yes!! thats true...thats pretty much how it is but one cant over rule the other or things get out of synch also.

It varies from couple to couple, but sex isn't necessary for a relationship to thrive. From your post, you suggested that online dating can never work because they can't have physical sex. (EDIT: Your exact words: "Relationships without sex are pointless.") Now, I'm not one for online dating - but take it into the sphere of real life, and I know for a fact that sex isn't necessary for two people to have a relationship. I've known couples who go for years without sex. Sex isn't love. Sex isn't what keeps a relationship together. Emotions are. To me, being open emotionally if real vulnerability and true intimacy.

Like I said, it varies from couple to couple. I'm sure there are couples who only have sex and who don't even talk, yet they have a working relationship just because both people are only looking for that physical satisfaction. I'm just saying that there's another side to working relationships.

Salvanas: I don't know what you're talking about. Sorry.

You said earlier that sex isn't a necessity.

ok ok! ill admit it yes! i did say that its not...i guess sometimes it is AS LONG AS it doesnt override all the other important qualities in a relationship..so i guess im in between whether it is or isnt a necessity

And a question for people who think that sex is necessary for a relation: what about asexual men and women? Don't they deserve love too?

What kind of attraction do you get from online dating? You get entertained with her yes, but that's it.

It looks like a best friend to me. That is why when they say, 'I want us to be more than best friends', AKA a gf... they want to get more physical towards the partner.

If there is no love, there is no sex. If there is no sex and there is love... you'd have to provide a great explanation as to why you're not enjoying this great pleasure with the person you love most.

We're not talking about such circumstances. I pretty much said earlier that I would turn gay if sex wasn't important... I could enjoy a relationship with a guy (lol) and not be ashamed because I'd never have sex with him whatsoever.

I'm talking about straight people.

What about people who have sexual disorders, such as erectile dysfunction? What about people who suffer psychological disorders, and don't want to have sex for that reason? What about asexuals? What about the men and women who once had sex with their partners, but now - after decades of marriage - live happily in sexless marriages? Are their relationships pointless also?

I don't know what kind of attraction people get from online dating. I'm not comfortable with online dating. I'm talking about relationships in real life.

It's a little shallow to say that two people who are deeply in love but don't have sex are only best friends. "I want us to be more than friends," is usually a line left for children in high school and Hollywood movies. Most people these days understand that, to be someone's lover, you should also be their friend. A "friend" is a title, a role, that is included under the role of "lover." If you want to talk about cliched lines, have you ever heard someone say, "He/She's my lover, but they're also my best friend"?

I'm not sure what you mean by "if there's no love, there's no sex." People have sex without being in love all of the time. As for the idea of not enjoying "this great pleasure" when the one you love, it's not a great pleasure to everyone. To some, sex isn't the best thing that they can offer to their partner. Emotional stability, sincere love, having a family (and not always through reproduction) - those are things some people find more important and more valuable - "the greatest pleasure."

Why are you only talking about heterosexual people? To you, are heterosexual relationships the only ones that deserve to be discussed? If so, why?

I meant in a relationship that love was lacking, there won't be any sex. Sorry for being bad at explaining it.

+ I'm only talking about sex inside a relationship. I don't know about you, but sex comes after you have sincere love or emotional stability. And yes sex is a great pleasure if you have the other two things you mentioned as well. I said earlier, sex without love is cheap. Not talking about this one.

Even thought I don't care for him too much, I have to agree with iPhantom here.

As much as you want to beat around the bush, deny it, say "sex isn't everything," "I don't care about sex," etc, etc, etc. Sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship.

You need to have that romantic spark, which is achieved by dates, flower-giving, kissy kissy type thing. And you also need the sexual spark, which is achieved by, well... sex.

Like it or not, that's just how the world works. Deny it or accept it, it's just how things work.

A marriage can last without sex, but a HEALTHY marriage cannot. Go ask your marriage counselor for some assurance.

Okay. I'm talking about relationships without sex. Either you completely misunderstood what I wrote, or you decided that you wouldn't respond to what I've written - which is fine. You don't have to respond, especially if you've realized that I'm right and just don't feel like saying it.

There is one thing I am really, pretty curious about though: the idea of only talking about straight relationships. Please, elaborate.

If noticed this also, my friend. Think someone's slightly paranoid.

Getting a bit old.

whether its a heterosexual or asexual relationship not everything is the same some realationships dont have sex and some do its a desicion for the people in THAT relationship to make...some things revolve around sex other things dont its a win win 50 50 decision be against it or for it it's pretty much all the same

You're either blind, or just pulling out nonsense. I already have said a lot about relationship without sex.

And btw, are you asexual or gay? If yes, tell me. Because I'm not. If you're not asexual why do you have to bring it as a point. We're the same, talk about us straight people, not pull out other kind of people.

To you it is. Not to me. Not to every single person who exists on this Earth. That's your personal opinion. It's not a fact. Saying things like, "accept it or deny it," and "like it or not," doesn't make it a fact. Adding, "ask a marriage counselor" at the end of your opinion doesn't make it a fact either. It's your opinion, and I'm sorry, but you might want to tone it down just a little bit.

What makes a healthy relationship depends on each different person and each different couple. Sex might actually be a pretty bad idea for some couples, such as those who suffer from psychological trauma. Sex simply isn't important to others, who would rather put more emphasis on trust. Others prefer more communication. I'm glancing through some articles and so far, I've seen many steps from professionals and scholars advising people how to have a healthy relationship. In not one of them does it say, "HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF SEX!"

Even in an article under the category of sex, the article describes how to have a healthy relationship - and not once does it say that sex is necessary.

*eyebrow raise* Well that's a bit backwards. If you were in a gay relationship, as a man there's a strong probability you'd be having MORE sex than if you were in a heterosexual relationship.

Sex though, regardless of orientation, can be quite important. If the chemistry isn't there, ten to one the relationship won't go anywhere, and I think that's what Iphantom's trying to get at. It happens. You like someone, you kiss and quite unexpectedly, nothing.

It's a different story if you start with the spark and over the years it mellows off, but if that chemistry is never there, then there for a lot of people that does decide things to an end.

Basically, however, you can love someone sexlessly and conversely sex someone lovelessly, because the human creature is flexible like that.

Why aren't you talking about gay, asexual, or lesbian human beings? Why do you find asexuals laughable? Why is it only "mainly" the same answer, and not exactly the same answer?

Instead of trying to insult me or put me down for asking these questions, as alanX has also done, why don't you just answer the questions?

Why are you demanding that I tell you about my sexual orientation?

I brought up asexual human beings because they have relationships without sex. That is what we're discussing, after all.

Do you have a source for this opinion? Have you read articles about love being an idealization of sexual instinct? If you have, I'd like to read those articles.

It is irrelevant to me or the kind of people like me. I'm straight and I cannot say the reason behind that behavior because I'm not like them, and I cannot make comparisons between me and them because they are different.

You're stating that love without sex is healthy in a straight couple based on an asexual couple relationship. That is just plain wrong.

like i said earlier its an agreement with the people in that relationship a win win 50 50 shot

I don't see chemistry as something that's just sexual chemistry. I see it as similar interests and similar personalities. I see it as something between two people who easily get excited about something - being together in the outdoors, or traveling the world together. I don't necessarily think that two people have to enjoy having sex together to have that chemistry. I think that if there's sexual chemistry, it's a result of the fact that those two people have similar personalities or enjoy being around each other.

You've never been in a platonic relationship that works, and yet you so freely speak about the people who are in such relationships. You're not like them, and yet you openly speak about them.

Agreement of having no sex? Cool! Wonder what they go through when kissing goes so much intense it's very hard to resist from having sex.

That is like limiting your love.

The only couples who do that are those who have a valid reason. They don't just wake up someday and decide they should not have sex.

You, like iPhantom, also have no experience with being in a healthy sexless relationship - yet you also speak about the people in those relationships. Yet you won't talk about gay men, gay women, and asexuals.

Our planet is overpopulated. Why do you feel like people need to be able to reproduce in order to not be laughable? Also, do you find gay men and gay women laughable? If two men or two women are together, they also can't reproduce.

no what i mean is its a 50% chance of sex in that relationship an agreement of whether to have sex or not.im not talking about limiting love that would be stupid its a choice EVERY CHOICE IS DIFFERENT WITH EVERY PERSON

So you feel that people can't have a true relationship without sexual attraction.

What about the people who aren't able to have sex or feel sexual attraction, for one reason or the other? Is it impossible for them to feel true love? Is it impossible for them to be in a healthy relationship? Does the ability to have sex validate a human being's health?

Also, what were the titles of Freud's articles, if you remember them? I'd like to look them up and read them myself.

This is stupid. I'm unable to keep a healthy platonic relationship BECAUSE OF THAT REASON: SEX.

Your assumption is that I directly think of sex once I go into a relationship. but that ends there, it's you assumption to post something. If I could go without sex I would, but I can't. Sex is an important part of a relationship.

Also this relationship without sex is just bullshit invented by you. If he has no sex with her partner and is straight, with whom does he have sex with. If he doesn't he isn't straight, if he does real love (sincerity, devotion) doesn't exist in the relationship, so I see a BIG contradiction with your logic.

Ok, now its my turn for my opinion. A relationship can work with or without sex, period. It really depends on the couple. The reason I say this because i met couples from both sides. I dont have permision to explain their story , so i wont. In my opinion, sex is another step to go deeper in a relationship. It just gives another feeling towards your partner. It makes you feel more comfortable with your partner. I think that a couple that had sex in thier relationship before, feel different towards their partner, than those that dont have sex in their relationship. Again, this is just my opinion and i will respect anybody elses, so I hope i get some respect back. Im not here to argue , so i wont respond to any negative replies.

So, if a person doesn't have sex with another person, then they can't feel sexual attraction? And, because you personally can't go without sex, do you think that it's the case for all human beings?

If this is just bullshit invented by me, then it's bullshit invented by quite a few people. I've been reading some articles. Here's an example of one:

"Scientists have proven that falling in love is a chemical reaction. Hormones create confusion in your body, and you believe that you've finally found your soulmate. Your heart rate increases, you blush and start shaking when he or she talks to you. You can't sleep at night and you can't eat, which is great if you want to lose weight. Or you do the opposite and become an emotional eater, stuffing yourself with chocolate to put this person out of your mind - at least for a while.

It would probably be easier to begin a relationship without being in love, because your emotions wouldn't wreak havoc and you would keep a clear head. This chaos is not always a nice feeling, as it can bring to the surface insecurity, which can lead to pain and suffering. Being in love is mostly a sexual feeling. People are attracted to each other physically, which is normal, as we are programmed that way. But if being in love is being in lust, then according to statistics, it doesn't last. The feeling evaporates after a few years. The madness of ripping each other's clothes off becomes a memory, as well as the luxury of staying in bed all day making love.

It is possible to be in love without having sex. Platonic love can be intimate and affectionate, without being sexual. More than physical attraction, love is about respecting and understanding each other. It's about trust and accepting the other person exactly as they are. You can fall in love instantly, but will it last? Isn't love at first sight an illusion, as I only see what I want to see? Then reality hits. I'm in for a big shock, because this man or this woman who seemed perfect now has a lot of defects. And he or she probably thinks the same about me. We're both disillusioned, and even the sex doesn't keep us together any more, as the physical passion has evaporated.

Love is commitment. It grows over time, when people are there for each other. When they listen and try to understand each other. Talking is important. It's okay to have disagreements, as long as they don't degenerate into nasty fights. Too many arguments can destroy love, Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, too many arguments can destroy love. Of course, we will fall in and out of love numerous times with our partners. Sometimes the feeling of love is less intense, almost absent. But it doesn't mean it's all over. The flame of passion can be rekindled at any time. If you don't give up, you can create the love you want. Passion is a strong desire to make the relationship work, but both partners need to be willing to give it a go.

Dating someone you love like a friend means you're compatible on more levels than just the physical one. True love is similar to friendship. The important thing is to establish trust and good communication. Sex is an added bonus, as it is the culmination of your love for each other. But even without sex, it is possible to have a relationship, as long as there is affection and true understanding, and a willingness to share. In all relationships, people will eventually fall out of love over time. People who are together just because they are in love - or in lust - may realise years later, when sex diminishes or becomes inexistent, that they have nothing else in common to keep the relationship going.

A desire to give and receive love will lead us towards a satisfying relationship, in which commitment plays the biggest role. Sex is not compulsory. The main ingredients are trust, acceptance, understanding, respect and appreciation. These can be found in friendship as well, which is why friendship is the best foundation for true love."

Don't bother. I agree with this 100% but again, she will probably just say "well, you know, that's just your opinion. No matter how many people say the same thing, it's still just an opinion, etc, etc, etc."

Mercedesjin, please, just accept reality.

And no, I'm not bullying you.


Lol, had to throw that in there.

Why do you think that I'm bashing you in some way? Where did you get the idea that I think your experiences are inadequate? I'm only asking questions.

Why do asexuals think they're above the rest of the human race?

You know you are Alan...your the worst bully on JF!.

This convo just keeps going in circles for pages and pages and pages and pages...

Because of ignorance.
Some asexuals think they are right. All of the time. They think that they are doing what is perfect and nothing else should exist, such as homosexualism.

Ah! Okay, I agree with that. Yes, it's a sexual attraction that can and often brings people together.

If you don't have the names right there, it's okay. I don't want to send you on a hunt looking for them. I might as well just look for them myself without making you do the work, you know?