Oral
 

Hi, for my japanese oral (under the topic of tourist attractions) I wrote a page on holidaying at the gold cost.

I know that it's not complex japanese, and my extent of vocab and sentence structure is horribly limited, but I was hoping that someone would be able to read through it and see if anything is horrible wrong with it. >.<

There were a lot of parts where I just hazarded a guess, as I wasn't too sure if it would be correct or not.

Also, right now, I'm not sure what word to use for 'popular'



If anyone can help out, that'd be really great!

Really appreciate any input, and thanks in advance. :3



It's a scanned image file, so I hope it can be read. Click for enlarged version.
I only just realised, butI forgot the ten-tens on: doudesuka (par1) and on Goorudo Koosuto (par3)

the japanese word for populair is ゆめい. I'll try to see if there are any mistakes in your text..

The Japanese word for popular is 人気　（にんき）

有名　（ゆうめい）　means "famous".

Unless you are posing as the owner of a travel agency, you wouldn't usually say いっらしゃいませ　(used pretty exclusively by restuarant and shop workers when a customer enters)

A couple hints: 忙しい　（いそがしい） means busy, as in "overworked". You mean にぎやか　meaning bustling, lively

Are you sure about your last sentence? Don't you want a ください or something in there?

I am VERY impressed, by the way. I like that you pushed yourself into trying sentences you many not have learned before. That's a real sign of a future fluent Japanese speaker.

Thankyou to both of you for responding to my post. ^^

@ MMM:

Thanks so much for the suggestions! They're sure to help. :vsign:

In truth, I'm actually quite embarassed when I write things in Japanese, especially when i'm not sure if it sounds completely ridiculous or wrong. ><;



Just a few things to clear up though...

When I was writing the piece, I asked the teacher if she could tell me the translation for casually saying "hi, how may I help you?" but she didn't want to complicate things and just gave me 'いっらしゃいませ' instead.

I recognized the word as being more like the restaurant/shop 'welcome' and didn't really want to use it, but I didn't want to argue with her either. ^^;


The last sentence was weird; I wanted to say 'try it out', and the first thing that came into my head wasやって みる (simply from recognition since I've never learned the sentence structure) but should it actually be just plain に行ってください?

Not sure if you meant for me to just disregard the 'みる' in that sentence.



Also, with the use of 'にんき' it doesn't sound like a regular 'い adjective' to me, and I just quickly looked up its use in sentence. Would it be reasonable to say:

クイーンズランド アトラクション の なかで ゴールドコースト が いちばん にんきが あります。

I did my best with that. =_=;


Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read through it all and give me some feedback! I really appreciate the help.

Sorry for this being a bit off subject, but I ust say, you have nice handwriting =D.

Edit: Another tad bit of off-topicness, but how long have you been studying japanese for? What i fear isn't the language, its the writing xD

Why thankyou! I actually thought my writing was quite messy in comparison to some of my friends. ><

I've been studying Japanese in High school for a little over 2 years now. This piece of assessment is for year ten work.

For someone who has been doing it for just 2 years, I think you did very well.
Well done!

I briefly ran through what you had written and spotted some grammatical errors here and there, though, nothing major.
Here goes.

Line #4: If I want to encourage people to visit a place, I would say that it's fun and it's great, rather than I think that it'll be fun. So, I would probably omit the と思いますand end it with a です.

Line #6: is okay on it's own, but it'll be better if you add かかりますafter いち時かんぐらい and cancel off the です。

Line #7: the basics is や。。。や。。などがあります。

Line #8: change いろいろto いろいろんな

Line #14: you can improve it by adding the basics, that is たり。。。たり。。ことができます。

Line #15: what did you meant by べんりなたてもの？ convenience stores? If so, that would be コンビニ。

Line #16: as above

You ended it as 行ってみる in casual form. That should be 行ってみってください。

And as for the word 'popular' as in popular attraction, you could also simply write it out as ポピュラ-

I didn't try to add anything on my own or re-phrase them. I merely corrected some mistakes (although I would have written them differently myself).
And the rest had already been corrected earlier by MMM.

All these are just minor mistakes. Once again, well done to you.

Thanks so much for these corrections; I can see how much I have to improve on! TAT


In line 15, I actually meant for it to say 'convenient buildings'
... partially because I myself didn't know what to write it as, since that area is similar to a shopping district, but it also supplies accommodation & other city buildings.


Anyways, I think I'm just about done fixing up the text. o_o;
I've learnt so much in such a short amount of time just by posting here.

Thanks so much for these corrections; I can see how much I have to improve on! TAT


In line 15, I actually meant for it to say 'convenient buildings'
... partially because I myself didn't know what to write it as, since that area is similar to a shopping district, but it also supplies accommodation & other city buildings.


Anyways, I think I'm just about done fixing up the text. o_o;
I've learnt so much in such a short amount of time just by posting here. Thanks a lot everyone~

I'm glad that you found those corrections helpful and useful.
A sound foundation will certaintly take you far. Keep it up!