Attitudes toward staying home.

[ozkai]

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

I've heard recently that many Japanese men, even in the 20-25 age range, still believe the ancient idea that it's a woman's responsibility to take care of the household. :/ If so, I'd have to look for a Japanese man that DOESN'T believe this in order for me to date him.

Although this veered way off topic, I thought it was worthy of discussion and gave it a thread all it`s own. The first post remains as a copy in the original thread. - Nyororin

You will never know until you start living together, although I think you will find many men prefer the women to do the housework, the same way many women prefer the men to do the car work. Your relationship will fail placing priorities on silly things like this.

I wished my wife wanted me to stay at home

[TalnSG]

Originally Posted by Yuna7780

But there's the problem when people have/want children and want to maintain a job. This requires much thinking and prioritizing. Hopefully, the kids would come first.

And the problem extends beyond the family in most cases. All you have to do is be the one person in an office who does not have children (by choice) and you will find that you are the one expected to work around other parents' problems. You will be asked to cover when they are absent, give them priority on tradtional family holidays, and numerous other minor irritations that will soon become major ones because of the frequency.

After years of this I have learned to truly value to stay-at-home parent. I wish more of my generation would have chosen to either stay at home and raise children, or work full time. One or the other!

I realize that financially this is not always possible, but I am beyond bearing the brunt of other people's poor family planning.

[bELyVIS]

Good point. I didn't think of that and I'm one of the childless "volunteers".

[Yuna7780]

Originally Posted by MMM

You would think so, but I meant it in all seriousness. How many times have I heard single mothers say "I play the role of the mom and the dad"?

No. You don't. You can't be both to a child. That doesn't mean you can't raise a child alone, but that child will be missing something without a father, just as he would be missing something without a mother.

I get the feeling (not from you, Yuna) that there is a sense in the world that the role of the father is...less important than that of the mother. I think that needs more close examination. The truckloads of statistics I found, (I only posted a handful) seem to indicate that without a father around, children have more trouble.

I am all for stay-at-home dads, but you are right. A stay-at-home dad is not a mother. Just as a stay-at-home mother is not a father.

Having a father is definitely just as important as having a mother. And I do agree that in today's society, parents try to take on both roles because of divorce, unexpected pregnancy, etc.

I think it's horrible that the idea of having a father or a father-like figure in a child's life seems kind of ousted. Having a father helps give different perspective, helps reinforce parental rules, and another helping member of the household.

We also see in much media today that males are usually very silly and irresponsible, and fathers often seem to be the "bad parent" in films that revolve around divorce or parent separation.

Not only the mother supports and nurtures children, but the father can really make a difference, like you said, or nurture in a different way. If the father does most work (out of the house) and doesn't get as much time with the children compared to the mother... he's still there, and the children have another supporting pillar in their life. I think having NO father would just be a little psychologically weird or confusing to small children and their development.

[Yuna7780]

Originally Posted by TalnSG

And the problem extends beyond the family in most cases. All you have to do is be the one person in an office who does not have children (by choice) and you will find that you are the one expected to work around other parents' problems. You will be asked to cover when they are absent, give them priority on tradtional family holidays, and numerous other minor irritations that will soon become major ones because of the frequency.

After years of this I have learned to truly value to stay-at-home parent. I wish more of my generation would have chosen to either stay at home and raise children, or work full time. One or the other!

I realize that financially this is not always possible, but I am beyond bearing the brunt of other people's poor family planning.

Ahhh. I do see what you mean. It is an annoyance and if a parent needs to work, things should be more organized at home, unless an emergency occurs.

I can understand when they would need to leave work because of unexpected child sickness and school breaks/vacations... but I think it's inappropriate to have work schedules changed because of poor planning. But it is appropriate to have schedules changed because of certain holidays when kids are off and the parent needs to watch kids that aren't old enough to be on their own.

[Hyakushi]

I never thought women and men had "roles" .
Well I lived by myself for well, ever since I can remember xD so I did most of the dishes, cleaning, etc.
Now that my girlfriend moved in though she has been doing a fair share of the house hold things.
Was surprised today to actually have nothing to do, she did all the laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking.
So I just changed my car oil and go clean it xD, then we went to The Library (bar).

[MissMisa]

Personally, I think whether they stay at home or not is irrelevant. What matters is if they are a good parent or not.

If I had to stay at home all day with a kid, I'd jump off a cliff. For me, having a baby now would be the easy way out. I'd have a house and all my bills paid. But my career comes first over everything, so I don't want children anyway.

Working mothers and fathers have positives, if they explain to their children the value of work, which would likely instill work ethic in their children. Stay at home mothers and fathers are able to to spend more time with their children and aid their development.

The view that women should stay at home is ridiculous, as it is gender irrelevant. The simple answer to that is not to marry a man who thinks you should. Equally, the point of feminism is that women have the choice to stay at home or not, and it annoys me when women are ridiculed for staying at home. And of course, it annoys me when stay at home Dad's are told that their role is to earn the money, when it's gender irrelevant and probably more income-relevant.

[Yuna7780]

I give you a round of applause, Miss Misa.