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12-12-2010, 05:19 AM

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Originally Posted by RealJames View Post
I'll add that I'm speaking from observation on this. Men or women with a foreign spouse feel, act and are treated differently, in a special way.
Unless they don`t - in which case you wouldn`t know about it.

In my experience, the behavior / feelings of the actual individual with the foreign spouse is sort of split. But the ones who do feel special tend to be a lot more visible and vocal than those who don`t - as they think it is a big deal and behave in such a way. Those who don`t tend to be invisible unless there is a good reason for this information to be out there.

You`re seeing the ones who "feel and act" differently. The ones who don`t have no reason to advertise the fact that their spouse is foreign, so you don`t see them. In fact, they often have reason to downplay or specifically avoid divulging that information because of the treatment given to them by peers.

The peer reaction doesn`t tend to change at all no matter what the individual thinks, as it is the "normal" peer reaction.


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12-12-2010, 06:32 AM

I am talking about couples in which I know both people, though.
And about the reactions of other Japanese people who I inform about the intercultural couple.

The average Japanese person thinks "oh he's so international/cool" about someone in a relationship with a non-asian foreigner.
Regardless of what the Japanese person in the relationship might think, they undoubtedly know that they are perceived that way.

either way, my bottom line is I think a black girl coming to Japan will have no hard time getting hitched and having a life just as good as any Japanese girl could.
would you say so too?


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12-12-2010, 07:22 AM

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In your second question you said, "Would an African American woman fit the description?" In your answer, you generalized it to ALL WESTERN women. Forgive me, but not all Western women are African American women. So you didn't answer your own question. But really, it doesn't matter.
I think in my thinking, in this question, it doesn't matter if a woman is black or white, the answer was going to be the same, so I expanded my answer instead of just making it about African-American women.

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I think Nyororin has a good point. Even in America, interracial couples are looked at differently, even admired in some cases.
In a society that is a homogeneous as Japan, I don't know if "admiration" for this is used like it is in the US. With 99% of the population being Japanese, the expectation is that a son or daughter will marry another Japanese. This is essentially true in every other country in the world in that no parent expects their son or daughter to marry a foreigner, but Japan is also an island country of essentially one race.

Nyororin would be better at addressing this than me, as she is an non-native Japanese living with a Japanese husband and family in Japan.

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As for my age group, I have two friends who are getting married and they are in their mid 20s so that's not true.
My point is people in their mid-20s are not marrying "trophy wives" as I defined it above. If they are, then get out of where you are and get to Japan ASAP.

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Besides, I don't think I said I want to move there and get married the next day.... I was merely asking about the possibility of it because I am going to be moving there for a long time (possibly for good but I'm not sure yet). But please give me some credit, I do believe in dating for a few years first. haha.
If you are there for a long period, then I am sure you will find a terrific mate if you are social and outgoing.
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12-12-2010, 07:26 AM

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Originally Posted by RealJames View Post
The average Japanese person thinks "oh he's so international/cool" about someone in a relationship with a non-asian foreigner.
Regardless of what the Japanese person in the relationship might think, they undoubtedly know that they are perceived that way.

either way, my bottom line is I think a black girl coming to Japan will have no hard time getting hitched and having a life just as good as any Japanese girl could.
would you say so too?
Not all Japanese think dating/marrying non-Japanese is "international/cool". It is a choice that can lead to lost relationships in some circles.

If you think an African-American woman will have "no problem" finding a mate in the same way a Japanese woman would in Japan, I would like a map to where you live. It sounds pretty sweet.
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12-12-2010, 09:12 AM

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Not all Japanese think dating/marrying non-Japanese is "international/cool". It is a choice that can lead to lost relationships in some circles.

If you think an African-American woman will have "no problem" finding a mate in the same way a Japanese woman would in Japan, I would like a map to where you live. It sounds pretty sweet.
Like you said, not all Japanese think that way, that's for sure.
But there are enough (most, imo) who do think that way that I don't think it would be a problem, know what I mean?

The way people talk about Japanese people on these forums these days it makes me feel like I'm just really lucky with who I meet, and I'm not just looking at the superficial behaviors either, these are my friends and their friends etc.


マンツーマン 英会話 神戸 三宮 リアライズ -James- This is my life and why I know things about Japan.
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12-12-2010, 09:54 AM

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Originally Posted by RealJames View Post
Like you said, not all Japanese think that way, that's for sure.
But there are enough (most, imo) who do think that way that I don't think it would be a problem, know what I mean?

The way people talk about Japanese people on these forums these days it makes me feel like I'm just really lucky with who I meet, and I'm not just looking at the superficial behaviors either, these are my friends and their friends etc.
You are in my old stomping grounds, and I spent many a day and night in Kobe, especially Sannomiya. It is one of my most favorite places in Japan.

Do most Japanese think that international marriage is acceptable ? I cannot answer that question...I will leave it to those that that are more educated.
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12-12-2010, 12:20 PM

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You are in my old stomping grounds, and I spent many a day and night in Kobe, especially Sannomiya. It is one of my most favorite places in Japan.

Do most Japanese think that international marriage is acceptable ? I cannot answer that question...I will leave it to those that that are more educated.
I'm not married, just have a j-gf, but her parents said it was cool when we first started dating, which was pretty stressful lol. They aren't old fashioned though...
Her grandparents thought it was super cool she was dating a gaijin. They keep asking to have pictures taken with me so they can show them to their friends -_- that and they keep saying I'm Australian instead of Canadian -_-

I just asked my gf what she thinks most Japanese think of it, she said:
"yeah, of course, why not?"
Then I asked, "does anyone not like international marriages?", she said:
"maybe a few old people, some grandparents might not be happy about it because of communication problems splitting the family..."


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12-12-2010, 07:20 PM

Hey! Like I said, before. The times are definitely changing and the new generation doesn't think like the older generation it all.

MMM When were you in Kobe, just curious? Mie, in 2010, things seemed to be looking up a lot. I'm not saying that everyone in Japan is going to jump on the interracial band wagon. But we can't even expect that in the states. It's about the individual and there are many individuals there with very open-minded families.

The Japanese, is every nation, just can't be generalized like that.


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12-12-2010, 08:05 PM

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Originally Posted by inuzuki8605 View Post
Hey! Like I said, before. The times are definitely changing and the new generation doesn't think like the older generation it all.

MMM When were you in Kobe, just curious? Mie, in 2010, things seemed to be looking up a lot. I'm not saying that everyone in Japan is going to jump on the interracial band wagon. But we can't even expect that in the states. It's about the individual and there are many individuals there with very open-minded families.

The Japanese, is every nation, just can't be generalized like that.
I lived between Kobe and Osaka from 1994-1997, but I have visited just about every year since then. Kobe is a more international city than some other areas in Japan.

Why do you ask?
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12-12-2010, 11:42 PM

I apologize for the double-post and I have been thinking about this today. From what is being said here, the essentially homogeneous country of Japan is being incredibly progressive in its thinking about interracial marriage. This would be MUCH more progressive than many opinions in the multi-racial United States where feelings of not dating outside of one's race are very common. This is especially true outside of the coasts, where you see more "red states" (conservative thinking states).

The numbers of interracial marriages is on the rise in the US, but according to the last census polls (2000) only 5% of marriages in the US were between couples of different races.

From what I can find, the numbers are almost exactly the same in Japan... about 5%. And 80% of those are Japanese men marrying foreign women (mostly from other parts of Asia).

When I lived in Japan I heard about many women who were told specifically by their parents to avoid dating foreigners. I also knew some women who wouldn't dream of dating a non-Japanese. It's not because of racism, it just never came up as they didn't have interaction with non-Japanese. It would be like if aliens landed and there were human-alien relationships all of a sudden. I know that comparison sounds weird, but just as it is easy to go to places foreigners hang out, it is also just as easy to have a lifestyle where you never interact with foreigners.

RealJames, something about your gf's grandparents sits funny with me. Saying it's "cool" she is dating a foreigner and wanting to constantly take pictures with you seems like back-handed progressivism to me.

If I were dating an African-American woman and my grandparents talked about how "cool" that was and had her pose for pictures with them, I would be VERY embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I had quite a few friends when I lived in Japan, and am still friends with a handful of them. The reason we became fairly good friends is because they didn't care that I was a foreigner. They liked me for me, not for my race or country of origin.

I, as I am sure you have, met plenty of people that wanted to be friends with me for no other reason than I am American. As I weeded out the riff-raff I was dragged to plenty of bars and introduced to plenty of people I had nothing in common with and little to talk about with. I was the "trophy friend" and it was not that fun or interesting.
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