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03-21-2007, 02:29 PM

Alright everybody this afternoon around 1:00 on JPF or 11:00 I'll have the Prologue and my 1st Chapter finished. So yay!


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03-21-2007, 05:52 PM

Nevermind these dang computers here at the school do not have Microsoft Works Word Processor so I am not able to post. I am sorry maybe this afternoon later on, because my mom has wireless internet now so ya.


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03-22-2007, 05:58 PM

Here it is my Book.


PROLOGUE




  1. Sambrelton, where this story begins, is a fantasy world where all things in imagination can exist. In Sambrelton men and creatures of myth and lore exist in a futuristic world where people range from using guns of all types and abilities to people who use bows, swords, and magic. People use magic ranging anywhere from Alchemy to Necromancy to whatever you can think of. In Sambrelton certain species of myth and lore aren’t easy to come across like elves and dwarves, or sometimes dragons and more. The reason for this is because of humans, who in their growing of technology and power have run most of them close to the end of their races
  2. Certain races of these creatures of myth and lore know almost nothing of technology and prefer to use there swords and magic and bows. War has also plagued this world for centuries as groups of different races continue to fight for treasures and riches. The earliest war has been of the humans seeking the newest magical power in the world and one of the most ancient powers. The power to control a human or creatures will force. The battle has recently broken out between the human soldiers and the mages from across Sambrelton.
    That leads to what this story is about power, control, and the end of almost all humanity. The world or Sambrelton is full of adventure and this one begins with two kids named Neiru and Kasaki and a dad named Adrow Yuro.



Last edited by MazarDantechildofdevil : 03-30-2007 at 06:19 PM. Reason: Needs Indenting
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03-22-2007, 06:01 PM

1
Beginnings of Darkness

  1. Wind is hurling wood, metal, and debris fly through the air as a giant storm forms. A house in the middle of large dried out grassland is seemingly untouched by the storm and its ferocity, except for one thing. On the floor in the middle of the living room lies the dead limp body of Adrow Yuro, a medium sized man with built muscles, a slash mark across his chest and a stab straight into his throat. Beside Adrow sits a child; the child's name is Kasaki, Kasaki Yuro son of the one who has just been killed. Tears run down Kasaki’s face in his hand he holds a knife with blood dripping down the sides of it. “Dad….” are the only silent words that come from Kasaki’s lips.
  2. Kasaki is only eight years old and a fairly thin boy but even so he is a very fast Ninja who has been going to Ninjutsu School since he was a small kid. Upstairs a cry is heard coming from Kasaki’s little brother Neiru Yuro who is only three years old and only a toddler. A dark black mass forms behind Kasaki and from it comes a voice, “So you actually did it Kasaki?” soon a cloaked figure emerges from the mass. The figure removes his hood revealing handsome red silky hair that comes just to his neck; his hair is spiked slightly on the sides and top. Thick pitch black eyes look upon Kasaki, his facial expression shows no fear in it or care for the limp body on the ground.
  3. Kasaki turns quickly looking at the man who has just entered, “DEMON! What are you doing here?” standing; Kasaki holds the knife at a ready. The red haired man snickers slightly than turns his back to Kasaki as if in a mocking manner. “So answer my question, what are you doing here?” Kasaki repeats again, though his voice and his attitude seem weary.
  4. “Aw, why do you call me demon and ask me what I’m doing her, when you know exactly what I’m doing here and just because I am a demon you have no right to call me that, I have a name.” The red haired man turns and looks upon Kasaki, “Are you, frightened?” The man says this in a tone as if he’s making fun of Kasaki and caring for him.
  5. “NO! Oh, and sorry I’m not going to call you by your name cause I don’t respect you!” soon Kasaki’s tone lowers and his voice trembles slightly, “Now, what?”
  6. The red haired man laughs, “You’re just a kid and I guess I can take you under my wing and raise you.” The man holds out his hand waiting for Kasaki to grab it the darkness already beginning to surround the man ready to engulfing him in it. Kasaki hesitates first looking at his dad’s body, looking at the mans hand, Kasaki, slowly raises his and embraces the mans hand and the darkness completely engulfs them in itself and they disappear.
  7. When Kasaki and the man emerge from the darkness they are in a huge hall the ceiling towering twenty feet above them and golden chandeliers dangle from it. The illuminating golden light fills the entire hall with a warm feeling. “This is beautiful,” Kasaki states in awe.
  8. “Don’t get used to it, this place is nothing beautiful,” the man says to Kasaki and gestures to him to follow to a pair of giant oak doors that stand at one end of the hall. Kasaki follows the man as he studies the intricate designs on the walls some designs depict dragons, demons, and destruction. Other walls depict a great fire in the wilderness and trees that have been cut and burned. As they approach upon the giant oak doors the red haired man lifts his hand in a fist and knocks twice. Almost instantly the doors open putting into view a large throne room full of banners of the same type, the banners depicted of the devil and the devil is looking upon a burning village.
  9. High in the ceiling were once again chandeliers but these chandeliers were designed with runes of an ancient language that Kasaki couldn’t understand. In front of Kasaki and the man sits a hooded figure in a red and gold laden throne chair. A richly lavished maple table sat in front of the man, a bright red colored tablecloth laid across it. Behind the hooded figure a banner starting from the top of the ceiling hanging down to the top of the throne chair was largely noticeable. The banner was red embroidered with a black dragon on it. “Come forward,” the hooded figure announces to the red haired man and Kasaki.
  10. Kasaki also notices that even though the chandeliers shone bright the room was exceptionally dark and gloomy feeling. The red haired man began to clear his throat when the hooded figure began to speak, “So is that Kasaki?”
  11. “Yes, it is,” the red haired man answers to the hooded figure.
  12. “Come over to me, Namix, I must speak to you in private,” the hooded figure says to the red haired man. Namix nods and walks over to the hooded figure and they begin to speak quietly. Kasaki begins to fidget and looks at the hooded figure.
  13. He sounds like a man, and he’s hooded. The banners show a devil looking down upon a burning village and most of the walls depicted destruction, and Namix is also a demon. So that means the hooded man is the, DEVIL! Kasaki thinks to himself and quickly hides his surprise and hopes that the hooded figure didn’t notice what he just showed. Namix turns and then walks over to Kasaki beckoning Kasaki to him.
  14. “You are to live with me, follow I’ll show you your new home,” Namix says than walks out of the throne room. Behind them the hooded figure sits back in his chair and looks at Kasaki’s back quietly and eerily.
  15. “Namix, is that the devil?” Kasaki asks at the first chance he gets.
  16. “Yes, it is the devil in fact he is the leader of this demon organization and castle. We work under his rule and do what he tells us to do, which is what you will learn to do in time and learn to like it and appreciate it. Now no more questions just follow me you will learn more later.” Namix continues to walk after he just answered Kasaki’s question. Walking through a maze of corridors Namix comes to the main doors of the castle leading outside. Opening the doors both Namix and Kasaki walk onto the grounds, a stingy dark area with not much mood or happiness.
  17. Cobwebs fall down upon the outside walls of the castle and some small amount of hooded figures roamed the castle outlying. On the top ramparts of the castle hooded figures scan the land and stand guard. Each one of them carrying unique weapons of different types, the weapons designed for each different one of them. Finally as they leave the castle walls there is a small house on the outskirt, “My Home,” Namix announces proud fully.
  18. “Dingy isn’t it?” Kasaki says with a slight frown on his face. Namix smiles and leads Kasaki to the door and opens it. Inside the house were finely designed old medieval designs and scrolls covered with dust lying on top of shelves. Candles were lit laying out a beautiful gleam off of Namix’s prisms hanging on the ceiling. “I guess I was wrong,” Kasaki says smiling and begins running about instantly.
  19. “We shall have dinner in about one hour, so, Kasaki, make yourself at home,” Namix says than begins cooking. Kasaki continues exploring as every little kid does or is prone to do in a new house. “Kasaki, are your eyes, emerald colored?”
  20. Kasaki shakes his head yes and explores more, looking through nooks and cracks. “I like it here,” Kasaki states than plops down on the couch. “What is that, Namix?” Kasaki asks pointing at a finely tempered sword, with a blue emblazoned color emitting from it. The sword was curved slightly with a sapphire placed at the back of the hilt.
  21. “Hmm, so you are eyeing my old sword? Well it’s mine as I just said and that is the sword I may pass down to you. That is when your demon training is done.”
  22. “Demon training?” Kasaki asks inquisitively.
  23. “Well, yes, you have to be able to learn to become a demon, ok?” Namix asks, than Kasaki nods ok.



Last edited by MazarDantechildofdevil : 04-10-2007 at 06:17 PM.
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03-22-2007, 06:01 PM

  1. Two knocks come from behind the oak doors as the devil is reading some scrolls, “Come in,” he calls out before a third knock can be heard. The doors begin to open and another hooded figure approaches into the room.
  2. “You know I hate it, when you do that? Y’know opening the doors like that,” the hooded figure says, in his arms a bundle of cloth.
  3. “Fear, why have fear when you should embrace the darkness, though fear is darkness, is that Neiru?” the devil says standing up slowly from his throne chair.
  4. Looking into the devils hooded face the hooded figure says to him, “Random… but yes this is Neiru,” he than holds out the bundle showing Neiru, the babies, face.
  5. “He is a very cute baby, he shows no fear, unlike so---” the devil is quickly interrupted by the hooded figure.
  6. “‘Cept for he was crying his heart out when his dad was killed.”
    The devil raises his voice as if defying god, “I would like to finish what I’m saying before I am INTERRUPTED! Now as I was saying, Donsai, the kid shows no fear, I believe he has potential. Great potential, raise him.” The devil turns his back to the man named Donsai, Donsai than removes his hood showing his face. His hair of a white color and his eyes are deep ruby colored. His skin is fair and shows that he is around his twenties, but his body is built small though he isn’t a pushover in size.
  7. Donsai then answers, “What!? ME raise the lil’ brat!?”
  8. “Do not question ME!” the devil says turning very quick, fast than he disappears a dark vapor left behind soon appearing behind Donsai darkness left in his wake, “You are Donsai Qailoo, one of my most trusted officials I believe you to raise him as one of us.” Donsai does not jump from the sudden appearance behind him, but merely turns and looks into the cold black area where the hood conceals the devil’s face.
  9. “Yes, I will sir,” Donsai responds showing anger and contempt in his eyes as he than walks around the man and heads towards the doors.
  10. You hate me Donsai? Good you might as well, it shows you are embracing the darkness fully,” the devil laughs and keeps his back towards Donsai. Donsai continues walking out not caring what was just said and looks into Neiru’s eyes.
  11. In a low voice he says to Neiru, “Why do you, a young child have to go through this? Because life is not fair and the devil definitely is never fair.”



Last edited by MazarDantechildofdevil : 03-30-2007 at 06:23 PM.
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03-22-2007, 06:03 PM

Ok, there are supposed to be indentions but this dang site won't indent well..So sorry I may repost later with Indentiosn's if I can Figure it out.
Hah, found it out, I may have to repost those.


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03-22-2007, 06:07 PM

So this is the story but I can't get the indenting to work right so It may take awhile of Editing.


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03-22-2007, 06:11 PM

Mod's can you do me a favor and indent those for me, I can't figure out how to make it right, when you click edit you'll see what para's need indentions.


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03-30-2007, 06:24 PM

Alright I've added lists infront of each new Para. so you can tell which is which. Oh and I will add chapter two tommorrow or Today. Depends

Tommorrow= April 1
Today= March 30


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03-30-2007, 06:42 PM

Mazar - I've started reading your story and its quite good. Would you be ok if I were to give a critique on it and any tips that I may have collected over the years?




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