BRANCH: Careers and childraising

[dogsbody70]

You are so right PROTHEUS. COMPROMISE. we all have to do it most of the time don't we?

[Suki]

Originally Posted by protheus

once you get a family, its about what you all want, what you all need

Totally, yeah.

I wouldn't want my husband to give up his career, I wouldn't want him to want me to give up mine, and if he's a decent man, he wouldn't want me to do that either.

So what we all would need is to do what we all think is best. And "best", in my opinion, is not one parent having to stop working. Not the father, nor the mother. Because having one parent around 24/7 is not the best way to raise a child. Giving up your career doesn't automatically make you a good parent. Fighting for what you want and giving your child the best you can get for him does.

Originally Posted by protheus

That's the theoretical perfect situation, however life isn't perfect and, most of the times, it comes to a choice for a detour for one of the parents. A "sacrifice" is a lot said, because you can get back on your path once it reaches day care time / school age and until that part time is a possibility.

It doesn't have to be that way. And if it came down to that, the parent having to make the sacrifice could be the father as well as the mother.

[Kayci]

Well...I kind of agree with Suki's first post.
Ambitions like that are sad.

With saying that;
I'm a mommy type
I have eight nieces and nephews, and I had a hand in raising half of them, at the least.
I adore children. With a passion. I'm the creepy bugger you meet that if you have a kid with you, I'd likely try to smile or slightly interact with the child. (Then apologize to the parent for seeming rude/creepy if I did.)


There is no other way to describe it. I'm destined to be a mom, I just know it

However. I also want to work. (I'm trying to get into Middleburry now and then hopeful transfer to Monterey, if anyone knows how they're connected.)
I am an incredibly social person, and love to work with people and go out to parties of any kind and such

My boyfriend and I are talking very heavily of a future together, and of our goals. He comes from South Korea, and before his parents and his family came here nine years ago, his mother was a housewife...she had a part time job. But it was expected of her to give up her very good job at the bank the moment she became pregnant with him, and so she did. His dad had a good enough job to support them, a family of four eventually

When they came here, things change. They both have to work and are struggling with the business they own and putting their sons through university.
Its made an impression on my boyfriend and his younger brother....

Anyways, we talked, and he was very adamant about him being the main breadwinner. (He won't even officially ask me to marry him until he can afford the best ring for me he can find...despite me telling him I don't wish for one. Its his pride.)


He told me he would wish for me to be a housewife, but since he knows how I am, he will still do his best to make it an option for me, not force me into it. He wants to take care of me. To spend money on me. (It offends him if I offer to pay for dinner if its over 20 bucks...lol)
He doesn't want me to lift a finger for money. He wants me to be comfortable.

I appreciate the sentiment, but I need to work.
I hate not working now....

Most people say I should use it to my advantage, but I don't want to.
I don't want to be that kind of woman.
I want to marry for love.
Not for money
I don't want to be the little doll in a glass case you have to watch over.

I want to go out in the world and experience life.

I was raised between divorced parents. Both had custody, so one week was mother's, the next was fathers.

Both worked. (Rather, one worked a good job, and the other worked on cleaning houses, gambled, and played with a new boyfriend all the time)

I was put through daycare or babysitters since the divorce. I had some bad experiences, (Almost drowned by one babysitter's brother- he tried to keep my head underwater)
And some good ones- (I met my best and oldest friend in afterschool daycare)

My mother sacrificied some things for me
But more went to her.
My dad was kind of a workaholic when I was younger
After I turned 13 we spent more time together- and I'm living with him until I get into that school

I had older half siblings, but they were all...scattered. (One in jail until I was 15, two on their own with children by the time I was 8, and the other lived with his mom.)

I was pretty lonely. I remember asking my mom to play with me on the dollhouse I had quite a few times, but she always shrugged me off. Dad I rarely tried playing with. He intimidated me.

Hm. I dunno. Sorry for the rambling, but...I think its possible to have a career and still be there for your kids. (I can't tell you how many awards ceremony, concerts, etc they missed.)

[Suki]

Originally Posted by Kayci

He doesn't want me to lift a finger for money. He wants me to be comfortable.

I appreciate the sentiment, but I need to work.
I hate not working now....

That's the thing! Working is not only about money. There's more to a job than a paycheck. Working means you get to do something you're good at and get some credit for it. A woman who is pushed to be a housewife is throwing away her potential, and that is sad.

[RobinMask]

Originally Posted by Suki

That's the thing! Working is not only about money. There's more to a job than a paycheck. Working means you get to do something you're good at and get some credit for it. A woman who is pushed to be a housewife is throwing away her potential, and that is sad.

I fully agree with you. I think it's great if a woman works hard or gets an education etc., and then decides that she would like to be a housewife and chooses to do so, but when they're pushed into it or think that they 'have' to or have no other choice . . . it's a waste. I've seen people drop out of education to be housewives and mothers, and it's like 'that's one less nurse in the world' or 'that's one less artist'. All that potential is wasted. . .

It might sound like over-exaggerating, but I think society loses out each time a woman drops out of education/work, because it means one less job is being filled. Besides that, if everyone took the attitude that they can't both work and have a child, then every mother who had a child would be at home and no longer working, and we'd be back to the days before women's rights, when all women had was the option of marraige or governess. It's a huge step back from the suffragettes and suffragists who fought so hard so women could have the choice to work. It's a shame really. . .

[Kayci]

Originally Posted by RobinMask

I fully agree with you. I think it's great if a woman works hard or gets an education etc., and then decides that she would like to be a housewife and chooses to do so, but when they're pushed into it or think that they 'have' to or have no other choice . . . it's a waste. I've seen people drop out of education to be housewives and mothers, and it's like 'that's one less nurse in the world' or 'that's one less artist'. All that potential is wasted. . .

It might sound like over-exaggerating, but I think society loses out each time a woman drops out of education/work, because it means one less job is being filled. Besides that, if everyone took the attitude that they can't both work and have a child, then every mother who had a child would be at home and no longer working, and we'd be back to the days before women's rights, when all women had was the option of marraige or governess. It's a huge step back from the suffragettes and suffragists who fought so hard so women could have the choice to work. It's a shame really. . .

My thought exactly

I also made it very clear to my boyfriend he will have a hand in raising as well
I won't sacrifice all of my time while he gets to stay away
Nuh uh

Working is important to me because I feel accomplished.
Odd, but oh well
And just because I will work does NOT mean I won't love my children or not care for them or be a horrid mother
It means I am a role model
I won't raise lazy spoiled children. Maybe well taken care of but I expect ambition and hard work with a sense of humor.

[protheus]

Originally Posted by RobinMask

I've seen people drop out of education to be housewives and mothers, and it's like 'that's one less nurse in the world' or 'that's one less artist'. All that potential is wasted. . .

So, for a man to drop out to take care of a child wouldn't be the same, one less job fulfilled?
There aren't "victims" around, everybody is in the same boat and everybody contributes. It doesn't matter for the child if the mom or dad takes care of him/her, it counts if a parent/parents is there/are around. The choice of which and what is all upon the parents.

Regardless of what anybody can say, a parents love is irreplaceable and thats something that can't be bought with any sum. But isn't with a time limit, so you can "transmit" that love any time, even 5 minutes with your kid makes a difference, there isn't a time schedule for things like these.

PS: I had cousins, nephews, a few months of child care at the local kindergarten as a substitute teacher for classes aged 3-4, 5-6, I have some experience with kids
And about the nurse part of the quote , thats what I will become in a few years, just like my sisters . (obviously, a male nurse)

[RobinMask]

Originally Posted by protheus

So, for a man to drop out to take care of a child wouldn't be the same, one less job fulfilled?

My comment applies to men as well.

I simply refered to women specifically because the majority of parents who drop out of education or a job are women. . . I'm not saying all, but certainly most. There are probably hundreds of reasons, it could be that the time forced off for the birth means the woman falls behind in her studies (men don't have labour, they don't have to take time off to birth or to heal), and men also don't have the expectation from society of staying home to watch the child in the same way a mother does, so there is no outside pressures. I'm not saying that all women are like this, or that there are no men who quit work or education to take care of the children, but just that the majority tend to be women - for whatever reason. So yes, it'd be a shame if a man stayed at home too and had to drop out, but it's a very rare thing. . .

[dogsbody70]

thank you MM for pointing to this discussion

we do tend to oveerflow sometimes but some subjects bring up a host of reactions which is very natural.