foreigner married to a Japanese

[jollybean72]

[quote=Nyororin;869409]To the original poster;

Do you have any idea where in Japan you will be going? I may be able to give you some advice or connections in the area.

Hi there, thanks for your reply. We are moving to Karuizawa, only thing I heard from people who have been there is that the place is a summer retreat for Japanese who bought houses to get away from the heat during summer. I've never been there so not much knowledge about the place in terms of schools.

In the meantime, you might want to check out the
Yahoo group MIJ (Married in Japan) for wives of Japanese.

Thanks a lot! I'll check it out.

Elementary school is very accommodating, and if you do some consulting with the school they may allow your children to start out receiving one-on-one tutoring through special support until they are more proficient. Languages are very easy for children to pick up when immersed, so I doubt there will be any huge problems. I would try to get your husband to speak to them more in Japanese now so that they will be able to convey their basic needs and have a foothold at the beginning.

[color="Blue"]Well, we will try to get as much information as we can from the schools about giving our kids some level of support. Now, my husband only speaks to them in Japanese.

[jollybean72]

Originally Posted by p47koji

You're hilarious...

Don't worry about your kids but school will be a challenge, I feel. It is very different. Be aware of bullying. Concentrate on your own language skills as best you can.

Good luck!

Hi, when you said 'bullying' in school, what sort of bullying? Is it something related to race(afterall, they are of mixed race) or is it because my kids will be new students in class and newcomers get tease?Or the fact that they might have Japanese language issues such as not being able to speak the language well enough? Or all these reasons? Thanks!

[steven]

I've seen mixed/foreign kids in schools and some do get bullied just because of that fact. Some kids take it in stride and are cool about it while other kids are more negatively affected by it. I think it's one of those things... if the kid can't speak their "mother tongue" they are weird. If they can speak it, they are weird. (so it's like a lose-lose situation). I'm also sad to say that teachers don't seem to respect foreign students as much. If you can't speak Japanese well the teachers will probably look down on you.

Some elementary schools do have uniforms by the way.

I think that starting at elementary school is a good thing though. I think, as Nyororin said, that the teachers will be accommodating to your children. I think middle schools are less forgiving though.

[p47koji]

Originally Posted by jollybean72

Hi, when you said 'bullying' in school, what sort of bullying? Is it something related to race(afterall, they are of mixed race) or is it because my kids will be new students in class and newcomers get tease?Or the fact that they might have Japanese language issues such as not being able to speak the language well enough? Or all these reasons? Thanks!

Its just my opinion - some of it from raising four kids on my own, too... but its as Steven above mentioned. Bullying was relatively unheard of when I went to school there back in 1973 but things have changed. Graffiti has now become a social plague, for example, depending on where you live there.

When any child attends a new school, he/she will be noticed. In your case, they will be noticed more as foreigners. But just like any new kid in school, there will be a number that will befriend them; others may see them as a challenge to their "territory" and will end up forcing their way upon them. A perceived language barrier may exacerbate the problem.

Be attentive as a mom is all I can suggest and see how they perceive their new surroundings and act upon it accordingly.

[jollybean72]

Hi all, thanks for your replies. I do think that my kids will probably get both positive and negative treatments when they assimilate to the new school environment over in Japan. I think they will eventually adapt to it, it will take time to do so. As a mother, I'll try my best to help them get used to everything in Japan. I have talked to my Japanese husband about it and he will also help the kids to adjust to new school and life in Japan. We also plan to find out as much as possible about the public schools they will be attending and will communicate with their respective class teachers about helping them to settle in the new school environment.

BTW, anybody have any ideas about living in Karuizawa, never been there actually. I guess as compared to Tokyo, it'll be less stressful? Any helpful insights? Thanks a ton!

[tokusatsufan]

If I were a parent in the UK,and I waited till my kids finished school before we moved,would a 16-year-old then be able to go into a Japanese college? All hypothetical.

[Nyororin]

I've never been there so not much knowledge about the place in terms of schools.

In terms of public schools at the elementary to junior high level - you`re not going to find much difference over the entirety of Japan. School quality at that level is pretty much standard - not really any "good" or "bad" districts. In fact, the only time I have ever heard anyone complain about their school district has been when they live at the edge of the district and the neighboring district`s school is closer than their own. Never anything about school quality. So you`re safe not to worry about that.

Steven pointed out that there are some elementary schools with uniforms, but I believe the current figure is 8 public elementary schools with uniforms in the entirety of Japan, and three of those are in Tokyo. Only about 15% have a clear dress code.

Originally Posted by jollybean72

I do think that my kids will probably get both positive and negative treatments when they assimilate to the new school environment over in Japan.

These days, it really seems to me that you hear less about bullying and all that than in the past. There is a "kids will be kids" bit to it - children point out / pick on anything that is different... Whether it be as obvious as a different color of hair, or something as small as "fingernails that are too round" (real one heard at a park - the fingernails looked normal from where I was standing... And no, it`s not some cultural thing to worry about round fingernails).

The mixed race/nationality children I have seen who are chronically picked on tend to have one really big thing in common - non-Japanese parents who raise them to / tell them to act as they did or would in the other country. A parent saying "Oh, that`s stupid. We`d never do that back in (insert country name). Don`t worry about it. If anyone asks, tell them you`re not Japanese - you`re (insert nationality)." That kind of thing doesn`t win points with the other kids who do have to do it.

I think they will eventually adapt to it, it will take time to do so. As a mother, I'll try my best to help them get used to everything in Japan.

Children are remarkably adaptable, so within weeks will likely begin to settle into the flow of things.
I think that there may be a lot more adjusting for you than for them. School in Japan tends to be much more involved with the home and family than most foreigners are accustomed to. There are handmade items required, teachers come to visit, a notebook in which you write messages back and forth to the teacher every day, etc. It is very much a cooperative effort between school and family.

We also plan to find out as much as possible about the public schools they will be attending and will communicate with their respective class teachers about helping them to settle in the new school environment.

Public schools are really quite accommodating as long as there is true reason - as I pointed out above, "not Japanese" is not going to fly as a reason for anything other than the language based abilities. (I don`t mean that as a jab at you in any way. There are just a lot of non-Japanese parents who try to use that as an excuse to get out of anything they aren`t accustomed to... And who end up whining and complaining about it when the school doesn`t excuse their child from some project or requiring some supplies because they`re not 100% Japanese.) If you have an open mind and a supportive husband who will help you figure out things from the papers and such the school gives you - you should be able to remain positive, as will your children. If you get frustrated and complain about Japan, Japanese culture/customs/lifestyle, the school, etc in hearing range, it will negatively color their experiences.

BTW, anybody have any ideas about living in Karuizawa, never been there actually. I guess as compared to Tokyo, it'll be less stressful? Any helpful insights? Thanks a ton!

Stress is relative, I suppose, but it will definitely be a less stressful commute!

I`ve never lived in that area, but there is a reason it is a resort area. The summer temperatures are fairly cool, there is a lot of nature, and plenty of open space. There are lots of company resorts there, and it`s a pretty popular summer retreat. It`s most definitely a retreat style resort area - the kind of area people have/would like to have a summer house.
Winter in that area can be pretty harsh - heavy snow, very cold, etc.

We are actually planning to head up there for a few days in July, so if you`d like us to check out something please let me know.

Oh, and I just remembered - The Japanese school year starts in April, so your children will be entering mid-year if your move is this summer.

[samokan]

My nephew came to Japan 3 years ago, he was 8 years old at that time. Unlike your son, he has never heard a single Japanese word his entire life before coming to Japan.
Like you, International School was out of the question. He was sent to a public school immediately. His step-dad is Japanese and was the one who tutored him. The school is very accomodating too. I guess having foreign kids was not new to them. He was give some make up lesson to improve his Japanese.

Of course, having only Japanese spoken inside the house really helps a lot. In a year he was already fluent and his Kanji was doing OK. I guess it was all thanks to his step-dad and his new grandma who really put some effort and lots of patience to teaching him.

His mother , my cousing is useless in that department as she can't barely hold a decent conversation too.

Kids adapt really quick , and of course your husbands help is really important this time.

I think the most expensive they bought for him was his bag which cost around 30,000 or 50,000 yen, but his dad said that it will last till he graduate grade school.

Every month, the school send food menu to each family so you will know what your kids were eating in school.

Also for you, if you want to continue studying Japanese, check out your local community center, city hall for volunteer classes and activities.

Good Luck.