This exchange student girl...

[Gn4m]

Hey, I'm a Swedish guy in a smaller city, almost 18 years old, who've fallen for a Japanese girl. This girl happens to be an exchange student at our high school, and she will be staying here for almost a year.

The first time I saw her was when I had my first Japanese class in school, she came a little late and introduced herself in for me surprisingly good English. Since I have always had a taste for Japanese girls, it didn't take me long time to decide whether I'd hit it or not.

I haven't had a gf yet, so when I decide to speak to a girl I like, I always tend to be really shy and can't really come up with any good talking subject that would break the formal tension.

I added her on facebook, and had a really good long chat one evening. As she had pretty much just arrived here by then, she wasn't really sure who I were, but as she found my profile, she asked me to say hello in the next Japanese class. And so I did, which also led up to our first real life conversation.

I only have Japanese once a week, for almost three hours though, so that day is naturally my favorite day of the week nowadays.

What my problem really is though, is that I haven't had the guts nor the idea of a good talking subject since that first talk, about two weeks ago. I haven't spoken to her outside the internet since then. And to make it even worse, when I chatted with her some days ago, she told me that the reason for why she's almost never on facebook, is because her exchange organization advices students not to use social networks because they could become homesick and to not make their families miss their children so much.

So I'm stuck in a situation where I don't dare to talk to her, and can't chat to her online either! :S I'm getting kinda stressed as well, because I want to get closer to her before she goes home to Japan! :S

Do you have any advice for me, like what to talk about, what Japanese girls could be interested of, and simply how to make contact in a natural way?

I'd really appreciate it, thanks!

[utsu]

Originally Posted by Gn4m

I'm getting kinda stressed as well, because IF we'd become a couple, I'd ofc want to spend as much time with her as possible before she goes home to Japan!

I don't see any reason to stress if you become a couple, because from what you described chances are you WON'T become a couple.

Unless, instead of pouring your heart out to total strangers on an internet forum, next time after class you ask her if she wants to have fika with you. If she says yes, go to some nice konditori and start talking.

She's an exchange student, for crying out loud. How hard is it to ask her if she likes Sweden, if she ever tried surströmming, what she misses from home, what are her plans for when she returns to Japan, blah blah blah...

If you don't ask her out, somebody else will. You're not the only teenage Swede with a Japanese fetish. Actually, chances are, if what you're describing is true, then you might be already too late. A guy with more initiative (and less socially awkward) might have asked her out last week, for all you know.

[xYinniex]

wow. your brain is moving too fast on this thing, how likely is it that you're going to become a couple? How do you even know whether she'll say yes?

You don't like her, you like the idea of her. Unless you man up and actually get to know her, you're going no where with this relationship.

So my only advice: man up, or give it up.

[JamboP26]

I'd say go for it, but tread cafefully. I've heard too many stories of friends trying to push things a bit further, and in the end, it doesn't work out, but the friendship is destroyed too. You may have to be a wee bit patient and wait for an opportunity to come along. I'm a wee bit jealous actually. Not only a nice Japanese girl whom you know in person, but Japanese class aswell. Well, thats just amazing.

[Gn4m]

Thanks for all response

To quote myself, I'm totally inexperienced with relationships, so calling me "socially awkward" is not really helping nor boosting my confidence... :/

I think I got a bit carried away when I made this thread, but what I was asking for was basically tips for talking subjects and how to approach her.

I have absolutely no idea of what the common Japanese girl like, I'm afraid of boring her with the regular talk about cultural differences...

And I dont see how I provoked with the couple-thing I wrote, perhaps I expresser myself weird. If she's only staying here for a year, ofc I want to take the opportunity as soon as possible. I just need to get a little confident.

[Gn4m]

Whops, double post

[dogsbody70]

I tis not easy talking to someone that one is keen on. Nerves get in the way don't they?

I think talking too much can put a girl off- so maybe ask her a few questions ask her if she is enjoying the course and how she is doing?

does she like the college etc. and the language?


Would she like to go out somewhere with you?

a restaurant etc.

I'm female myself-- rather old in the tooth so probably old fashioned.


I would love to visit sweden one day. I Once had a swedish girl stay with us for a while. He rmother bred cairn terriers and bought two from me.I would take things very carefully if I were you-- You like her> but you don't know if she likes you do you. good Luck.

[chiuchimu]

Just be friends first and find out if she is the right one for you. Her plan was to go back in a year right? Why start something that will only last less than a year. Besides, at 18 years old, a relationship will no doubt turn to the sexual, and that could lead to a pregnancy. I don't think her parents consented to her studying a year over seas for her to comeback pregnant.

You're only 18 and never had a girlfriend yet, that is super inexperienced. Yet, you want to start an interracial relationship on your first crush. I highly advise against it until you give it some time.

Keep her as a friend. I suggest you homestay in Japan for a year. Meet more Japanese people, both guys and girls. Find out about the culture. After a year or two, if you still like her, go to Japan to meet her.

[WingsToDiscovery]

I unfortunately believe you enjoy the idea of having a Japanese girlfriend more so than a girlfriend who is Japanese. This is purely based on speculation from the details you've provided.

You're young, you're interested in Japan, and this girl is a potential outlet for your love of Japanese stuff. You don't know the girl and you've barely talked to her, yet you say you've "fallen" for her. You need to step back and ask yourself the question of if you like her for who she is rather than what she is. That is my advice.

[tsunami16r]

haha, I personally think this is a cute thread ;D

well it's like seeing my boyfriend and I when we first started to hang out together :P (btw I'm a japanese girl and my bf is a swede - extremely shy one, too ^^)

so I don't think you should be too bothered what to talk about with her and hey, since she's new to sweden and your town, you could just show her around and have fika? that way you can hang around with her and no need to "ask her out" which would take a whole lot of guts? :P I'd think it'll be a good excuse. or ask her if she wants to exchange languages with you? you could teach swedish to her, and her, japanese to you :3 benefits for both two, right? (and of course especially for you!)

I just think you shouldn't be too worried or frustrated on these kind of matters - just take it easy and let things happen! that's what I did with my bf and now we're together, soon 1 year anniversary xD

anyways, I hope you'll get more chances to meet her and talk to her! lycka till ;>