seventy two hours, and these continue for four to seven days. Third, if we are infected shigella, the symptoms which damages of epidermal cell, fever, and bloody diarrhea occur in the large intestine tens of times a day. The cause is eating pollution foods and drinking pollution water (“Diagnosis and Management of Foodborne illness” 53). In the United States meals eaten outside the house can be dangerous. The first reason is a problem of HACCP plan. HACCP plan is the management technique which analyzes the factor which causes harm on the process (hazard) and manages the part where that can be managed most efficiently (CCP; indispensable management point) successively and secures safety when producing foods on food hygiene (Stamey 48). This HACCP plan is controlling meals at the restaurant; however, there is a fact that it is not enough to protect us against the foodborne illness. Therefore, according to Lewis’s report, DuPont, chief of internal medicine at St. Luke’s Episcopal Hospital in Houston and member of the INFECTIOUS DISEASE NEWS editorial advisory board, said “ HACCP system may need to be made to reduce the risk for foodborne illness outbreaks that originate in commercial dining establishments” (9). In other words, though HACCP plan is being done, why does the catering industry cause foodborne illness? That can be because a way of thinking to health management and leadership is not reliable. Second, when the person who does cooking and preserves a food in the state which isn't washing a hand neatly, and the person does not have knowledge about foodborne illness, hazards occur to visitors and employees. Third, when we eat fresh raw greens and a raw fruit, if the means to examine whether it is polluted or not polluted by bacteria is immature, the possibility to get the boodborne illness is high. Also, if there are unseasonable vegetables or fruits, these may polluted by polluted water (Lewis 9). The system to exclude the alien substance at time with alien substances exists in our form, and this is called an immune response. It is called allergy that this reaction exceeded the area where a body is defended. When our bodies judge the food which isn't an alien substance primarily as a harm thing, we become allergic to foods (Sodhi 66). Scientists cannot explain clearly even now why the food allergy happens (“Food Allergies On The Rise…(Cover story)” 1). In the United States 30,000 emergency rooms are used by food allergy and 200 people die every year (Sodhi 66). The substances which causes food allergy is caller allergen and are the eight foods is milk, egg, peanut, tree nuts, fish, shellfish, soybeans and wheat happens (“Food Allergies On The Rise…(Cover story)” 1) . According to the study of Sodhi, “when both parents have allergies, there is 67 % chance that the children will also have them” (66). Children’s food allergy is increasing eighteen percent in the past ten years. These children have the time when they will be in the most terrible state in the allergic reaction called Anaphylaxis. The anaphylaxis is increased 25 % during 1990 to 2000 in Minnesota, and there is data that its number was large for less than twenty years old. Anaphylaxis causes a problem of both of dyspnoea and shock. If it is not treated, the Anaphylaxis reaction becomes fatal. Many scientists are desperate to find out the cause why hyperesthesia happens. It's necessary to know what kind of food includes an allergen and whether we have to avoid stopping such allergic reaction. Also, it is important to have an epinephrine for self management (“Food Allergies On The Rise…(Cover story)” 1). In conclusion, the illnesses by food are divided into two big categories, which are foodborne illness and food allergy. Technology is important for our lives; however, our health is most important. The health management and knowledge for foodborbe illness and food allergy are insufficient right now, so we hope that the United States becomes a medically advanced country than now. |
ダメだよ、いちいち新しいスレッド作ったら。前回のス レを発展させていった方が、自分の名前とＪＦでの目的 をもっとアピールできると思わない？
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kyorochan, perhaps you could start one thread and update it with new posts as you need to instead of starting additional threads with similar titles and central idea.
Just trying to help. |
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Thank you for telling me that!! :) |
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Thank you. I did not know how to use forum well.. Thank you for telling me that!! :) |
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Hello.
I am sorry that I am always getting your help with correcting my grammar mistakes... I was very happy when you guys helped me a lot!!!! This time, I wrote a research paper about foodborne illness and food allergy. The style is MLA style. If you don't mind, could you please correct my grammar mistakes? If you find something that is not smooth English, could you please change it to smooth English? Thank you for reading!!! How to Deal with Foodborne Illness and Food Allergy Foodborne illness and food allergy are increasing in advanced nations, particularly in the 20th century. Foods, drinks, and air are very important for survival. We have to take nourishment and water necessary to maintain health. However, there are problems with the foods and the drinks that we are always consuming. Patients for the foods and the drinks are increasing right now more than ever. Food-related illnesses are divided into two big categories, which are foodborne illness and food allergy. Foodborne illness is the symptoms which are stomachache, vomit, and fever that are caused by taking polluted foods and drinks which contains harmful substances. Our daily lives are becoming quite clean than the past; however, this thing leads to decline of our immunity, so the foodborne illness is increasing. In the United States seventy six millions of people are taken sick every year, and five thousand people die every year (Stamey 48). One of the causes why the people who live in the United Stated get sick is because of bacteria. Breaking out and taking out the bacteria’s toxin cause to pollute the foods and drinks, so the foodborne illness occurs. According to bacterial agents, campylobacter, salmonella, and shigella are detected most in the United States. First, if we infect campylobacter that is detected from the meat which are our daily products, beef, and pork, it is the fearful bacterium which causes foodborne illness. The symptoms of the campylobacter are fever, stomachache, diarrhea, and bloody feces which are like the enteritis symptom. When we get a treatment for it, we get better in two to five days, but there is also a prolonged possibility. Second, we infect salmonella if heating food is not enough or the food is raw. Concretely, egg, chicken, pork, beef and the dairy products which are not sterilized in low temperature have a possibility of salmonella. After the infection, the symptoms which diarrhea, high fever, and intense stomachache show up within twelve to seventy two hours, and these continue for four to seven days. Third, if we are infected shigella, the symptoms which damages of epidermal cell, fever, and bloody diarrhea occur in the large intestine tens of times a day. The cause is eating pollution foods and drinking pollution water (“Diagnosis and Management of Foodborne illness” 53). In the United States meals eaten outside the house can be dangerous. The first reason is a problem of HACCP plan. HACCP plan is the management technique which analyzes the factor which causes harm on the process (hazard) and manages the part where that can be managed most efficiently (CCP; indispensable management point) successively and secures safety when producing foods on food hygiene (Stamey 48). This HACCP plan is controlling meals at the restaurant; however, there is a fact that it is not enough to protect us against the foodborne illness. Therefore, according to Lewis’s report, DuPont, chief of internal medicine at St. Luke’s Episcopal Hospital in Houston and member of the INFECTIOUS DISEASE NEWS editorial advisory board, said “ HACCP system may need to be made to reduce the risk for foodborne illness outbreaks that originate in commercial dining establishments” (9). In other words, though HACCP plan is being done, why does the catering industry cause foodborne illness? That can be because a way of thinking to health management and leadership is not reliable. Second, when the person who does cooking and preserves a food in the state which isn't washing a hand neatly, and the person does not have knowledge about foodborne illness, hazards occur to visitors and employees. Third, when we eat fresh raw greens and a raw fruit, if the means to examine whether it is polluted or not polluted by bacteria is immature, the possibility to get the boodborne illness is high. Also, if there are unseasonable vegetables or fruits, these may polluted by polluted water (Lewis 9). The system to exclude the alien substance at time with alien substances exists in our form, and this is called an immune response. It is called allergy that this reaction exceeded the area where a body is defended. When our bodies judge the food which isn't an alien substance primarily as a harm thing, we become allergic to foods (Sodhi 66). Scientists cannot explain clearly even now why the food allergy happens (“Food Allergies On The Rise…(Cover story)” 1). In the United States 30,000 emergency rooms are used by food allergy and 200 people die every year (Sodhi 66). The substances which causes food allergy is caller allergen and are the eight foods is milk, egg, peanut, tree nuts, fish, shellfish, soybeans and wheat happens (“Food Allergies On The Rise…(Cover story)” 1) . According to the study of Sodhi, “when both parents have allergies, there is 67 % chance that the children will also have them” (66). Children’s food allergy is increasing eighteen percent in the past ten years. These children have the time when they will be in the most terrible state in the allergic reaction called Anaphylaxis. The anaphylaxis is increased 25 % during 1990 to 2000 in Minnesota, and there is data that its number was large for less than twenty years old. Anaphylaxis causes a problem of both of dyspnoea and shock. If it is not treated, the Anaphylaxis reaction becomes fatal. Many scientists are desperate to find out the cause why hyperesthesia happens. It's necessary to know what kind of food includes an allergen and whether we have to avoid stopping such allergic reaction. Also, it is important to have an epinephrine for self management (“Food Allergies On The Rise…(Cover story)” 1). In conclusion, the illnesses by food are divided into two big categories, which are foodborne illness and food allergy. Technology is important for our lives; however, our health is most important. The health management and knowledge for foodborbe illness and food allergy are insufficient right now, so we hope that the United States becomes a medically advanced country than now. |
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I posted my research paper on previous forum. If you don't mind, may I have your help? Thank you:) |
Your two threads, both with virtually identical titles have been combined. There is no need to make a new thread every time you want to add a question...
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Thank you for helping me!! :) |
I am sorry everyone. I did not know how to use the forum. I will be careful about my mistake next time.:o
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Please correct my introduction :)
Hello.
I'm sorry to post very long sentences... I want your help!! Please correct my introduction of my research paper!! Thank you :) How to deal with foodborne illness and food allergy Foodborne illness and food allergy are increasing at advanced nations particularly in the 20th century. Foods, drinks and air are very important for us to live. We have to take nourishment and water necessary to maintain health. However, there are problems with the foods and the drinks that we are always eating and drinking. Patients for the foods and the drinks are increasing right not more than the past. The illnesses by food are divided into two big categories, which are foodborne illness and food allergy. |
1) Capitalization: Every word in a title should be capitalized except the articles ("a," "an," and "the") and prepositions ("to" and "with" in your title)
2) General Stylistic Advice: Generally, be as concise as possible. Use one word when it will serve in the place of two or more. 3) You might consider striking "air" from Sentence 2 because it does not address your subject matter. 4) You might consider striking Sentence 5 ("Patients for the foods . . ."). It seems to be stating the same thing as the first sentence. How to Deal with Foodborne Illness and Food Allergy Foodborne illness and food allergy are increasing in advanced nations, particularly in the 20th century. Foods, drinks, and air are very important for survival. We have to take nourishment and water necessary to maintain health. However, there are problems with the foods and drinks that we are always consuming. Patients for the foods and the drinks are increasing right now more than ever. Food-related illnesses are divided into two categories: foodborne illness and food allergy. Again, hope this was helpful! |
Thank you FeyOberon!!
It was very helpful!!!!:) Can someone please check one of my body paragraph? Thank you!! Foodborne illness is the symptoms which are stomachache, vomit, and fever that are caused by taking polluted foods and drinks which contains harmful substances. Our daily lives are becoming quite clean than the past; however, this thing leads to decline of our immunity, so the foodborne illness is increasing. In the United States seventy six millions of people are taken sick every year, and five thousand people die every year. One of the causes why the people who live in the United States get sick is because of bacteria. Breaking out and taking out the bacteria’s toxin cause to pollute the foods and drinks, so the foodborne illness occurs. According to bacterial agents, campylobacter, salmonella, and shigella are detected most in the United States. First, if we infect campylobacter that is detected from the meat which are our daily products, beef, and pork, it is the fearful bacterium which causes foodborne illness. The symptoms of the campylobacter are fever, stomachache, diarrhea, and bloody feces which are like the enteritis symptom. When we get a treatment for it, we get better in two to five days, but there is also a prolonged possibility. Second, we infect salmonella if heating food is not enough or the food is raw. Concretely, egg, chicken, pork, beef and the dairy products which are not sterilized in low temperature have a possibility of salmonella. After the infection, the symptoms which diarrhea, high fever, and intense stomachache show up within twelve to seventy two hours, and these continue for four to seven days. Third, if we are infected shigella, the symptoms which damages of epidermal cell, fever, and bloody diarrhea occur in the large intestine tens of times a day. The cause is eating pollution foods and drinking pollution water. I'm sorry to write these things...If I made you feel bad, I'm sorry. Thank you for reading!! :) |
You are most welcome! I'm happy to be helpful.
I'm going home now (five o'clock at the office!), but if you still need help with your paper tomorrow, I will try to make time for you. When is your paper due? (Sorry if it was due today :eek:) Oh, and I tend to be not very good at explaining things, so if I post something confusing, please let me know. |
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I'm very happy ^^ The paper is due on Wednesday, April 22nd. My whole paragraphs on the paper is on sled #15. I'm sorry that I did not post this more earlier. But if you will help me, I am very happy. Thank you for helping me a lot!!! |
Here is Paragraph 2:
1) You might consider using "contaminated" in place of "polluted" for it to read a little more smoothly. 2) Also, just so you know, I haven't been leaving any markers where the only change is a deleted word. Foodborne illness is caused by taking polluted foods and drinks which contain harmful substances. Symptoms are stomachache, vomit, and fever. Our daily lives are becoming much cleaner than in the past; however, this leads to decline of our immunity, so foodborne illness is increasing. In the United States seventy-six million people become ill every year, and five thousand people die every year (Stamey 48). One of the causes of illness for people who live in the United Stated is bacteria. Breaking out and taking out the bacteria’s toxin (I'm not sure what this means?) causes pollution of the foods and drinks, leading to foodborne illness. According to bacterial agents, campylobacter, salmonella, and shigella are detected more than any other foodbourne bacteria in the United States (It was unclear whether you meant more than other bacteria or more often in the US than in other countries). First, infection from campylobacter comes from the meats, such as beef and pork, which are consumed daily; it is a fearful bacterium which causes foodborne illness. The symptoms of campylobacter are fever, stomachache, diarrhea, and bloody feces which are like the symptoms of enteritis (Since you don't discuss enteritis anywhere else in your paper, I would suggest deleting this). When treated, symptoms improve in two-to-five days, but there is also a prolonged possibility of recurrence. Second, infection from salmonella can happen if food is undercooked or raw. Specifically, eggs, chicken, pork, beef and dairy products which are not sterilized and kept at a low temperature have a possibility of salmonella. After infection, symptoms including diarrhea, high fever, and intense stomachache show up within twelve to seventy-two hours, and these continue for four-to-seven days. Third, shigella infection causes symptoms of damage to epidermal cells, fever, and bloody diarrhea to occur in the large intestine tens of times a day. The cause is eating polluted foods and drinking polluted water (“Diagnosis and Management of Foodborne illness” 53). I'm working on the next one. If I can't get another posted during my lunch hour, I'll try to get it to you before I leave work. :) |
I just realized that the word "foodbourne" should be hyphenated: "food-bourne" wherever it appears, because it is a compound word.
In the United States, meals eaten outside the home can be dangerous. The first reason is a problem with the Hazard Analysis and Critical Control Point (HACCP) plan. The HACCP plan is a management technique which analyzes harmful factors in processing (hazards) and manages the part where hazards can be controlled most efficiently (CCP; indispensable management point) successively, securing safety and sanitation during food production (Stamey 48). This HACCP plan is controlling meals at restaurants; however, it is a fact that it is not enough to protect against food-borne illness everywhere. Therefore, according to Lewis’s report, Dr. Herbert L. DuPont, chief of internal medicine at St. Luke’s Episcopal Hospital in Houston and member of the Infectious Disease News editorial advisory board, said the “HACCP system may need to be made to reduce the risk for foodborne illness outbreaks that originate in commercial dining establishments” (9). In other words, though HACCP is in place, why does the dining and catering industry cause food-borne illness? That can be because a way of thinking of health management and leadership is not reliable (I'm not certain what your exact meaning is in this sentence). Second, when the employee who cooks and preserves food does not properly wash his or her hands, and does not have knowledge about food-borne illness, hazards occur for visitors and employees. Third, when we eat fresh raw greens and fruit, if the means to examine whether it is contaminated by bacteria or not is undeveloped, the possibility of getting a food-borne illness is high. Also, unseasonable vegetables or fruits may be polluted by impure water (Lewis 9). :) |
I think Koir had said this about your first essay, but a general rule to go by when writing an essay or paper is that you assume your reader knows nothing about your subject matter. That's why I added things like the full name of HACCIP and a brief definition of dyspnoea. If I hadn't been online to readily research these things, part of your meaning would have been lost to me. You want your readers to easily understand your subject matter.
Also, when using parentheses within parentheses, instead of using a second pair of (), use brackets []. I made this change with your citations to ("Food Allergies On The Rise...[Cover Story]"). The system to exclude alien substances from our bodies is called an immune response. It is called an allergy when this reaction exceeds the extent to which a body needs defended. When our bodies judge a food, which is not an alien substance, to be primarily a harmful thing, we become allergic to that food (Sodhi 66). Even now, Scientists cannot explain clearly why food allergies happen (“Food Allergies On The Rise…[Cover story]” 1). In the United States, there are 30,000 food allergy related emergency room visits and 200 related deaths every year (Sodhi 66). The substances which cause food allergies are called allergens and include milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, fish, shellfish, soybeans, and wheat (“Food Allergies On The Rise…[Cover story]” 1). According to a study by Sodhi, “when both parents have allergies, there is 67% chance that the children will also have them” (66). Children’s food allergies have increased eighteen percent in the past ten years. The most terrible state of allergic reaction is called anaphylaxis. Instances of anaphylaxis increased by twenty-five percent during 1990 to 2000 in Minnesota, and there is data that the number was high for those under twenty years old. Anaphylaxis causes a problem of both dyspnoea (difficulty breathing) and shock. If it is not treated, the anaphylactic reaction becomes fatal. Many scientists are desperate to find out the cause of hyperesthesia (From what I can tell, hyperesthesia is a nerve and sensory condition that is unrelated to food allergies :confused: You might want to strike this reference to it.). It is necessary to know what kind of food could be an allergen and whether an allergic reaction needs to be avoided. Also, it is important for those with food allergies to carry epinephrine for self-management (“Food Allergies On The Rise…[Cover story]” 1). Okay, almost done! |
Here's your conclusion with just a few changes. Hope it helps you! :vsign:
In conclusion, food-related illnesses are divided into two major categories, food-borne illness and food allergy. Technology is important for our lives; however, our health is more important. The knowledge of food-bourne illnesses and food allergies, and the necessary health management methods are insufficient right now. We hope that the United States continues to make medical advances in this field. To anyone who might be irritated: Sorry about the multiple posts! I didn't even think of that until about two seconds ago. From here on, I will try to avoid doing it this way. :o |
Thank you FeyOberon!!!!!
I am very happy!!! Thank you for helping a lot!!!!:) :) :) |
Persuasive Essay...
Hello:)
Thank you for helping me every time!! Today, I wrote a persuasive essay. My essay topic is "sodas and high-sugar foods should not be sold in public school vending machines." Please check my essay!! I was wondering that I should use "I think" or " I agree with...," but I was not sure, so I did not use them so much. Thank you:) Most students get money from their parents. They take the money to their schools and use it for their consumption. The thing which we lay eyes most often at school is a vending machine. It sells the sweet foods and drinks that students like most. It is convenient to be able to buy these products for less than two dollars, but these are very unwholesome. Today, the numbers of children, who are having cavities, obesity, and bone fractures by small accidents, are increasing because of sodas and high-sugar foods. Children tend to have cavities. That is because foods including sugar and a soda are being consumed two quarts per day. The reason why these kinds of children exist is the advertising effect of Coca-Cola. The Coca-Cola company aims at least 25 % of consumption every year. Therefore, this company is increasing young children as customers for increasing efficiently. A soda has strong acidity, so a tooth melts when it soaked in the soda. This drink begins to melt a tooth in one minute. This strong acid drink will be the cause of a cavity. Moreover, the probability that the students who doesn't blush their teeth will be a cavity is very high. Obesity is a huge problem in the United States right now. Many people believe that the cause of obesity is a fast food like McDonald, but sodas and high-sugar foods in vending machines are also the cause of obesity. A fruit juice, for example, an orange juice is healthier than a soft drink; however, the orange juice is actually the high-sugar and high-calorie beverage. If the students do not exercise after drinking this kind of beverage, they have a possibility to become obesity. By the way, American Institute of Medicine assumes that a commercial of a food scarce in the nutritive value related to overweight by the high calorie which made the child a target, so USAIM asks self-imposed control or intervention of the U.S. government. For obesity measure, University of Chicago agrees that public schools should not sell drinks with a lot of sugar and the milk which fat is not removed. Big eleven traders such as McDonald and Pepsi Company agreed to stop advertising junk food to less than 12-year-old children. Born fracture by sodas and soft drinks is increasing in the past 30 years. According to Journal of Adolescent Health in 1994, 76 girls and 51 boys were a born fracture by the soft drinks and high-calorie beverages. The soft drinks make the bone fracture rate of girls triple, and Coca-Cola makes the bone fracture rate of quintuple. From this result, the girls’ bone densities that drink Coca-Cola are low. In my middle school and high school many students were in plaster because of little exercises and small accidents. Thus, sodas and soft drinks have bad influence on our bones. Cavities, obesity, and bone fractures by sodas and high-sugar foods are increasing between the children because of the vending machines that are located in their schools. Therefore, I think it is better for there to be no vending machines installed in a public school. |
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Thank you very much, Koir!!!!!!
I'm very happy:) Have a wonderful day!!! ^^ |
I'm going to make a few corrections (I used to be on the editorial board of an academic journal, so I'm pretty anal about grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc.).
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The use of a comma to connect clauses: When A and B are independent clauses connected by a conjunction C, you use a comma: A, C B (I am well, but I am sad.) When A and B are any other combination of clauses (including a dependent clause) connecte by a conjunction C, you do not use a comma: A C B (I am well but sad). Excellent usage of hyphens. Most native speakers get this wrong. Maybe consider "soft drink" or "soda" instead of "soda drink." I've never heard it called "soda drink." But, of course, different regions call the drink differently. In the north, it's "soda [water]." In Texas, we call everything "coke" (Do you want a coke?; Yes. I'll have a Dr. Pepper, please.). In other places, it's "soft drink." But I've never heard of a "soda drink." Does any other native speaker think "kind" sounds less formal than "type" and thus odd in the phrase "kind of beverage"? If it were me, I'd say "type of beverage" in formal writing and "kind of drink" in informal conversation. Your grasp of the in/at distinction seems strong, but it's not perfect. There are some difficult-to-explain usage differences. When you say "at school," it sounds like you're at the institution (on school property, in the building, on the field, or just "present for the day," e.g.). When you say "in school," it sounds like you're physically in the building, and you can't use this when talking about standing out on the school's baseball diamond. I think natives (at least those I've encountered in the US) tend to subconsciously follow this rule: "at BUILDING" is the default usage. "in BUILDING" is used to emphasize that you're inside the building itself, and not maybe outside or something. |
Could you please correct my plot summary?
Hello. I had to write a plot summary of the story called "Necklace" by Gui De Maupassant within 200 to 300 words, but my plot summary exceeded 300 words. I don't know what I should omit. Also, I am not satisfied with my usage of vocabularies, word choosing, and grammar. I chose to use all present tense. How does it look? I appreciate your help! Thank you.
Plot Summary: Necklace Necklace is the story of a very poor woman's huge life changes by encountering a necklace. The woman, named Mathilde Loisel who is poor and married a clerk, is described as a pretty woman and trying to have a rich life delusion because of her cheap belongings. One day her husband receives a party invitation card for him ans his wife, but Mathilde does not want to go to the party since she does not have a dress for the party, so her husband gives her the money to buy her dress by giving up his next summer vacation. However, she is still not satisfied because she thinks that only dress looks awful, so she goes to her friend, named Mrs. Jeanne Forrestier who is very rich and beautiful, to borrow her superb diamond necklace. At the party, Mathilde looks so beautiful and every men watch her and dance with her. Her husband comes to the place of the party to pick her up, and they go back to their home, but Mathilde finds out that the necklace is not around her neck anymore. Her husband searches everywhere with utmost effort, but he can not find it. He finally finds a shop where has a necklace of diamond that looks exactly the same, so he decides to buy it using the money that his father had left for him and borrowing the money. Mathilde takes the necklace to return to Mrs. Forrestier. Mathilde thinks whether telling the truth is the best or not, and she eventually decides not to tell the truth. Mr. and Mrs. Loisel had a hardship in their life, and it takes ten years to pay the loan back for the necklace. Mathilde learns how to do a house work. She meets Mrs. Forrestier unexpectedly, and Mathilde finds out that the Mrs. Forrestier's necklace is not a real diamond. |
How the characters contribute to the story.
I have an assignment to write an essay about how the characters contribute to the story. The essay has to be within 300 words, but my essay went beyond of that. The thesis statement has to have the key point, how the characters contribute to the story. I chose the story Two Kinds by Amy Tan.
I chose a mother in the story, and I think her existence is bigger than her daughter who is a narrator of the story. Please give me an idea how I should improve my writing. Also, please help me to correct my word-choosing and grammar mistakes because I feel my writing somehow doesn't make sense for the people in the United States. Thank you very much!! Jing-Mei's mother in Two Kinds, the story by Amy Tan, is a very important character who has the power to dominate the story. Jing-Mei is a narrator who tells readers her perspective and thoughts, so the author makes the readers to believe that she is the one who influences the entire story. As a matter of fact, the author wants the readers to realize the mother is both round and dynamic character, and each of her action is very impressive and has a link to the climax of the story. The first impression of the mother is that she is a dedicated mother who only considers to educate her daughter. Chinese government puts priority in the education, so China has a slogan, "gearing education to modernization, to the world, and to the future." Since the mother is from China, this slogan puts the role of the mother outside the concept of how the United States educates children. In the United States children do not have to prove who he or she is when they are young. The mother tells her daughter to study various things intensively to become a Chinese Shirley Temple, a prodigy. Since then, each of the mother's commands and emotions become the power to put her daughter's life in risk. Eventually, this cultural difference gives the daughter misunderstanding, pressure and insecurity, and it makes her not to try on anything. Thus, the mother opens the door of the prison, which is created by the mother to be cruel to her daughter, and lets her daughter whatever she wants to do. At the climax of the story, the mother leaves an invisible message with a present when the daughter's thirtieth birthday. This message reminds Jing-Mei what she has done in the past and tells her that let go of the past regret and future concert and try to live in the present as much as possible. In conclusion, the invisible message that Jing-Mei's mother gives her daughter in the climax is the key of the story. The invisible message is not the torture to sink her daughter the depths of grief and is not even the meaning of the mother is a failed mother. The interpretation of the message is that it is not too late to put a start line even though she is thirty years old. Once she finds what she wants to be, do not stray from the path where she has to go. |
Quote:
I feel that ACM code represents a reasonable set of professional standards for computer professionals. ACM is an organization which people of various fields cooperate with on a worldwide scale. The high ethical standard of the people who manage the organization are making strides to create useful, safe computer programs for our benefit. This is reasonable because the people engaged in computer programming all over the world compete among themselves and may look for unfair advantage through unethical behavior. Humans sometimes commit mistakes and without ethical oversight some individuals may be tempted to go the wrong way. It is necessary to subdivide and implement the various solutions which ACM puts forward ensuring compliance with ethical standards for each segment. In other words, ethical education is very important, it is tied in with development of computer program development and improves overall educational quality within ACM membership and improves quality standards of computer program products. :ywave: |
Tips & Tricks
Just another casual observation for what it is worth. "There is nothing more daunting than coming face to face with a vast wall of text to scale. Most often I will face away from it and seek easier climbs. A small hill is easier to traverse and often has better points of interest. ~Doug" Sometimes less is best. The suggestion. Aim to make your statement succinct, briefly explain the reason for it... offer an opinion if you must, then let the questions therein become self-evident. The reader will always question for you. Break up large blocks of text using paragraphs. The reader will love you for it. :) :ywave: |
That's an interestingly long way to say "wall of text = no reading" :)
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Quote:
Ah so... but even short should be memorable. :) :ywave: |
Internet and Political Knowledge.
Hello. I wrote an argumentative essay and topic is Internet and Political Knowledge. I wrote introduction and body paragraphs. I would like to correct my grammar mistakes and word choice. I am having a lot of grammar problems... I know I am getting a lot of help from you, but I need your help. I would appreciate any help! Thank you very much!
Our Politics textbook states that public trust in American government has declined, and that Americans do not feel confident that they influence governmental policy. It is not clear if the cause is a lack of political knowledge or merely lack of interest. According to Pew Internet and American Life Survey, young Americans use of news sources during the 2008 election showed TV to be the primary source, followed by the Internet. However, I think the Internet is the primary source among young people. The Internet is more versatile than TV and provides constant availability. Also, most TV programs fail to provide detailed information, and they are not interactive. Therefore, I want readers to understand that the Internet does make citizens politically informed and increases their sense of political efficacy. Political surveys, such as “How long is the term of office for a U.S. Senator?” is a way to determine how well informed the public is. Differential motivations within survey interviews van distort political knowledge measures and bias conclusions that come from the data. According to percentage of the population reporting that they voted 2004, the percentage of voters in the 8th grade or lower was fifty-five percent, thirty-five percent were schoolers, fifty-five percent were high school graduates, seventy percent were college students, and seventy-five percent were college graduates. The people who are more educated are better equipped to answer for the survey because they are educated in regards to politics at their schools and have learned how to use popular internet sources to get political information. Other sources, such as books, are also useful, but the Internet sources are faster than the books to search something. Although I think that Internet is the primary source for gathering the political information, there are some disadvantages. There is so much information, so it is hard to sorting out particular issue. Also, there is a possibility of danger of finding unwanted information. Moreover, there is a possibility of damage by virus or spyware. On the other hand, advantages are that I am able to get various information everyday for 24 hours. I cannot watch TV if it is not televising, and I cannot read newspaper if it is not published. Also, the information can be saved. The data can be downloaded. It is possible to gather international information. Volume of the information is very enormous and unlimited in particular to a delivery. It makes a quick report. And it is possible to search for information. The information and my idea can be shared. Disadvantages of TV are that I cannot share the information that I have gotten, so there is no way to be evaluated my opinion by others. The information is biased. Basically TV cannot skip commercials, so it is impossible to get the information I want like the Internet. TV provides the same news over and over again, so I am sick of watching them. However, it is difficult to get missed information again if I did not record a scene. There are advantages that only TV has. The information is enormous; it is enough utility value for documentary. TV can provide atmosphere of art exhibition or baseball broadcasting that words cannot express. The historical fastest information as on-the-spot TV coverage can also be made only by a television as expected. Even though TV can provide the information very fast, is the information really true? As voting day gets near, I can see a commercial that compares two candidates. Propaganda like I should vote candidate A, not candidate B is conventional and boring. I think this commercial aims to decreases one’s value. Is this because the candidate A provided TV station lots of bribe, or is this because the TV station just dislike the candidate B? What is the real purpose of this commercial? I would say it is impossible to get the answers for these questions through the TV. If a very entertain TV shows comes next while thinking about these answers alone, I would forget what I was thinking and will fascinated by the entertainment. If I am remembering that commercial on the voting day subconsciously and vote for that candidate, it might have a negative impact on both other citizens and me. I assume it becomes that I cannot vote for one who I want, so I cannot be a part of active citizen. The propaganda exists on the Internet, too. For example, if I visit a web page, I usually see flash movie. When it was near to the voting day, I have seen that the flash movie said to vote someone. User does not decide to vote that person. The user goes to the page’s forum and discuss with other people about their opinion, so the user can take second look. During the 2007-2008 U.S. presidential primaries, CNN partnered with YouTube, and people could post their thirty-second question videos to get the candidates’ opinion. I think it was appropriate for current Internet technology. In total, nearly 8000 citizens’ videos were posted. Most young people visit on YouTube and enjoy posting their videos or watching others’ videos, so I think that this CNN/YouTube debate was targeting young citizens’ participation. Approximately 41 percent turnout of 18- to 29 year-olds in 2000 cast a ballot, but 52 percent of young citizens (18- to 29 year-olds) cast a ballot in 2008. Also, nearly two third of all question selected for inclusion by CNN and put to the candidates was college students. The Republican’s November YouTube debate attracted the largest viewing audience – nearly 5 million viewers. Also, Democrat’s July debate drew 2.6 million viewers. These numbers say it was the biggest audiences since measurements began in 1992 for a cable news debate of those between 18 and 24, so their political activity has changed. Accordingly, many emails, text messages, and Facebook posts are also successful in mobilizing younger voters like never before. Citizens’ knowledge and their strong argument can provide the most important benefit to governmental activity. The Internet that includes sociable factors that TV does not have provides citizens information easily, and it increases their political knowledge. TV and newspaper, mass media, cannot be made up without their sponsors, but the Internet’s sponsors are users. The Internet sponsor could be arising if it is an interesting opinion for the sponsor. In other words, the sender of information chooses sponsor; there might be few people who just wish to have many sponsors like media. Media can bring many opinions together and make them to one particular opinion, so the media can be biased. However, the Internet has enormous choices, so I can make a choice whether it is good or bad. Therefore, I think the Internet is outstanding than the media. In addition, if the Internet can be controlled by some big power, I can say that an individual opinion can be controlled easily like the media. |
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