Your worst relationship and how you feel about that person.

[TalnSG]

I am resurrecting this thread because I want some unbiased opinions, and because I sort of need to vent.
A bit more than 10 years ago I had a relationship with someone come to a disastrous end - very publicly. We had toured the country lecturing at events together and I was this person's coach when they competed and won and international title. So everyone in our community knew way too much about our life together.

What they didn't know was that we bought a house together and then we parted because of that person's alcoholism and drug use. Or that I left my husband to be with this person. Or that this person forced me into bankruptcy. I dropped out of public events to mend my heart and finances, except to defend my reputation when she initially tried to trash me. I refrained from discussing any of this in public, because my friends knew the truth and I didn't care about the others.

Saturday I learned that this person has suddenly returned to public life in the community we left. People are coming to me trying to get me to be active again, because they are seeing the bad influence of this other person on younger people in community.

Here's my question.
Would you risk your quiet, comfortable way of life by resuming your old role as a community leader if there was a chance to stop an old enemy from hurting a group of strangers?
- Knowing that it would overshadow everything except earning a living,
- Knowing that you will be facing someone who shattered your heart and walked away once before,
- Knowing you may not be able to protect the innocent who, no matter how hard you try.

I jokingly say that I am recovering activist, but sometimes I almost go back to banging my head against the brick walls of society. And once again I am being tempted.

[MissMisa]

Originally Posted by TalnSG

I am resurrecting this thread because I want some unbiased opinions, and because I sort of need to vent.
A bit more than 10 years ago I had a relationship with someone come to a disastrous end - very publicly. We had toured the country lecturing at events together and I was this person's coach when they competed and won and international title. So everyone in our community knew way too much about our life together.

What they didn't know was that we bought a house together and then we parted because of that person's alcoholism and drug use. Or that I left my husband to be with this person. Or that this person forced me into bankruptcy. I dropped out of public events to mend my heart and finances, except to defend my reputation when she initially tried to trash me. I refrained from discussing any of this in public, because my friends knew the truth and I didn't care about the others.

Saturday I learned that this person has suddenly returned to public life in the community we left. People are coming to me trying to get me to be active again, because they are seeing the bad influence of this other person on younger people in community.

Here's my question.
Would you risk your quiet, comfortable way of life by resuming your old role as a community leader if there was a chance to stop an old enemy from hurting a group of strangers?
- Knowing that it would overshadow everything except earning a living,
- Knowing that you will be facing someone who shattered your heart and walked away once before,
- Knowing you may not be able to protect the innocent who, no matter how hard you try.

I jokingly say that I am recovering activist, but sometimes I almost go back to banging my head against the brick walls of society. And once again I am being tempted.

That is a very difficult situation your in, and since I am only 17 I don't think I can give you much advice of any use. What I would say is, think long and hard and don't just launch yourself in despite people pressuring you. What I would also say is, if you are not passionate about your old role and all you can see is cloudy skies then don't bother. If you no longer have that ambitious drive towards a certain job then I expect it will become very dull, very quickly, and from the points you listed it seems you are not very enthusiastic about it. Me personally, I'm young and I have a big ambitious drive, I wouldn't back down and let the community suffer because of him. Then again, I haven't been through what you have been through so I can understand why this would be hard. Helping people is probably the most rewarding thing you could do in life in my opinion, regardless of whether it is strangers. But you really have to weigh up the obstacles and see what would be right for yourself. If you are unhappy and life becomes a drag then helping people would be terribly difficult.

[TalnSG]

Thanks, Misa. Younger, less experienced (less jaded) views are really what I am looking for.

Its a heart-head conflict for me. Heart says that defender role is who I am and always will be. But the head remembers all the problems.
When approached Saturday I was adamantly refusing, and determined to remain the hermit. But the heart is longing to be back in the scene and working. For now I remaining the silent observer, but soon I will have to either step up or retreat.

[Asakura]

Well this is an extremely complicated and involved problem.


Here is is what I would do faced with these questions

Would you risk your quiet, comfortable way of life by resuming your old role as a community leader if there was a chance to stop an old enemy from hurting a group of strangers?

I would ask myself is my commitment to this couse worth it? If it was I would have no doubts. How much does saving these people mean to you? would you be going in for them? Or just to spite the person that hurt you?

- Knowing that it would overshadow everything except earning a living,

Once again it's the queston of commitment. If it is worth pouring your entire being into it than have no regrets and never look back. If it isn't if there is any doubt, it's quite simple, don't.

- Knowing that you will be facing someone who shattered your heart and walked away once before,

Do what you feel is right for you, do it it spite of them. That is the greatest revenge you can have. Or, hard as this sounds. Forgive them, and take away the power they have over you. This person is indirectly manipulating you. It seems like you hold onto the pain. When you forgive them you take away all the power that they have to hurt you. And I'm not some holy-roller either. I may be young but this I have experinced.

- Knowing you may not be able to protect the innocent who, no matter how hard you try.
You can never save all the innocent. But if you don't try you'll never know how many you could have saved. And how many more are lost for it. It sounds cheesy but it is true.

Taln, You do what you feel is right. And whatever decision you make. I promise I'll back you up 100%. And I think I speak for all your friends on JF and probably elsewhere.