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KikiBunny23 (Offline)
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Depression - 04-25-2008, 09:23 PM

I write when I get depressed....this is my latest depressed moment


I don't understand life. One moment it brings you up and the next...boom! It pushes you to the floor without a second thought. So many times have I thought suicidal but every time I back down. I'm being tortured inside my own body and nobody knows it but me. So many different emotions are rushing through me. Each time I grasp a hold of one, another slips away.
To many times have I been prone to death. So many times have I injured myself. But no one knows. No one knows the pain I feel inside and no one will ever know because I keep it inside. Not letting my emotions slip away, yet every time they do. No one can save me, people have already tried. I try councilors, I try friends, but no one understands. They think it's just a phase but they don't understand how serious I really am. They think I'm kidding, since I put on a fake smile, they can't see how much pain I really am it.
I don't get it. One moment I'm pondering a question on life and the next I'm joking around without a care in the world. My life is a roller coaster and there is no one monitoring the controls. I have no one to lean on, they've all abandoned me. And yet I still come back, from my bottomless pit. My journal is my life, my poems are my emotions. Everything expressed in writing can't you see.
I'm breaking inside, writing it all down. Every little memory, I can recall. But still no one sees, the pain inside me. Sucking me from the inside out, until I'm nothing but a wasted mass. I live day to day, thinking about tomorrow. The tomorrow that will never come, since it is always today. Can't you see, the pain I hold inside. Can you foresee the wasted body, I am to be.
And yet everyone passes by me. Not thinking about me, or themselves but the person they hold in their heart. I am left only to rely on myself and God. That is all I need yet I still want. I deprive myself of all emotions as I realized the time has past. The time to look and stop this from happening to me. And even if you don't read this, even if you don't care...can you see what has become of me?
I'm not sure how much more I can take, of this twisted crazy life. Hopping from one place to another, writing frantically upon the wall. Everything changes, as the pain reveals itself. And the dam bursts, the one that had held me up so long ago. It was rusted and weak, and that was the last straw. My friends are gone, my life has no meaning, I'm left to drown in my despair. You might not read this, you might not care...but I will still be drowning, so don't try to save me.

If you get depressed...what do you do?
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04-25-2008, 09:25 PM

If I get depressed - I think damn, there are children starving in Africa, people dying of aids, people stuck in countries run by corrupt governments - I'm lucky.

I'm an optimistic person and don't get depressed anymore.
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04-25-2008, 09:39 PM

When I am depress... I take a deep breath and belive all the sad things around the world go inside my heart (using my lungs to catch that "sad air" and make it flow into my veins)... then I hold it and belive that my heart change all those sad thougts and transform it into "good vibes" (and then I let it go all around the world...) changing all that sadnes into happines.



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04-25-2008, 09:51 PM

Hey, I do the same! It really helps, I also try to send positive thoughts to those people. I just think one thing, "okay, you won't be sad forever, there are people that are getting murdered and rape right now. You'll be okay"


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04-26-2008, 02:32 AM

I agree with y'all but...I'm not very good with positiveness. I have to much weighing on m shoulder right now. But when someone sees my writing and things its good....then that makes me happy. I wrote something the other day...let me go and see if I can find it *leaves computer and heads to bedroom* .......found it ^_^ I don't know where I came up with the idea with this but...I dunno, I just wrote it. Whenever an idea pops into my head, I write it down. This is the result of my [almost] latest poem thing...

I have Eyes

I have eyes, but I cannot see.
She has ears, yet she cannot hear.
He has legs, he cannot walk.
All these things that have happened,
were out of our control.
Many different reasons, for many different people.
We have bodies, we cannot use.
Treat us no different, we're still the same,
just with a few difficulties,
can you believe?
With many reasons, these things happened.
You and I,
we are no different,
but we are not the same.

I usually don't write stuff like this, but I just had a moment where I had to...
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04-26-2008, 02:39 AM

I'm sorry man but Dpression is just fucking stupid man seriusly why waste time over some that is done past......I mean the deffonition of depression is a prolonged feeling of hoplessness, helplessness, and sadness.......I mean their is really no point in being depressed really.........I mean for it's just the same shit different day.........a good motto to life your life by is Shit Happenes.....the best thing to do is count your blessing like MissMisa does cuz their are always people worse off.......Soo don't dewle in the past or on something too long....just look on the bright side of your life ^^


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04-26-2008, 02:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkDuff View Post
I'm sorry man but Dpression is just fucking stupid man seriusly why waste time over some that is done past......I mean the deffonition of depression is a prolonged feeling of hoplessness, helplessness, and sadness.......I mean their is really no point in being depressed really.........I mean for it's just the same shit different day.........a good motto to life your life by is Shit Happenes.....the best thing to do is count your blessing like MissMisa does cuz their are always people worse off.......Soo don't dewle in the past or on something too long....just look on the bright side of your life ^^
I understand what you are getting at and I respect it. Yes, I know there are people worse off in other place, which is why I want to become a missionary, but at the moment...I am going through some really tough problems and I am just going through depression. Yes...I know it is pointless and stupid but I don't really care.
It's not like I cut myself, I don't really see the point of it...and I never said anything about the past. There is only one thing about the past and I will never forgive that person but I've been a loner my whole life pretty much and I know what true depression is. I've faced it with my own eyes.
I don't get why people say shit happens, yeah it does, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have an emotional or physical impact on someone's life. People face depression their whole life, living it doubt....but me, I live yet I have my moments. Everyone has once in their life. I'm just going through that period of time where I'm forced to grow up. Where a lot of people depend on me and I feel as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. But I'm alive. Most people who are depressed aren't...there have been many times when I think suicidal but then I think, 'No....I can't just abondon everyone like this. Not after all they have done' I'm geting better at contolling myself, writing has just become a habit and I think it helps me greatly.
Have you everr faced that moment in your life where you just wanted to escape. Just be free of any problems and, [my friend said this lol] and just run down the road and scream? Maybe you haven't. Maybe you are one of the lucky few that get out of life unharmed...but that doesn't mean other people haven't been scarred or faced a harsh realty they wished they didn't have. My friend went to Arizona with our church last year, and there she met a girl name Monic. Monic just looked up to her. Her mom was a drunk and she told my friend that she was gonna get permission from her mom to live with her. And you know what she said 'You do that. Maybe you can come' when she told me this....it hit a spot in my heart that had been untouched.
Just hearing the story told me that I have a purpose, I just don't know what it is. I live life better now but, as I spoke above, I have my down days...I guess....that's all I have to say to that.
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04-26-2008, 03:23 AM

KikiBunny don't feel bad I get the same shit every day....man I mean you have a damn good reason to be depressed anyway.......but I try not to be depressed cuz I've got better things to do....>.> many people deal with things differetnly to though.......I mean my dad drank and smoked....and he died last year.....I was depressed about it cuz my mom just acts like she cares about me x.x..........but then 8 months later one of my good freinds get het by a drunk driver and now the son of a bitch is only gettin 4 years of probation for it..........still upset about it.....but every thing has a reason.....but don;t worry man things will get better......it's just the way the cookie crumbles(sorry had to say that line xDD)


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04-26-2008, 03:33 AM

No offense but I wish my dad would die...he can get pretty abusive when he's drunk. And yeah, I know people handle things differently. I have a mix of friends and we seem like we shouldn't even know each other. I mean....one is all happy and cheerful, another goes through guys easily, one is very hyper, one gets moody easily, and the other is a major prep. So yeah...they dump they're probs on me and your right....the is the way the cookie crumbles
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04-26-2008, 03:34 AM

I don't get really depressed often, but today the evil magic of angst has fallen upon my head.


Thanks for reading!
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