what am i supposed to think ... or do?
 

Ok, so there's this guy who I've been friends with for almost 2 years. Recently we've been... let's call it 'seeing' each other because we have no title for this. Well... we spent the weekend together (he's in NYC and I'm upstate NY) and it was a really great time. He kept asking if I'd miss him when I came back and made me promise not to forget him once I got home again... he knew I wouldn't but I think he wanted to hear it.

Then today he was talking to his ex gfs brother (they're still kinda friends) and then he kind of realized that he still has feelings for her but he's not sure at all.

I told him that I was hurt. He apologized and was like "we had a wonderful weekend and I had to ruin it with my mind. It was a really special weekend."

But, he's still confused as to whether he likes his ex or not. He's not sure if he really does or if he's just missing her since they were together like 8 years. Of course he will always care - that's a long time to be with someone - but there's a difference between caring and still having feelings for her. He doesn't know.

And here I am... hurt and crying. I haven't cried in almost a year. I don't know what to do and had to vent to someone.

I wouldn't say forget about him right away. You're in a tender spot right now, so take anything said with a grain of salt, and do some thinking before you do anything.

Quite frankly, he doesn't know what he wants. It may not be the girl he's missing, but what he saw in the girl that he misses; in short, he's missing the things that switched him on so to speak, and made him more attracted to the person he was dating. This isn't necessarily true, but usually when someone goes missing someone like that when they're in a relationship with someone else, they just can't make up their minds. Otherwise, he'd be stuck on you like white on rice.

Here's one solution: confront him about it, and tell him to make up his mind. No point in getting upset about whatever decision he makes, just so long as he makes one; at this point, he's just not being fair to you whilst he's taking his time making up his mind.

The guy you like is an emotional fool, he's the type to be your bitch. :D

Are you really 21?

Yes...
Are you calling me immature?
He's 26 ... so what does that make him?
(An idiot. haha)
But because I'm 21 doesn't mean I have all the answers or that I can't feel confused or hurt by this.

it takes a while to get over people....

usually it takes a fresh peice of meat for every year your going out....
and a BARE minimum of a fresh piece of meat for every 2 years before you stop comparing physically....

e.g. bob dates rose for 4 years...
they break up...
the next girl bob sleeps with...he is comparing with rose
the 2nd girl again he is comparing to rose...but also to the first girl...so not as much
by the third girl bob has stopped automatically comparing them to rose...
but he is STILL thinking about her...
still on the 4th girl...he has rose on his mind...but its only a distant memory...

only at girl number 5... is bob ready for anything involving commitment...cos anything before then...IS just a rebound

let him get back 2 his ex.gf.

His fantastic weekend with you made him feel guilty.

This means he obviously feels very attached to his ex and wants to be with her...

It's unfair on you, but while he doesn't know what he wants, deep down he knows.

If you want to keep seeing him, leave your emotions at home :)

it might be best if you start seeing other ppl. you can still talk to him and all, but also check out other options, you know? cuz if him and his ex were really a big thing before it might be a while til he's fully over her

My advice is - go out and get drunk ! - it fixes everything !

lol too bad i've never even had a sip of alcohol in my life and don't plan to. :p

Let him be the one to make the next move. Just keep a distance, don't act like you're totally hung up on him, if he knows that then you're screwed.

Wow now that is admirable xD!

lol because I have never had any urge to drink. I can have fun without it.
(and I used to be a bartender too lol ironic, i know)
and thanks Suki! :D

We've managed to go back to acting normally towards each other. He's keeping his plans to come visit next weekend so we'll see how that goes. I'm just going to act like I always do. I would rather keep him as my best friend and move on than cut him out completely. We kind of need each other, lol. Anyway, he told me he was acting a little quietly because he hated himself for hurting me. Doesn't make the situation less painful, but ya know what?...

....Sitting here wishing it hadn't happened wouldn't make it go away. So, I'm going to just be happy. It's not worth being upset that upset over. I'll be hanging out with my other guy friends in the meantime ... maybe I'll meet someone then... maybe not. Either way, I'll be happy. I don't need a guy in my life to make me that way.

Thanks everyone for your help!