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SarahChan (Offline)
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Totally Confused - 07-28-2011, 07:03 PM

K, maybe this forum is full of white people instead of Japanese guys who can give me a more accurate answer, but I figure I'll ask anyway and see what happens.

Here goes, I just started dating a Japanese guy from Nagoya. My best friend Mitsuko was born and raised in Japan and says that Japanese men are conservative when it comes to affection. They don't kiss on the first date, they don't like PDA, and they are just generally not pushy when it comes to affection. However, this guy initiated the first kiss. Made out with me on the first date. And wanted to take things further until I told him I wouldn't go further without more of a commitment (i.e. we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend). So now we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend.

There's one thing weighing in the back of my mind though. Mitsuko also told me that most Asian men tend to see white girls as being "easy" and just want to use them for sex. With this guy pushing to go farther and farther I worry if he's just using me or if he genuinely likes me? Is it normal for a Japanese guy to be so affectionate and liberal? He told his mom and dad back in Nagoya about me already. They're both supportive but told him to take things slow and not rush in. However he seems to want to rush in.

I'm totally confused.
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godwine (Offline)
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07-28-2011, 07:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahChan View Post
K, maybe this forum is full of white people instead of Japanese guys who can give me a more accurate answer, but I figure I'll ask anyway and see what happens.

Here goes, I just started dating a Japanese guy from Nagoya. My best friend Mitsuko was born and raised in Japan and says that Japanese men are conservative when it comes to affection. They don't kiss on the first date, they don't like PDA, and they are just generally not pushy when it comes to affection. However, this guy initiated the first kiss. Made out with me on the first date. And wanted to take things further until I told him I wouldn't go further without more of a commitment (i.e. we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend). So now we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend.

There's one thing weighing in the back of my mind though. Mitsuko also told me that most Asian men tend to see white girls as being "easy" and just want to use them for sex. With this guy pushing to go farther and farther I worry if he's just using me or if he genuinely likes me? Is it normal for a Japanese guy to be so affectionate and liberal? He told his mom and dad back in Nagoya about me already. They're both supportive but told him to take things slow and not rush in. However he seems to want to rush in.

I'm totally confused.
I don't think you can generalize the entire population base on what your friend told you. How old is he? The younger generation are mostly NOT conservative, especially ones coming from a well developed city like Nagoya. My experience with the youner generation is that they are sexually active as early as around "late middle school" - "early high school". And it is very typical for both teenage boys and girls to see sex as a regular activities between lovers

I won't take racial background into consideration at all in this case, I mean if you really want to, judging from your name you are Chinese, racial discrimination against Chinese still exist in Japan, then you might as well consider it as him taking advantage of you being Chinese, but I am 80% postitive thats not the case...
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SarahChan (Offline)
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07-28-2011, 07:31 PM

No, the Chan part is for chan meaning friend in Japanese. I'm all American Caucasian.
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07-29-2011, 01:22 AM

Unless he is over 40... I wouldn`t be that concerned about it. The places where Japanese men tend to be conservative about things are;

The first approach - You were on your first date, so that`s not going to be the case for this.
Expression of affection in public - Was he doing this while walking around on the street?

But, another really huge thing you need to remember. You`re clearly NOT in Japan, and he is an individual. If you doubt him so much, don`t become involved. As for what your friend said - do you really think that even if he had believed that, after leaving Japan he would have noticed that it wasn`t quite the case?

Sex is a pretty normal thing, and there is no real "save it for marriage" culture in Japan. If you are really concerned, ask him. Let him know your worries. Tell him why you`re scared of going further with him. If he cares, he`ll want to prove that he isn`t after you just for sex.


Make the move!
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07-29-2011, 02:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahChan View Post
I'm totally confused.
I understand and there is no need to be confused, we will help you out.

Can you post a photo of yourself first so we can really facilitate some good conversation here to start to analyze the in's and out's of the current situation and come up with an answer that will be both satisfying but also correct.

Thank you so much and don't give up hope. We'll get through this.
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07-29-2011, 03:06 AM

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Originally Posted by OHayou View Post
I understand and there is no need to be confused, we will help you out.

Can you post a photo of yourself first so we can really facilitate some good conversation here to start to analyze the in's and out's of the current situation and come up with an answer that will be both satisfying but also correct.

Thank you so much and don't give up hope. We'll get through this.
Creepiness factor just went to 11.
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07-29-2011, 03:33 AM

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Creepiness factor just went to 11.
loll...Hey it might shed some light on the poor girl's situation.

In a previous post she said she was shallow and her previous relationships were built upon superficial and lustful foundations. Maybe if we see her we can advise her you know...hey that lip stick is too dark it's attracting guys who want "only one thing" or that tube top and them daisy dukes' just aint saying "I'm looking for a quality relationship that will blossom into marriage."

Let's stick together people .. we're a team and upload that full body photo asap so we can solve this riddle!
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SarahChan (Offline)
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07-29-2011, 12:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nyororin View Post
Unless he is over 40... I wouldn`t be that concerned about it. The places where Japanese men tend to be conservative about things are;

The first approach - You were on your first date, so that`s not going to be the case for this.
Expression of affection in public - Was he doing this while walking around on the street?

But, another really huge thing you need to remember. You`re clearly NOT in Japan, and he is an individual. If you doubt him so much, don`t become involved. As for what your friend said - do you really think that even if he had believed that, after leaving Japan he would have noticed that it wasn`t quite the case?

Sex is a pretty normal thing, and there is no real "save it for marriage" culture in Japan. If you are really concerned, ask him. Let him know your worries. Tell him why you`re scared of going further with him. If he cares, he`ll want to prove that he isn`t after you just for sex.
Thanks for this insight. I don't have that much doubt. The relationship is still very new and I'm still getting a feel for his personality, so to speak. I think he's a good guy though so I'm gonna try talking to him about my concerns and see what happens. I have a hard time talking through my feelings and worries though so that's why I didn't just do that in the first place. Thanks for the encouragement.
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07-29-2011, 04:58 PM

Use your common sense-- don't just give in unless that is what YOU really want.
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07-29-2011, 05:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OHayou View Post
I understand and there is no need to be confused, we will help you out.

Can you post a photo of yourself first so we can really facilitate some good conversation here to start to analyze the in's and out's of the current situation and come up with an answer that will be both satisfying but also correct.

Thank you so much and don't give up hope. We'll get through this.

i lol'ed , this is too good.

To the OP

So now we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend.

How much was the revenue stamp for the certificate?

Sorry, i could not resist.

And in all seriousness, you are a girl so use your instinct. If you feel safe and comfortable with the guy, ride him away. If not, change the guy. Honestly...
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