My mum has issues with my boyfriend.
 

I'v been with my boyfriend for at least 5 or 6 months now. Of course I'm 16 and its only natural for a mum to worry. But its to the point were she doesn't want me any were near him and even in the beginning she refused to meet him unless it was serious enough. I get the feeling... its more of a knowing, that she has a problem with him being vietnamese. It might sound silly but I think were in love and breaking up over this just isn't an option.

sarah

hmm... I cant really tell how looks like the relationships between parents and their kids in japan. In Europe... when kids are gettin older and older they starting to get their own opinions, they are about to start makin first serious decisions but regarding love I've always doing what I want! The opinion of my mother or father wasn't crucial.

There never was a situation like this that my mother dont agree about some girls. But tell... what about this that guy is Vietnamese? They are on lowers social status in Japan or what?

You know if you really love that guy I suggest this. Try to oppose your mom. Do it in hard way! Maybe when she recognize that you really care about this guy, that it really is love (BTW you are convinced that this IS REAL LOVE??) she would surrender! But it is just hypothetical. Try to consider every way and possibilities and do your best:vsign: !

Yeah, your right. By the way, I'm from Australia. Its him being asian in general that she doesn't agree with. Sorry should have pointed that one out. I'm not entirely sure why it maters what my parents think. Maybe its just one of those cultural things. But yeah its not as if they're the ones dating him.:) BTW, to answer your question, yeah I really do love him.

Thank you so much for your input. Much appreciated.:)

mhm australia/japan that really doesn't matter... you know when Im putting myself in your situation... hmm I think I could have problem with my parents too. But whom I'll gonna married or with who I'll start dating - its my business. So I would definitely oppose my parents. I don't know what person you are... if you're rich or poor or not poor and not rich. Social status to rich parents is really important - I dont approve it cos its our life and we should decide it ourself. If you dont want to give up on him then try show your parents the very good sites of your man:)

Aww... so you think your mom may not like you dating because he's vietnamese? That's rather sad... my mom and dad have this thing against Koreans, and when I made friends with one in my childhood, they didn't want him coming home with me... We moved a little after we met, but I do remember that all very vividly. And I like Koreans.

As for your mom, you need to explain to her that no one should ever be stereotyped like that. If he's good for you and truly loves you, ignore your parents and keep dating him. You may change their thoughts on him. They'll see that you were right in choosing him if he makes you happy.

Agreed with yoru

I never listened to anything anybody ever tells me and ive achieved very much on my own. The moral of my story do what you want not what others want no matter who it is.

Let's see, maybe it's not because of racial issues but maybe it's because she doesnt trust you boyfriend. I mean, for people from past generations like your mom, some modern day fashion appearance may be an issue. For example, maybe your boyfriend wears piercings or he has a fancy hairstyle or he has a tatoo, blah blah blah. Those things are really big deal for some people, my grandma would always yell at me for putting hair highlights because she thinks that i look like a person who uses drugs, or those kind of stuff.

I have to agree on that reason coz no parents wants anything harm happen to their childrens.. :vsign:

Wow what a terrible situation to be in.

I wouldn't worry about what your mum thinks too much. It sounds like she isn't outright stopping you from seeing him. Also you're nearly 18 which means you will become independent, can move out and make your own decisions then so if it becomes serious in that time... it will be up to your mother to come to terms with it and not the other way around.

What I don't get is you're Aussies, living in a land that time forgot and is one of the most diversified countries out there. Lots of Asians.

How did you come to the conclusion that she's racist and not just over protective of you. :rolleyes:

You're still immature enough to know the meaning of love. You're parents know already what's right or wrong. Even people who are grown up still have some mistakes in life where they are hurt.

Honestly, I would outright ask her what she doesn't like about him, and why this thing she doesn't like so strong that she wants you to break up with him. If you find that she can't really give you a legitimate reason why she doesn't like him (such as something related to his personality, behavior, etc.), then it really might be because she is racist. I dunno how direct you'd want to be in confronting her about it, but if she can't give you real answer, personally, I would ask her flat out if she doesn't like him because he's Vietnamese?

I have a friend who's in a similar situation, just in reverse. Her Vietnamese boyfriend's mother doesn't her because she's white. She's having a hard time dealing with his mother because she is so closeminded, but hopefully your mom isn't as bad as his :)

Thank you
 

How I know this is to do with him being asian is that she told me, "I don't mind you being with him but as long as you don't marry him or anything. I don't want asian grandchildren." And I do apologise if that has offended anyone, as I was deeply offended myself when I heard those words.
I love my mum because she is my mum. I don't like to be put in that situation but eventually I will be old enough to stand on my own two feet. Until then I can only hold on and if he really does love me the way I love him then his patience with me will not fade. BTW, from what I heard his mum wasn't exactly jumping for joy when she found out I was white either but that doesn't really worry me much.
You would think that this kind of thing would'nt be a problem in Australia but my mum's side of the family is, I guess you could say a little judgement. But if I'm the person to teach them something about life then so be it. In which case I will not only be holding on for my love for him but the sake of widening the perspective those close to me.
thank you all who took the time to assist me in thinking this over as you have great help and it is deeply appreciated.
Sarah:p

You seem to have a healthy approach to this situation in my opinion.

Good luck with your family and your relationship :)

Hey Sarah 22!
I understand your situation quite well! My Mum is like your Mum. "Why does he have to be Japanese? I don't wanna have half-Japanese grandchildren!" Sounds quite familiar, doesn't it? It is a really hard situation, for you even more than for me. I am already studying in another city and my boyfriend is living in Japan, so my family doesn't have so much influence on me anymore. But you are still young, so your mum might be thinking your relationship is like 'kid's first love play'. Even my mum is thinking that and I am 21!
It must be very hard for you, but if you really love that guy, you should decide for yourself! You seem mature enough to me to handle that situation quite well. :vsign:
Wish you good luck!

i dont know how a mother thinks nor how a woman love
but have you ever considered how the guy feels

if i were the guy would want my girlfriend to face your kind of problem
partly because i think it would be troublesome or i just dont wanna have
the guilt later on when things didnt work out.
at least thats what my mind tells me
but unfortunately never did it lol(my gf and i are dating for 4 years now since she was 14 and me 17, we still have problem with her family)

if you BOTH think you have something special i think you should not give it up over family pressure.

being young is not even an issue but an advantage how many people find their significant other at young age. my final word is just take it slow you still have lots of time for each other

aww You only really have one option..

Kill your mother.

or tell her: "And why did you have children, they where born half stupid."
(ofc a rude joke, does'nt mean sarah22 is stupid)

Just talk to your mom, sould in the end be okey. Or dig in her history and find something she did ^^ allways works.

put yourself on your mom's position and sincerely think what would you do to your sixteen year daughter having an affair. of course world will be much different when you are a mom of a sixteen year old.

Guess what. Your mom's a bit racist. Take was she says with a grain of salt, because she's most likely talking through a microphone connected to a racism amplifier.

My advice:

Keep your vagina closed, and pass your school.
This world has enough pricks.

I personally, would like to see Aussies coming over to London to work not drink and chat shit.

Become one of the leaders!

oddly...... that actually seems odd....
"?bureda?" actually suggesting a female keep her thing shut?
>.>'''

and for non-nefarious purposes no less...
>.>''

I am too kind sometimes.

Bureda@ I'm sending you hearts
<33
Tee hee~


Anyway girl, u needa stand up for ur guy.
My mom is like that, mostly just for fun, but you have to fight racism!!
- for the sake of our grandchildren, our future generations in general. FOR THE WORLD.


lolz

I give you my love too.
:rheart:

What I don't get is how you think that there aren't racists in Australia just because its got lots of Asians :rolleyes:

Your life, your boyfriend, your choise but still, she might have some bad experience and might see something in him that she thinks you don't etc.
Well just listen to what she's got to say, if she's not reasonable or have some werid opinion :confused: just be stubborn (I bet your boyfriend will like it :mtongue:)

This is not good advice.

Firstly, you need to put the things you need ahead of the things you want. You should listen very carefully to what others think and do, a wise person learns as much (hopefully more) from other's mistakes as they learn from their own.

As much as you may be in love, you are only 16, and are not yet mature enough to make objective judgments. Even if you are wise for your age (and many people are), you need to think of your situation without being too emotional about it.

That said, you shouldn't worry too much about your mom's opinion of your boyfriend. I think it has less to do with him being Vietnamese than him just being a boy. No doubt she's remembering her own experiences (good and bad) at your age and worrying about how you will do. Before long she'll get used to the idea, and she'll probably offer some advice, which will hopefully be useful.

my Girlfriends parents still hate me, and i think they always will. and my parents hate her. i think its partly because they are so selfish that they want all their child's love for them. i was friends with her brother for a very long time and was also in a way 'friends' with her parents, then we started dating and instantly they hated me-.-

Yeah, but not all aussies are like that. :/ what does THAT have to do with it?
And having a "closed" vagina has nothing to do with it, I don't think.
Her mother and her are thinking long-term, maybe, but doesn't mean anything.
She's obviously being more mature about the situation than most her age would be. She's just trying to figure out how to handle a mother is who ignorant enough to try and say what she doesn't want, when it's not her choice in the end in most societies.

Hi Sarah:

It's good to see a fellow Aussie here and even better in NSW:)

My true feelings are that deep down inside, your parents do have a problem with your BF's culture.

I guess Vietnamese cop the raw end of the stick in NSW due to all the negative news and happenings coming from the Cabramatta area of Western Sydney relating to drugs and crime, refugee status, etc.

I guess in reality, it only applies to each individual involved, but hey, racism and discrimination are a fact of life, and unless one is a full on Feral living of the land in the Daintree Rainforest (And they are their), I don't think it will ever die, and admit it or not, it affects us all, although some are to worried to admit that.

Many countries around the globe have turbulent history's relating to discrmination, racism coming later.

Asia is well and truly affected both internally and externally, as is Australia, Europe and the US, no doubt South America to so It's definitely not a secret.

I have to say that when I first fell in love with a JP national, my Mother was not amused either, although at 41, she doesn't have the control over me that she once did.

It's a difficult one, maybe sit down with your parents, have an adult chat regarding the real issues, hopefully you will have a chance to air your side of the story, and take it from their..

Good luck either way and say G'day to NSW for me:) (I miss her dearly)

In a way I understand what you're going through .
My boyfriend is Korean, and I am white .
We've been going out for just about 6 months .
And today , my father went up to me ( jokingly but it still offended me today )
"We're an endangered species us white folks "
Of course it wasn't completely random, we had some conversation that led up to that.

I'm sure you're mom wants you to be happy , and yes you are still young ( I'm about your age myself, but I'm aware I'm young xD )
But maybe when you grow up to be like 25 or something, if you're still with him, she'll understand you truly are in love ,and that him being viet has no right to stop you guys from being in love.

( I hope that made some sense , it kind all splurged out xD )