Samurai and Love continued. let me know what you think

[Sutiiven]

Keikos a nice caring woman but she doesn't take crap from anyone i would say the best thing to do is be yourself around her or she will silce you with her katana and dont let her sneak up on you. i think wait kanji, we met when she snuck up on us. people around the village say she is a master at alchemy to and when we last saw her she was with him the way his face was the way you could see the fire in his eyes it was like looking at the devil himself.the perfectionof his technique when he swung his sword it was as if they air was saying your going to die from each swing daemon we were injured but so was he but yet he kept going no matter the amount of pain he was in but you could see the passion between them when they were together but now i know what he saw a woman more beautiful than a rose. daemon i will not let you hurt her wait there kanji i want her bones but we need to get through vesperd, swiftant kanji i will help my former enemy and i daemon will kill him and then take her bones and use the for my armor and rule.

keiko i will know kill you and send you to the flames of hell swiftant vesperd i can not let you do this for he is not to far from catching us we will have to move out quickly send 12 of your top assasins to hold him him back and have them use their sleep bombs if successful we can have al least a 3 and a half day lead warn all the branches and tell them to meet here later on tommorw and vesperd go get you samurai and bring them all were going to plan a strategy and from the reports sir we have 18 wounded and 36 dead assains
we will quit for now vesperd you leave before dawn.

[Excessum]

Mmm... this peace of story is very hard to follow, due to the high capacity of facts in one sentence, the lack of punctuation and explanations of what is happening, the continuity is questionable as well. It seems that you have some great ideas, but just let them flow in the story instead of bursting them with a automatic rifle... so far it's just a big mess.. sorry >_<

Here... a pieve of what i've done... i know it's far from perfection, but just take a look: http://www.japanforum.com/forum/memb...tml#post168879