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Currently being written -
11-15-2007, 08:54 AM
Well I think its time to get a few opinions on the book I am currently writing. It will be High Fantasy and a Trilogy the title is Trivial Matters.
~~~ Wyverian Obelisk was exiled from his home for the murder of his sweetheart. While exiled he meets up with the also exiled spellcaster, Deland Rohl, the two soon become very close friends. Deland takes it upon himself to train Wyverian in the sword and in the art of pyrokinesis, as well as gives Wyverian his most cherished possession the Raven Blade. After they raid a town for food and supplies, Deland is struck down and Wyverian is given a scar across his face. A few weeks later Wyverian receives a note to return home, he rushes back only to find it burnt to the ground, with a note attached to the sign. This sends him head first into an adventure that will shape the very beginning of the end of the world. However for now they are just... Trivial Matters. 
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11-15-2007, 02:17 PM
What's your problem? The idea is great. You can't just strike a person down.
http://www.freewebs.com/fantasyfact/jffamily.htm Perv Dance 1 2 3 step step jump step step grope step step touch step step kiss and *SLap!!! fantasyfact.proboards54.com
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11-15-2007, 04:00 PM
Quote:
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11-15-2007, 06:10 PM
Not bad, shows potential, however it doesnt not reveal any bigger idea to hold the reader beside "the very (<-- that word not needed) beginning of the end of the world."
- Try to match up the tenses in a paragraph/chapter, switching between past and present can be confusing. - Give a little more description as your write, when you introduce a character or special object. Things like what is the Raven Blade (besides a sword, is it made of something special?, a legendary sword)? He recieves a scar on his face (where is the scar? how big is the scar? <--- The way you worded it sounds like "Rurouni Kenshin's" version of how he recieved his scar from the girl) I would like to read more about this story, it sounds interesting.
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11-15-2007, 06:25 PM
This sounds like a really good high fantasy novel
 I plan on reading it when (if) it comes out  I'm currently writing a high fantasy novel myself , though the story's not as good as yours  If you need any help on it, I review fanfics a lot so if you want, just come to me
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11-15-2007, 07:39 PM
Quote:
Name: Wyverian Obelisk Age: 30 Gender: Male Class: Fighter Job: Mercenary Race: Human Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Element: Fire Physical Description: He is medium height, slightly built, his eyes are ember colored though look pure gold if the light hits them just right. He has shaggy red hair down to his shoulders, his skin is slightly tanned. He is clean shaven he looks to weigh about 150 Ibs, he doesn’t bare any tattoos or piercings of any kind. He has one long scar the crosses his entire face it starts in the upper left and ends on the lower right, he has a angular face. He wears a maroon tunic with ash grey slacks his leather boots come up to about his knee. His cloak is a ruby red color and is tattered and frayed around the edges. He wears a common leather belt which he keeps his water flask, rations, and pouch of darts on. Equipment: He carries the bare essentials a old flask of water, a small bag of food, and his own custom made sword which is as black as the night on a new moon raven’s are etched into the sword’s blade the handle of it is made from dark ebony wood. His friend and partner gave him his sword as a token of their friendship. He also carries a small pouch full of darts which he only uses to hunt with. He is not exceptionally good shot with his darts he can kill a deer with one dart placed in its neck from ten foot. Death Raven Blade: He carries a custom made sword which is as black as the night on a new moon raven’s are etched into the sword’s blade the handle of it is made from dark ebony wood. His friend and partner gave him his sword as a token of their friendship. In times of need, or on command, or when it is stolen the sword's ravens glow a deep purple. The sword then grows raven wings which are stronger and sharper then the blade was in the first place. The sword can do this a second time making the wings larger and sharper, also the ravens glow an even darker purple. In its transformed states it can burst into several ravens that always fly back to Wyverian no matter where the sword was when it burst into the ravens. Also on command the sword can summon Warphorror (Name is just a place holder) to his aid. Original ability: Flame Effigy: He is able to create a copy of him out of flames. This copy can move and fight with a freewill. If attacked it will burn whatever touched it just like fire would normally do. The copy drains mental energy so he can only maintain it for a short period of time, also he needs a large source of flames to do it. This can be used up to 3 times per fight. Personality: He is a fairly unsociable type of guy he hates it when people go up to him looking to be friends. Though he is not mean unless he puts you on his list of names just cold and indifferent, he just wants to be left alone but once he finally accepts you as one of his friends he is fiercely loyal to the point of stupidity. He enjoys most quiet activities and tends to hate large, crowed, and noisy rooms. He will not steal from friends but anyone else is fair game. Fears and Weaknesses: He is terrified of spiders and other arachnids to the point of being arachnophobic. He tends to prefer warmer weather then cold though neither bother him. Biography: His mother was Alexandria Obelisk and his father was Artmeis Obelisk. He had two brothers Rai and Ren. He spent most of his childhood watching his brothers get into knock-down-drag-out fights. His brothers were eventually thrown out for disrupting the peace to many times. That would be the last time he would ever see his older brothers again. He was sent to school for a time though do to his lack of caring he was never a very good student unless it came to fighting techniques. He spent most of his school career picking fights, training with his father who knew a little of the sword but most of his training would come later on in life. It wasn’t up until his second to last year that he would attend school he got his first girlfriend. Marie was a sweet and generous girl she saw something deep in him that no one else did or ever would even he. They dated till he was fifteen. At that time he also was thrown out of his hometown for the murder of his girlfriend. Even though there was no proof to convict him since no corpse was ever found. Soon after he meets up with someone who would become a great friend, Deland Rohl was a merciless mage and fighter who trained Wyverian to use swords and scythes. After about a year Deland had given him the sword which he still carries to this day. For a few years he and Deland raided the local towns and farms trying to make a living. One day Deland was struck down by a guard and Wyverian, upon fleeing, was given a scar across his face by a guardsman’s ax. Wyverian stayed at his and Deland’s old camp and continued to steal from the passersby. He did this until he received a note stating that there was new information concerning the death of his girlfriend Emelyne. He was to return to his hometown, but when he arrived the town was in ruins only the welcome sign still stood. Wyverian searched the town for survivors but could not find any. However, he did come across another note in the same handwriting as the first one he had received. Wyverian then set off to look for the author of the notes because there was something familiar about that writing. As you can see I already have a detailed character bio, what I posted was just what you might see on the back cover.
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