Bureda's Jokes

[Bureda]

Originally Posted by pumpum

My mother taught me to party and fight !!

She didn't teach you any manners and how to avoid ban though.

[Bureda]

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.... that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet again.....

The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night.

The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you... then we made love all night long.'

The married one then said: 'Well, last night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.

My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV remote and a beer, plopped his fat ass on the couch and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'

[EveV]

That sounds like something my lady would say.

[Bureda]

Yes, very charming. Anyway, don't be too eager to sort yourself out people, enjoy the freedom!

[Bureda]

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the Captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying son of a b1tch. told you I was speeding, too!

[Suki]

Hahahaha good one xD

PS: I've never been held up for speeding

[Suki]

How hard must it be to have sex standing with stilettos on?

I love strapless leather corsets <3

[Pyro]

lmao! nice one. My mom got out of a speeding ticket once, she was pleading to the officer like hell. She said she would clean his car and brush his teeth for him no joke o.O got off with a warning. -.-'

[Pyro]

Sad really that it wouldn't be surpriseing. lol

[Eiri]

I got pulled for running a red light.....had to pay $213 for it too >_< I'm never doing that again.....