Getting a japanese girlfriend

[Brass]

Hi all

I don't know if this is appropriate in this forum but I have an issue that I need some advice on.

I just turned 28 and I am done with dating around (no that I have even done a lot of that) and ready to settle down in my life. Ever since I was a teen I have been into Japanese culture (by way of video games/language/etc), and learned Japanese in high school, but have not had the chance to ever date a Japanese woman. I have dated Korean, Vietnamese, White, and Black women, but never even tried to pursue a Japanese woman. The only Japanese woman I had the chance to pursue in college was VERY good looking so I didn't want to risk rejection. I just flirted with her all the time but never asked her out.

I have pretty much known all along that my destiny was to be with a Japanese woman, kind of an instinct, that is the type of woman and culture that I am compatible with. This is not a chase of a gaijin having Japanese fever or anything like that, I have been involved with Japanese people and their culture for a very long time and have had (male) Japanese friends from Japan in the past, although I currently do not.

So here is the real problem and why I am posting on this forum:

1. At this time of my life I have no Japanese friends or contacts to even have a chance of meeting a nice Japanese lady.
2. There is a very small community of Japanese people where I live, so my opportunities to work myself into a Japanese social circle are small.
3. I am black, so I know this is going to lower my chances even further.

So I need some suggestions on how I should pursue my quest. I appreciate your advice. Thanks.

[clintjm]

Originally Posted by Brass

...Japanese...

I don't know how you can narrow your selection down to a race you haven't dated; but can't say you have got the wrong idea ^^/. Different strokes for different folks.

Answers to #1 & #2: The internet is your friend then. You need to be able to travel though domestically to expand relationship with friends. The internet is your start. You can even start with those in Japan.

#3. Not so. It is becoming less of an issue in Japan and a non issue in the states (in general).

You will have to ask the girls you flirt with out. Women are unlikely to ask you. It doesn't have to be labeled a date.

Go study or visit Japan before you conclude your destiny to make sure it really is for you. The more Japanese and culture you know the better of course.

28? You've got PLENTY of time.

What part of the world do you live?

[Harumaki]

You are 28 and still do not understand that love hasnt anyhting to do with ethnicity?

[alanX]

Originally Posted by clintjm

Answers to #1 & #2: The internet is your friend then. You need to be able to travel though domestically to expand relationship with friends. The internet is your start. You can even start with those in Japan.

Yes. For the record, I met my girlfriend (who is a Japanese native) online, and have met many times in person. Going to visit her next February, actually. I hope that encourages you.

As for being a black man, I know Japanese women who would not date blacks, but I also know a Japanese woman who dates nothing but blacks.
Her current boyfriend is a black club owner in Shibuya, if I'm not mistaken.
So it all depends. It doesn't necessarily narrow your chances, just means you need to know where to look.

Anyhow, Welcome to JF.

Originally Posted by Harumaki

You are 28 and still do not understand that love hasnt anyhting to do with ethnicity?

You're wrong. It does have something to do with it.

It's what someone is attracted to. If you're attracted to white females, are you going to fall in love with a Jewish man? No.

It's got everything to do with it, and I still have no clue why you mention his age. That's even more irrelevant.

[Brass]

Originally Posted by clintjm

I don't know how you can narrow your selection down to a race you haven't dated; but can't say you have got the wrong idea ^^/. Different strokes for different folks.

It's not a race thing. I think you have the wrong idea and maybe I didn't explain properly in my first post. As I stated I have dated many races so obviously I'm not stuck on a single race nor am I racist. My dating history has all the colors in the rainbow. My issue is that from my teen years I have most comfortably identified with the Japanese culture and think that I would like to settle down with a Japanese woman and into a Japanese family environment. Yes I still love my American roots but I also have a great affinity for the Japanese culture and lifestyle.

Originally Posted by clintjm

Answers to #1 & #2: The internet is your friend then. You need to be able to travel though domestically to expand relationship with friends. The internet is your start. You can even start with those in Japan.

Good point. I honestly have tried Internet dating but confined myself to my local area. Depending on the dating site, very few or even no Japanese women were on there. Internet is a no-go unless I or she is willing to travel. On that note I did have a internet penpal from japan about 5 years ago but my Japanese language skills are not on that level anymore. I already am re-learning proficient Japanese as we speak, it will probably take 6 months or so to get back to a acceptable speaking level.

Originally Posted by clintjm

#3. Not so. It is becoming less of an issue in Japan and a non issue in the states (in general).

Ok, I wasn't sure if this was an big issue because I know Japanese women/families might have issues blacks or americans in general as far as dating is concerned. Yes I live in the states, in California.

Originally Posted by clintjm

You will have to ask the girls you flirt with out. Women are unlikely to ask you. It doesn't have to be labeled a date.

Of course, the problem as I stated in my first post was that as of right now I have no one to flirt with really. I'm not in any social circles.

Originally Posted by clintjm

Go study or visit Japan before you conclude your destiny to make sure it really is for you. The more Japanese and culture you know the better of course.

28? You've got PLENTY of time.

Visit Japan, yes I plan to. Study or spend considerable time in Japan? I wish, but to do that I would have to quit my job and I am not in a position to do that.

I understand at 28 I still have time, but I'm not sure about "plenty" of time.

[jesselt]

Today I think I'll get me a Japanese girl.

Because people are like skittles and you have to try each color, you know.

[clintjm]

Originally Posted by Brass

It's not a race thing. I think you have the wrong idea and maybe I didn't explain properly in my first post. As I stated I have dated many races so obviously I'm not stuck on a single race nor am I racist. My dating history has all the colors in the rainbow. My issue is that from my teen years I have most comfortably identified with the Japanese culture and think that I would like to settle down with a Japanese woman and into a Japanese family environment. Yes I still love my American roots but I also have a great affinity for the Japanese culture and lifestyle.

Well if you state you think you are "destined" to be with Japanese, I would say you are stuck on a race a little. But I'm not saying its not cool to be either. You are not a racists for being attracted to the people of a "particular" culture or race. I was just pointing out you may be jumping the gun that you are destined to marry Japanese with little experience in relationships with Japanese. But you will only know its right for you from experience.

Originally Posted by Brass

Good point. I honestly have tried Internet dating but confined myself to my local area. Depending on the dating site, very few or even no Japanese women were on there. Internet is a no-go unless I or she is willing to travel. On that note I did have a internet penpal from japan about 5 years ago but my Japanese language skills are not on that level anymore. I already am re-learning proficient Japanese as we speak, it will probably take 6 months or so to get back to a acceptable speaking level.

I *know* there are specific website dedicated to dating Japanese. A friend of mine mentioned Tokyo Essentials.

Friends of Tokyo Essentials

plenty more out there surely.

Originally Posted by Brass

Ok, I wasn't sure if this was an big issue because I know Japanese women/families might have issues blacks or americans in general as far as dating is concerned. Yes I live in the states, in California.

So you can mark that off your worry list.

Originally Posted by Brass

Of course, the problem as I stated in my first post was that as of right now I have no one to flirt with really. I'm not in any social circles.

Well I was just mentioning your college experience in your first post. Flirted and didn't ask out. I didn't mean to offend if that came out wrong.

Originally Posted by Brass

Visit Japan, yes I plan to. Study or spend considerable time in Japan? I wish, but to do that I would have to quit my job and I am not in a position to do that.

Even a week or two since you live on the west cost is cool and fun.

Well I know California is big, but building relationships on the Internet and meeting someone from there say in San Fran every so often counts (with San Fran having a pretty big population of Japanese)...


I hear you on the job front. You feel trapped by it - but you got to live your life to, so maximize your days off even it requires some train or car travel.

Originally Posted by Brass

I understand at 28 I still have time, but I'm not sure about "plenty" of time.

Nah you have plenty. Good luck.

[iPhantom]

Originally Posted by Brass

I have pretty much known all along that my destiny was to be with a Japanese woman

I stopped there. That's a load of BS. Such a narrow minded thinking will leave you in the dust. Your perfect match might happen to be a white girl.

@alanx: Don't confuse love with sexual attraction. You can love a black girl even if you are more sexually attracted to white girls.

[alanX]

Originally Posted by iPhantom

I stopped there. That's a load of BS. Such a narrow minded thinking will leave you in the dust. Your perfect match might happen to be a white girl.

@alanx: Don't confuse love with sexual attraction. You can love a black girl even if you are more sexually attracted to white girls.

Sexual attraction plays an important part in long term relationships. Not even going to post you a link to a source, because there's too many on the internet to choose from.

If you're attracted to a Japanese woman, and start a relationship (Just a friendly one at first) with a Japanese woman based off of the attraction, who do you have more of a chance to fall in love with, a Japanese woman or a Jewish man? It's not really debatable...

But I honestly do understand the point you're making, and I understand where you're coming from. I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you, but more of simply adding to the truth.
Sexual attraction is intertwined with love, like it or not. It's the way it is.

Yes, you CAN love a black girl, even if you are more sexually attracted to whites, but it's not probable, and it probably wouldn't last very long.

And I quote from number 4 of a top 10 list of why marriages fail:

"4. Sex Problems
Sex is an important part of marriage and the source of many marriage problems. Every marriage requires the act of consummation by sexual intercourse. Failure to consummate a marriage or problems with sexual frequency, quality, and infidelity are all common reasons for marriage failure and divorce."

Top 10 Reasons Marriages Fail | Divorce.com

Frankly, If you're banging a black chick, and want to be banging a Japanese chick, you're probably not too into the black chick sexually. Thus, if you're not too into the black chick sexually, (no pun intended) then it could probably lead to not being into her at all.

All in all, if you're attracted to Japanese women, and that's really all you go for, then you don't really have a chance to fall in love with any other type of women in the first place.

Sorry for unnecessary elaboration, I just like this subject.

[JayT]

What is up with this, if it's your 'destiny' then let it happen.