Homestaying concern
 

Hi all. I've arranged to do a homestay while I'm in Tokyo for 2 months from July. I contacted this person through the homestayweb website.

It's probably silly but I wasn't actually sure which gender the person was so I googled their name and a site said that the name is male, even though the picture on their profile is of a woman.

There's nothing else particularly suspicious, they haven't given me their address yet just the general area, perhaps that's reasonable. Their relatives will meet me at the local station. Any thoughts?

What is the person's name (just the first name, not the family name is enough)?

Hi, MMM. Being helpful as usual! Thanks.
The name is toshinori. I know just 'toshi' can be a girl's name, but yeah.

I am pretty sure Toshinori is exclusively a man's name.

I see.. is it reasonable that a woman would be using that name? Like, her dad's address or something? I'm only going off the picture on their profile, since they haven't told me their gender specifically. :/ The websites I found when I googled the address suggested a man as well.

I remember one RaceQueen about 10 years ago was named Toko. She used that instead of her full name, Toshiko. Perhaps that's the female version of the name, with the ko part making it a girl's name, if there is such a thing in Japan.

Not sure what that's gotta do with this person's name. Thanks for your reply. :)

Perhaps it's nothing, but both begin with Toshi and that may be something. Maybe what is added at the end determines the gender? I'm just postulating here.

I don't know anything about that homestay site, so I have no idea if that could be her father's name or not. it would seem odd for a child to be inviting people to stay in her parents' home for homestays.

ending -ko is pretty exclusively for women, unless it is -hiko, which is part of a male name.

I have never heard of a woman with -nori ending in her first name.

Thanks for the ideas and info guys. I'll come up with some inoffensive way to ask about the person's name. I just wanna make sure I can trust them before I have to go next month.

does this woman look like she could be famous, like is the picture really well done and is she quite beautiful? Just thinking that maybe he is a fan of her or something.

anyhow it is probably just a privacy thing.. not wanting to post one's real face online.

I would assume homestay families would be interviewed and scrutinized before being allowed to host foreigners. I would think this an insurance aspect. Anyways, perhaps you can contact the homestay program and ask them so you don't have to ask the family anything?

Good idea but no it's a rubbish tiny picture of a woman outside a house. Can barely make her out, which makes me curious about whether it is actually a guy lol.

Hey, good idea but it says on the site that it's just like a message board, no vetting or checks. It's not a homestay program just a website (homestayweb).

Good point, not so curious about that, the name just bugs me isall.

Anywhere else in the world that would raise a huge flag for me. But when it's Japan, the risk may not be so high. Still, it somewhat concerns me. I'm sure you've researched it plenty and your folks are okay with it. (not saying you're a kid.)

Is it possible that she is married and is listing head of household for the address? That would be something quite normal...

A daughter inviting someone for a homestay also would NOT be something all that odd, really, if the parents approved.

I don`t see any reason for there to be deception going on - Why list a male name if they were trying to trick someone into thinking they were female. Even if the person you`ve spoken to all along is a man, it`s probably more likely just a picture of a family member in front of the house rather than any active attempt at deception.

Hey, thanks for your thoughts, Nyororin! All that stuff is what I was kinda hoping was the case. Makes sense. When I said dad, I think she's about 30 and her dad's old. I've asked for a picture of her, so what she says. Is it worth inquiring about the name in some innocent fashion?

The site has families from allover the world so yeah.

It says on the site:
"Q. Are the host families listed here interviewed or screened?
No, HomestayWeb's purpose is to create a place where Homestay guests and hosts can find their own matches.
HomestayWeb is not responsible for nor does it endorse any of the information placed by hosts in their profile pages on this website. Please judge wisely in choosing your Homestay family."

Sounds like a wonderful possibility for a great experience. Have a great time and be as respectful as you possibly can!

Has "she" ever said that "she" is female? Other than the picture, has there been anything that makes you think it`s a woman?

You say the picture is tiny and you can`t really tell whether it`s a man or woman - what makes you feel it is a woman?

Why not just ask about family living in the home? That should give you a good indication of who the picture could be of.

Thanks dude. :vsign:

No, I always assumed, probably because the rest of the homestays I've contacted and the one I stayed with before were women, and because of the picture. The picture is tiny and leaves room for.. maneuver, but it's clearly most likely at least supposed to be a woman, or an older girl.

I asked her about all that, she has students living there, and her parents leave nearby. I checked back through the emails and she just said 'my mum and dad' (in Japanese).

If you`re concerned, I would say to ask about it directly. As you`re making the jump to stay in this person`s house, it`s not unreasonable to ask about the name. I am sure it is most likely the father`s (head of household`s) name, as that is generally what you would list... But it is concerning you, so why not just ask directly? I don`t think it would be strange to just ask "Is that your name?", or "What is your name?".

Ah thanks, I guess I will. :) You've been really helpful Nyororin (and everyone else!)

Kind of on the topic, I'm looking to teach English and be taught Japanese on an ad hoc basis while in Tokyo, also just to make lots of friends and connections (cause I wanna be an English teacher for Japanese people eventually, not necessarily in Japan). Any ideas on the best way of doing this in Tokyo? I've already made some connections with people just through word of mouth, but places to go to meet people? Community centres round the center of Tokyo? Thanks <3

Coffee shops are probably the best place to meet.

Like.. go up to people and talk or what? I'm rubbish at that. :( Are Japanese people likely to approach me? They're usually shy right (generalisations).

I misunderstood your query. I thought you wanted to know where to meet the people you made connections with already. I apologize. As far as meeting people who would like to learn English, I guess hanging around schools or universities would be a start. Then again, it may not be socially acceptable to go ask people out of the blue. If you have a hiragana or kanji textbook or practice book, you can hang out in places close to colleges and make it obvious you are studying. Perhaps a curious person will approach you and offer help in Japanese and that may break the ice. Just a thought.

Ah, great idea xD I'll be bringing books so I'll try that! Thanks so much. :rheart:

Good luck! ;)

Hmm.. I emailed them asking for a picture and an address (my mum wanted the latter cause she was worried) and they replied just giving me the general area with 丁目 and not mentioning a picture. I thought it was a bit strange but I'm not sure if I've just become paranoid now.

I asked about the full toshinori name, see what they say. Hopefully that will confirm it. I'm thinking it is a guy now. They have a website under the email address which has pictures of a small helicopter and a guy in it, and they said they can fly small planes.

If you guys say I'm over thinking things then I'll be ok, but on my own I'm worried right now. Halp D:

I can`t really comment on whether it is strange - they also may be worried about just giving out personal information... But it is worrying you. If it is causing that much worry, why risk it? Try to find another option that doesn`t cause so much concern.

It's just I've been talking to them for ages now and it would be extremely awkward to cancel, but you're right. I'm just in a kinda awkward position. What would you do? Thanks again.

If something threw up flags and made me uncomfortable, I would stop. Chances are it is nothing, but... If it turns out that they`re waiting for you to arrive to kill you... Would it comfort your family to know you went ahead even after you felt uncomfortable because it would have been awkward to cancel? :)

Again though, I would be perfectly straight with them. Tell them that without more detailed information you or your family does not feel comfortable with you staying there. If they are offering a homestay, they should expect this and not be offended in the least. There would be nothing awkward about cancelling it if they refuse to provide more information, and if they do then your concerns may be laid to rest.

Thanks again for everyone's help. I decided to cancel with this guy and go with someone else even though they can only have me for a month. They're kindly arranging a hostel for me the rest of the time. :)

That sounds like it`s probably for the best, at the very least for your peace of mind.