dazed and confused...

jron · (#1 (**permalink**))

Is this normal or did I just get unlucky.. Here's the story..

I met this J-girl (woman) online a little over a year ago.. She is seperated for 10 years now from her husband and has 2 kids and is 40. We got along great and it got pretty serious. I've been over to Japan 4 times in the last year and had her over here (USA) twice now. She wanted us to date no one else, and neither did I. We were boyfriend/girlfriend and wrote email every day and spoke on Skype almost every day as well.. This went on for over a year.. BUT.. Somehow the past 6 months she cooled.. I wasn't so worried but I had noticed a subtle difference.. Things were pretty great.

A couple of notes.. She has been from her husband for 10 years and claimed not to have been with any other man in that time.. I found that very strange but I wasn't going to argue with her. She also said she didn't like Japanese men and only wanted to be with a westerner. Again, neither of us was (supposedly) dating anyone else and she would get jealous if I talked of other women..

So she comes and visits this time.. I am sitting there as I watch her download images from her camera and her phone. No biggie.. SO the next morning she is out and I decide to look at the pictures.. Being assured in my min that there was nothing wrong as we shared everything that way..

Yup, you guessed it.. From the phone were some interesting pictures of her and some J dude in a hotel from the weekend before she came to visit me. There were pictures on the phone of that same dude dating back before I had met her. After that I check the mail, there is no password and what I find is email from ANOTHER dude, this time white, talking about hooking up at the hotel the night before visiting *me*.. Apparently her English teacher.. So, now including me.. She was with 3 different guys in 2 weekends.. wow.. busy girl!!!

So.. Is this normal? Can this kind of behavior be expected from most J girls or did I just pick a winner? I know that sexual mores are not thought of the same between America and Japan.. But this is kinda ridiculous.. The entire relationship was a pack of lies from beginning to end..

Do I try again? Or am I just walking a minefield by trying to find a Japanese woman to spend my life with..

bELyVIS · (#2 (**permalink**))

I found the younger ones not wanting to commit but she seems a little old for those games. Plus, having kids it would seem she would want more stability in her life.
I think you should dump her and look elsewhere. I found that a Japanese woman who wants to commit to you, and you to her of course, is the best thing that can happen (for me at least) to a guy.

spicytuna · (#3 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by jron

So.. Is this normal? Can this kind of behavior be expected from most J girls or did I just pick a winner? I know that sexual mores are not thought of the same between America and Japan.. But this is kinda ridiculous.. The entire relationship was a pack of lies from beginning to end..

Here we go again. Are Japanese girls turned off by muscle? Do Japanese girls like back hair? Do Japanese girls stop providing sex after childbirth? etc.

It's hard to comment on your particular situation but think of it for a second. Are you actually expecting us to confirm with you that it's common for Japanese women to be with multiple partners? That they're liars who are incapable of commitment?

If you really want to get to know Japanese women, do yourself a favor and get away from the computer... along with those online dating sites. Travel to Japan and spend some time with normal women. Or perhaps hook up with a professional omiyai agency.

jron · (#4 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by spicytuna

Here we go again. Are Japanese girls turned off by muscle? Do Japanese girls like back hair? Do Japanese girls stop providing sex after childbirth? etc.

It's hard to comment on your particular situation but think of it for a second. Are you actually expecting us to confirm with you that it's common for Japanese women to be with multiple partners? That they're liars who are incapable of commitment?

If you really want to get to know Japanese women, do yourself a favor and get away from the computer... along with those online dating sites. Travel to Japan and spend some time with normal women. Or perhaps hook up with a professional omiyai agency.

Sorry, I guess I'm just still in shock from the whole thing..

But yes, I got away from the computer. I spent almost 3 of the past 12 months in Japan to be with this woman over 4 separate trips.. Her son even came to stay with me and study English for the Japanese summer (1 month) and they just left on friday. So its all very, maybe too, fresh for me to be objective..

HaidosLilFanGurl · (#5 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by jron

Sorry, I guess I'm just still in shock from the whole thing..

But yes, I got away from the computer. I spent almost 3 of the past 12 months in Japan to be with this woman over 4 separate trips.. Her son even came to stay with me and study English for the Japanese summer (1 month) and they just left on friday. So its all very, maybe too, fresh for me to be objective..

I'm not trying to pry or anything but, did you mention anything to her about it???

jron · (#6 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by HaidosLilFanGurl

I'm not trying to pry or anything but, did you mention anything to her about it???

Ya, sure did.. And boy.. Did the story change as she went along.. Talk about random, free flowing truth.. And ya, now that I found out.. *she* broke up with *me*!!! It should been *me* breaking up with *her*!!! It was like, I know the truth now, so I'm no good to her any more..

MMM · (#7 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by jron

Sorry, I guess I'm just still in shock from the whole thing..

But yes, I got away from the computer. I spent almost 3 of the past 12 months in Japan to be with this woman over 4 separate trips.. Her son even came to stay with me and study English for the Japanese summer (1 month) and they just left on friday. So its all very, maybe too, fresh for me to be objective..

Any person who is superficial enough to date you because of your race is superficial enough to cat around.

spicytuna · (#8 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by jron

Sorry, I guess I'm just still in shock from the whole thing..

But yes, I got away from the computer. I spent almost 3 of the past 12 months in Japan to be with this woman over 4 separate trips.. Her son even came to stay with me and study English for the Japanese summer (1 month) and they just left on friday. So its all very, maybe too, fresh for me to be objective..

I'm not sure what you meant by "interesting pics" but assuming they were of a decent nature, perhaps you should confront her regarding those pictures. I mean, it's not unreasonable to assume that she has at least a few male friends.

I've dated many Canadians and tons of Japanese over the years and let me tell you. It doesn't matter where they're from! Don't waste your time trying to figure out a pattern or logical explanation for the things they do.

bELyVIS · (#9 (**permalink**))

I figured out I was a English teacher for free once, well not exactly free if you know what I mean. But it really pissed me off because I was looking for a girlfriend not a student. I got her back by dumping her right before her English proficiency test. She failed.
Most Japanese women aren't bad, but like us all won't commit until ready which seems to be later for Japanese women nowadays.

ozkai · (#10 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by jron

Is this normal or did I just get unlucky.. Here's the story..

I met this J-girl (woman) online a little over a year ago.. She is seperated for 10 years now from her husband and has 2 kids and is 40. We got along great and it got pretty serious. I've been over to Japan 4 times in the last year and had her over here (USA) twice now. She wanted us to date no one else, and neither did I. We were boyfriend/girlfriend and wrote email every day and spoke on Skype almost every day as well.. This went on for over a year.. BUT.. Somehow the past 6 months she cooled.. I wasn't so worried but I had noticed a subtle difference.. Things were pretty great.

A couple of notes.. She has been from her husband for 10 years and claimed not to have been with any other man in that time.. I found that very strange but I wasn't going to argue with her. She also said she didn't like Japanese men and only wanted to be with a westerner. Again, neither of us was (supposedly) dating anyone else and she would get jealous if I talked of other women..

So she comes and visits this time.. I am sitting there as I watch her download images from her camera and her phone. No biggie.. SO the next morning she is out and I decide to look at the pictures.. Being assured in my min that there was nothing wrong as we shared everything that way..

Yup, you guessed it.. From the phone were some interesting pictures of her and some J dude in a hotel from the weekend before she came to visit me. There were pictures on the phone of that same dude dating back before I had met her. After that I check the mail, there is no password and what I find is email from ANOTHER dude, this time white, talking about hooking up at the hotel the night before visiting *me*.. Apparently her English teacher.. So, now including me.. She was with 3 different guys in 2 weekends.. wow.. busy girl!!!

So.. Is this normal? Can this kind of behavior be expected from most J girls or did I just pick a winner? I know that sexual mores are not thought of the same between America and Japan.. But this is kinda ridiculous.. The entire relationship was a pack of lies from beginning to end..

Do I try again? Or am I just walking a minefield by trying to find a Japanese woman to spend my life with..

She may be an online personal notice board poster.

It sounds to me that she is promiscuous and has no doubt copulated a number of times with foreigners in Love Hotels within Japan.

She has obviously had the odd fling with a local native, but has learnt now to stick with a foreign man, although if she feels that the foreigner is simply trying to get her underwear off, she may give up and hunt for the "special" one of a kind native.

Either way, tread cautiously, remember AIDS is not a joke, and my advice would be to finish with her.