Ungrateful

[Rogozhin]

Has anyone here helped someone, only to have them spit the dummy and take out their frustration on you? Recently?

I met this person through a Japanese club we have at uni. I got on well with this person and I used to give her regular help with her Japanese homework. I told her about a good translation dictionary (which I ended up getting dad to buy for her) and tried to include her in my Japanese group. I even told her of a few customs and things to be aware of when she goes over there.

So she ends up going, I send her an email to ask her how it's all going (to which she doesn't reply). I chase her up on msn and she just lets loose a spiel about all the things that are wrong with the country...my phone won't connect to my computer, trains are crowded, banks are crappy blah blah. Then she fires a few shots at me, saying stuff like "the next time you brag about Japan, you should probably mention all this shit".

It makes me angry (and even feel stupid) that I've put myself out this much for someone so ungrateful and childish.

[coolforcats1]

Originally Posted by Rogozhin

Has anyone here helped someone, only to have them spit the dummy and take out their frustration on you? Recently?

I met this person through a Japanese club we have at uni. I got on well with this person and I used to give her regular help with her Japanese homework. I told her about a good translation dictionary (which I ended up getting dad to buy for her) and tried to include her in my Japanese group. I even told her of a few customs and things to be aware of when she goes over there.

So she ends up going, I send her an email to ask her how it's all going (to which she doesn't reply). I chase her up on msn and she just lets loose a spiel about all the things that are wrong with the country...my phone won't connect to my computer, trains are crowded, banks are crappy blah blah. Then she fires a few shots at me, saying stuff like "the next time you brag about Japan, you should probably mention all this shit".

It makes me angry (and even feel stupid) that I've put myself out this much for someone so ungrateful and childish.

That's so mean!! Have you spoken to her face to face about it?

[rison]

I think she got too carried away by the good thoughts of Japan and she was in dream land until she crashlanded to reality.

Seriously, a lot who just believe that Ideal places where there are no flaws exist are kidding themselves just like your friend....JP has quite a number of them.

[Rogozhin]

Originally Posted by coolforcats1

That's so mean!! Have you spoken to her face to face about it?

This was recent and she's on exchange in Japan (while I'm in Australia). I was trying to diffuse some of my anger by thinking she's stressed/culture shocked but I'm not willing to chase her up when what she did was clearly not right.

[rison]

Originally Posted by coolforcats1

That's so mean!! Have you spoken to her face to face about it?

She's in Japan I think.

[rison]

Originally Posted by Rogozhin

This was recent and she's on exchange in Japan (while I'm in Australia). I was trying to diffuse some of my anger by thinking she's stressed/culture shocked but I'm not willing to chase her up when what she did was clearly not right.

You said it yourself...you dont need to shut her out.

[Rogozhin]

I won't shut her out but I would expect an apology...eventually. (Understandably I'm not really in the mood to go to Japanese conversation class this week and befriend a few more hopefuls..)

[Troo]

Yep. You're not alone. I've had earfuls from people who've asked my advice or called on my expertise then not liked what they've heard, and I've had people listen intently, nod a lot, then not act on any of it (which is particularly frustrating when, say, trying to help your best mate dig his way out of debt).

I say tell her to shove it. You've bent over backwards and she's evidently a user.

[Sachiko]

Originally Posted by Rogozhin

I won't shut her out but I would expect an apology...eventually. (Understandably I'm not really in the mood to go to Japanese conversation class this week and befriend a few more hopefuls..)

I'm sure that she'll come to her senses and apologise.
She's obviously not a very worldly person anyway. Travel is meant to be about experiencing new things both good and bad. If she really though about things before travelling, as rison said she would have realised that every country in the world has its upsides and downsides.

She was being naive and ultimately she's come off looking like a fool.
Nevertheless, just because one person turned out to be extremely ungrateful doesnt mean that they all will. I know many people who are entirely grateful for any help they recieve.

You are obviously a very kind person, but there's a difference between helping someone, and going all out for them. Dont be a martyr for the sake of others coz in the long run it honestly doesnt do you any good.

^_^

[MMM]

This is pretty normal, actually, and is something I am sure many of the fan-kids here will experience.

I wouldn't take it personally. This can be a sort of defense mechanism when on a long-term (more than a couple weeks) exchange to a very foreign place. It's culture shock, and she probably feels like she is alone on a liferaft in the middle of the ocean, and the liferaft is sinking. The only way to stay afloat is to fight back.

Don't expect an apology, just offer her support. She may not realize what she is going through.