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in love with a taken japanese girl.. - 12-15-2008, 03:42 AM

title says it all..
im in dire need of help.
im no otaku or anything of the sort.
im a normal officeguy, 24.
i am now crazily falling really fast for my officemate, which is 28.
shes not the prettiest japanese girl youll see. but shes one of the most charming girls ive met. and its that charm i couldnt resist.

the thing is.. she is already taken. i cant confirm if she has a live in partner, but she is definitely taken.

now ive held my desire for her for almost a year cause i know its wrong to make a move on her.. ive liked her since 2007 you see..
but lately we were talking more and more, and i just cant help but think about her every hour now that it bothers my work.

i know a thing or 2 here in japan, and that is girls and guys can never be "friends", it will always mean something else to the publics eye.
i would even take being her friend if possible, but its hard when i feel she is only being kind to me because were officemates.

ive tried texting her, sending her mail messages and she would reply at some point (if i am asking her something).

i am really tempted to try and make a move for her...

i KNOW this is a really huge sin, really really wrong and i should be punched right in the mouth for even thinking of this.

i dont even know what i want to hear from you guys..
i just want to speak out my mind before i go crazy here, trying to control myself.

Zed Knightly


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12-15-2008, 03:58 AM

Zed,

You've got two choices: become friends with her, or become her lover. If she's already taken, you can't have both.

Keep talking with her. Get to know her. Do not become a shoulder to cry on. If you find out her boyfriend is a jerk who doesn't treat her like a queen, make your move and sweep her away. If he's a decent man, let it be. If she's really happy with him, don't come between them.


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12-15-2008, 04:00 AM

1. That sucks. I have a great deal of friends who are girls, and they're better to talk to than guys. Talk about being behind enemy lines, I get tons of information on women that way. Skadoosh.

2. It's not a sin, so don't pin yourself to a cross for, gasp, thinking about wanting to try to make a move on her. It shows you actually like the girl, which means something.

If you're not going to try to get anywhere with it, then I'd suggest moving on. Best way is to find out, someway, if she actually digs the guy she's with. Sounds crazy I know, but you'd be surprised at how many people will stay with someone they don't like, just because they're afraid of being alone. Of course, if she's liking the guy she's already with and you're trying to "convince" her otherwise, then that's kinda' a dick move. But that's just my take; I'm not well versed in these kinds of things.


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thanks - 12-15-2008, 04:10 AM

wow. i envy u. im taking your a foreigner and u have made japanese friends..?
how did u manage to break the barrier? haha...

back to the topic..
@Keaton
interesting advice mate..
made it sound easy as pie. my problem with her is, i dont know how to be close to her. she is taken. and she is a typical japanese. kind of have a barrier that seperates work from personal life. i can tell..

i want to make a move on her. be it for friends or more. although im still n the verge of deciding which to do, i still have this problem to overcome. how do i get close to her..

@thirdsight
thanks mate, ur so kind. but really, many would punch me just for the thought im having.
as for if she likes the guy shes seeing or not, that i dont know. ive heard they have had problems, which explains why she aint married yet.. i think.

also the bf seemed to be huge. can kill me with one blow (or so the story goes)


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12-15-2008, 04:18 AM

Welp, my girlfriend may not be the typical Japanese, or even a typical girl, but she was reserved to a degree - until one night she told me that she'd been falling for me. I had a fling going with some chick at the time so she'd held her feelings back. I didn't sleep until I made her mine. She'd been dating some emo jerk she didn't even like, just because she was lonely, so I didn't hesitate to "steal" her.

It sounds like y'all are getting closer. That work barrier can be a tricky one, but you could try asking her out for drinks one night. Could be a start for you two, and if she was that close to her boyfriend I doubt she'd go out for drinks with another guy.


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12-15-2008, 04:23 AM

I envy you. Your situation sounds really fun. But you know what, she may be taken but that doesnt mean that she cant love anymore. Break some rules. Be close friends with her and be prepared for confrontations if her boyfriend finds out. Be a man, face the barriers. Be close to each other and i'm telling you, she'll be yours in no time.


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12-15-2008, 04:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keaton421 View Post
Welp, my girlfriend may not be the typical Japanese, or even a typical girl, but she was reserved to a degree - until one night she told me that she'd been falling for me. I had a fling going with some chick at the time so she'd held her feelings back. I didn't sleep until I made her mine. She'd been dating some emo jerk she didn't even like, just because she was lonely, so I didn't hesitate to "steal" her.

It sounds like y'all are getting closer. That work barrier can be a tricky one, but you could try asking her out for drinks one night. Could be a start for you two, and if she was that close to her boyfriend I doubt she'd go out for drinks with another guy.
you read my mind mate!

actually that was what i was thinking of wether doing or not.

i am really itching to ask her out for a dinner. I know if she says no, it will mean the end. for my hopes of having her, AND hopes of being her friend. isnt that right?

if she says yes, then that would be a fantastic start, even if its just a friendly dinner on her mind.

but the problem is, like i said, there is this barrier i cant seem to figure out.
if she is just being nice cause of work, or shes really nice.

and what if she rejects the offer? the next officeday i think the news is gonna spread here in the office, and id look like some bad guy trying to steal a girl. (which is exactly as it is im afraid, should it comes down to that).

im going in circles and i really dont know what i want to do anymore.

i just know i want her.

im sorry if im making it hard on u mate, im really confusing. heck im confusing myself.


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12-15-2008, 04:36 AM

If she says no, it's not the end! You gotta have the winning attitude if you're going to get this fine lady. Be ready to go the distance. Settle for nothing less than lovers until she tramples you in the dirt (or gets her boyfriend to). The fact that you're willing to just be with her means you obviously care about her.



If you've seen this movie, you'll know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, go rent Big Fish NOW. I mean it, right now. As a southern military man, damn does that scene strike a cord with me.

You're not asking her on a date - you may have some motives, but that's your story, so stick to it. So when the gossip fairy comes around, you can say "what's the matter with a few drinks with a coworker?" Maybe in time you can show her these little "dates" are more than office stuff.

Animals compete for mates. I know my girl wouldn't go with anyone else. If a guy made a move for her, I wouldn't be offended; really, I couldn't blame the guy - but he'd be pulling back a stump in place of his hand. Be prepared for a guy like me But a few punches are the least of your worries, trust me


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Last edited by Keaton421 : 12-15-2008 at 04:38 AM.
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12-15-2008, 04:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by superheel View Post
I envy you. Your situation sounds really fun. But you know what, she may be taken but that doesnt mean that she cant love anymore. Break some rules. Be close friends with her and be prepared for confrontations if her boyfriend finds out. Be a man, face the barriers. Be close to each other and i'm telling you, she'll be yours in no time.

superheel.. are you envy with whose situation..? mine?
not something u would want to be envious of, trust me. its confusing me like crazy, add the fact that theres this barrier we all know is there..

i am trying to be close to her. but all i can do is talk to her during office break. its like a 2 min talk. we laugh then we move on, cause people will notice us.
or notice me (making a move) i guess.
asking her out is really an option of whether i should be punch or not, but as of this moment its what i want (the ask her out thing, not the punching part)


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12-15-2008, 04:51 AM

Well yes, for me, that kind of situation really proves how much you love the girl. You hanging out for a moment is a good thing, you should ask her number and make her think that your intention is only to be friends with her. Or maybe make her boyfriend notice you, so he'll confront you and maybe punch you, if he punch you don't punch back. Just do the "We're just friends" thing. the girl will feel bad and talk to you more. You know what I mean? Don't be afraid that people will notice you, just make a move and steal her from that guy.


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