Marriage and aging: A generalization.
 

Do you think marriage is good for anything?

I can only speak about where I grew up but I think American women are un-marriageable today. I think state marriage itself is a failed institution. Do you think it should be abolished as a legal contract? I do. For the young men in the U.S. I can say that you should never get legally married, not with an American, much less at a young age. You'll be had like people I know and many others I've heard of. The latest one is a friend of mine duped by a bimbo; I won't get into details.

And regardless of what some naive younger people may think, your "soulmate" is not whoever you met in high school and there is no such thing. Look up the divorce rate. Also if you're a young guy working hard to get high in the world, wait until you have the advantage over the women through money and power. Just have your fun in the meantime. The chicks who told you to get lost when they were young and hot, chased by every guy and got free things will be itching to get with you when they start losing their looks. After they've spent a decade getting banged out by hot guys, the ride will be over for them. Get with a younger, better one instead, but never marry them. Guys have this advantage, we only gain value as we age if we work hard. Not so with female bimbos.

I sense a lot of pain in your heart.

I know a lot of old people who have been married all their lives and young people who are still going strong. What Americans lack is the will power to communicate issues before they grow out of proportion and blow up into something unsolvable.

I would actually rather be together with a person and say we are married than to actually get married just because that way if it doesn't work out its not a big deal, I can move on.

marriage is a purely monetary issue as well as a comfort issue... as mammals we naturally need a den to which we can take refuge whenever we see fit. that place is the home.
it's always easier to get through with a copilot .. that is what a spouse is. he / she is extra money on the table and sex on the side
I do not wish to bash marriage, I hope to be married to a girl whom i love sometime in the future. I am just saying that, bare bones, marriage is about money

and i have to concur with sbmx... your tone is implicit of an unwanted backstory :|

Yeah, but American/Americanized women seem to be failing at marriage and demanding everything. What's their purpose in a marriage beside baby machines? You're stepping into a trap with the whole marriage thing. A male has no reason to get married regardless of what you've been brainwashed to believe. And yes, get ready for the moans and hisses from the neo-feminists who like the system as it is already, but it's your choice to listen to them. I have the stats and they're full of it. And you don't have to get legally married by a failed contract institution to love somebody and start a family.

That's the only way to do it.

American/Americanized women compared to women of what other race or society?
This is global thing.

You can easily say men to be the failing point in a marriage. Sorry... but its true.

This can all be avoided by not marrying bimbos.

Compared to a lot of them including Japanese.

Well, you can say that, but if you look at the hard statistics, in divorce proceedings the majority of divorces are started by women. You can say some other unfounded assumption to explain that, I can pull out another statistic. Assumption vs. statistic. We can be here all day.

That's like saying avoid trouble. Psychics aren't real.

chicks
 

Maybe a bit harsh but very true words.

I sense too that you have had yourself a few too many run-ins with bimbos that screwed you over. What I believe about marriage is that in order for it to work both people need to be on board. You seem to have lost faith in females, and I am sorry that you feel that way. But marriage/building a family is doable and very rewarding if the proper effort is put forth. My parents have been together 43 years and counting and all my aunts and uncles are happily married as well and that's like another 6 couples. Not to mention all of my cousins.. in fact I cannot think of a single divorced relative of mine..

In any case part of the reason marriages fail today is the fact that people can live independently if they want to whereas throughout history that was probably a much tougher road to travel, not to mention, people tend to be lazy, self-centered and when the going gets tough.. they get going.. apart. Somehow society has gotten this idea that love is just this feeling you get and has nothing to do with your attitude and actions, when in reality true love is a choice. People who cannot understand that are probably going to be destined for a divorce someday. And I know that divorce is not always avoidable, so I am not saying there is nobody out there who should not have gotten divorced. But from what I have seen marriage can be a great thing and I look forward to getting married to my GF soon.

You know, I actually agreed with a lot of your points until you said this.

If there is anywhere that marriage is almost a completely financial arrangement, it`s Japan. Men get married to have children and someone to raise them and care for the house - and women get married for the monetary stability. It`s quite transparent, and love / mutual support is really a bonus on top if you`ve got it.

It really sounds like you have a very idealized image of Japanese women... Pretty common and almost always leading to a very bad end.

Anyway - to address the original points.

A marriage is only as strong and valid as those involved in the marriage think it is. If you look at marriage as a trap, then that is what it will become. If you look at is as a way of getting official recognition for a strong relationship - that is what it will be. And if you look at it as a way of screwing the other person (ie. selfishly and for your advantage alone), that is what it will become.
The institution of marriage itself is not at fault - it`s the attitudes toward marriage that are. For those who take it seriously and put a high value on it, it can be a very good arrangement.

I personally do believe in soulmates, or a similar idea - the thing is I think they are very hard to find. In the majority of cases, you`re probably not going to find them. And the majority of people who incorrectly think they`ve found their soulmate with find out the hard way after a few years.

I agree with this. The big problem is that you are applying the behavior of "bimbos" to the entire population of women. Not all women are "bimbos"... But chances are if you`re looking for women in the type of places you find bimbos, that is all you`re going to find. Honest and decent women don`t usually hang around with the "bimbos". And they also usually don`t want to end up with the type of guy who will fall for a "bimbo".

I feel that I`m very far from a feminist - but I still don`t think that marriage should be abolished. I do feel attitudes toward marriage should change very very much though. If you see marriage as something that you can get out of with relative ease later on if you "don`t like it" - then the number of marriages that have not been thought through will go up, and the number of divorces will shoot up with it. If you think of marriage as something that really is for life and not just for as long as I want it... It becomes a much larger commitment with much greater repercussions. People would also be a bit more likely to try to work through things instead of just popping over to annul the thing the first time something big goes wrong.

As it stands though, it is worth as much as you believe it is. If you honestly make marriage a commitment for life and your partner does the same - what is wrong with the situation? You are officially recognized as a team, you both have the security of knowing that things aren`t so easy to run away from, finances are consolidated, etc.

I personally think that there is some issue with feminism in this - too many women feel that they should have all the rights of men, and special ones on top because they are women. If you`re equal, you`re equal - if you`re not, you`re not.

I`ve been married almost 10 years - and it`s all what you put into it. Both my husband and I put our all into the marriage, and we are incredibly happy. We both understand each other (something sorely lacking, I think, in a lot of marriages... Either because of poor communication or a lack of interest) so there is little that could trigger fighting. We`d either both do the same thing in the same situation, or at the very least know what the other is thinking. We also both appreciate each other and accept our roles. I am in debt to my husband for the crap he has to go through to earn enough to support all of us, and he is in debt to me for taking care of everything in his absence and raising our son responsibly. He ranks my effort above his, but I rank his above mine. It all evens out.