Is the Grass greener on the other side?
 

About.com: http://wwwsshe.murdoch.edu.au/intersections/issue4/karen.html


Wonder if anyone agrees or not with this survey. If you scroll down there is an interview with a japanese woman.

Iwonder if all lof us hanker for some other Eden thats better than what we already have.

If some of us imagine that marriage to a Japanese wil be happier than married to someone of our own kind-- ethnicity?

My Japanese friend told me that she has befriended and tried to help some japanese women who are married to BRITS-- and their unhappiness, having to live in UK away from their families etc and having problems adjusting to a different culture.

I guess there is always a risk leaving your home for good to start life with a partner from another country.

I certainly think marriage is hard enough without the complications of marrying someone from a completely different culture! ;) :D

In the area I live there are many mixed racial couples who are married. Mostly Japanese women with foreign men but a few foreign women with Japanese men. Most of the successful foreign business owners in town have Japanese wives who have been very instrumental in their success here. Over the years I've been here I've seen a few fail but I've also seen many flourish and our little town here is full of cute little halfs (that's what racially mixed kids are called here). I've even known couples who are married where neither speaks the others language fluently! As though communication in a marriage isn't hard enough!! I also know of a few mixed marriages where they remain married but are not overly close. The husband provides the money but would rarely sleep with his wife anymore and seeks out other sexual partners. The wife raises the children and lives a pretty good life probably seeking out her own little affairs from time to time. I also know a few couples who probably would never have dreamed of getting married but did so after becoming pregnant.

There are quite a few of the sort of women described in the article working here as well. They have come here purely for the opportunities to work in a foreign owned company rather than a Japanese one (many have told me that). They aren't always also looking for a foreign partner though.

I'm totally new here and so far am really enjoying this forum. Maybe threads usually go this way and everyone is ok with it but damn...this sounds so racist to me that if makes me want to...to...I don't know what but it really bothers me. I'm a total Brit girl and also happen to be Japanese by heritage and I have a Caucasian boyfriend. We aren't having racist issues although the BNP is really active at promoting "white rights" but we haven't felt much effect. We have maybe millions of Indian, Pakistani, Africans, Chinese, Japanese...the UK seems to be a melting pot of the world and seeing bi-racial couples here is a common and everyday sight. Most of our Aisan population came here because the grass IS greener than in their countrys. Japan is no doubt as rich and prosperous as the UK and has its own "greener grass" and probably has its share of imigrants coming in due to that, I don't see that many people pining away for their lost country of origin here, I see them sending for their families to come join us here so what's this bollocks all about? Please don't take this the wrong way cause I'm not talking in anger its just that, I get sort of intense when I talk...er...type so, can you sort of see what I'm trying to say or am I really way off base somehow?

As I am not married to someone from another country or ethnicity.

The thing is: how easy is it for some couples to survive with different beliefs and cultures.

It is not being racist as all. what about religion when some women are forced to marry someone from a partners country. where there are splits and fights about custody of children if the couple split up.

london yes has people from around the world. we have to learn to assimilate but also there is always a risk that mixed marriages are not always straight forward-- for many reasons.

having to fit into one partners culture-- eapecially the one who has left their own country. If they are away from their family.

The Japanese girls that my japanese friend helps-- are mostly extremely homesick. Having to learn the new language and customs can be difficult and it takes a very firm relationship to surmount many difficulties.


When I watch Border Force-- the Immigration Border Agency, so many people who wish to come here tell lies. Anything to try to come here.

hardly any can speak English and many use sham Visas and Student Visas

A lot of money is being made from them for these false documents..


My friend studies extremly hard and deserve to stay here- but the rules are so strict-- but apparently with so many false papers false colleges etc its real a nightmare for Immigration

talking about us being rich and prosperous. Maybe thats true for some but most of are are anything but rich------------ and with the current cuts things will get even harder.


everything costs a fortune-- House prices were obscene-- many wages cannot cover the cost of mortgages.


Our current government are making so many cuts---------- which will damage people from all walks of life.


After the war-- the average weeks pay was £10 a week if you were lucky.


I think its hard for young people--how do they get a foot on the ladder.


I would say this is a very EXpensive country to live in

I guess you are right within the context you are talking about. First though, I was thinking legitimate marriages, not forced ones or "mail order brides" and I know some horror tales about that. And yes we need, in the UK, to address the issue of women being forced to return to their homeland, marry someone they don't want to and return. I have heard of some of those ending in blood shed.

for the expences here, I spent some years in the US and I am having to struggle some back here at home but I felt so exposed to crime and unsafe in the US that getting back to my lovely England I felt it was worth the extra expence. I tend to live a little more minimalist, though, than many people. So alltogether you are right in your points and from the view I was addressing I think I still had some valid points. I am glad to have this discussion with you and thank you for giving me this additional view on these issues.

While I dated a few Japanese women when I lived there, that concern of "does either of us really want to live in the other's country for the rest of our lives?" always kept it from getting too serious. I knew that I would not stay in Japan forever, and the women I dated knew that they could not leave Japan and their families to live overseas. So that was that.

My japanese friend told me that also CLASS ISSUE heirachy in Japan was also important.

she was born in the early 1940's and so things were very strict indeed.


She visited/visits some of those who married and came to UK-- some of them feel that they can not go out and mix with the local population.

Unless they have a good knowledge of the English language it can be extremely hard for them.

If there are local communities who are also Japanese- then clearly that will help-- but many yearn for their families and culture and own language of course.

My friend is very aware of how she behaves towards other Japanese people according to their class. Rather I suppose Like us with aristocracy.

she meets many foreign students at her language school and is often amazed at the differences in their behaviour. some very huggy and outgoing-- whereas she dislikes any show of emotions at all. Bit tough really.

I have some charming Chinese friends-- also extremely hard working and successful in their chosen careers in this country. They are from Hong Kong and actually catholics. They are so very helpful in everything they do. I love the girls mother very much. she is so sweet.

I also have some wonderful paintings by a brilliant Chinese artist. They are mainly of Tibetan Nomads. I believe he grew up in Manchuria.

He married an English teacher and as far as I know their marriage is thriving.

She is a teacher and he now training to be an architect. His wife speaks perfect cantonese I think it is.

I love to meet people from around the world. It adds so much to our culture and knowledge and we need to be open minded really.
Its just that England is a very small country-- soon we will run out of space.


I see that Madam Butterfly wil be performed at the royal albert Hall shortly.

That should be a wonderful event.

I am just living on a very small pension---which is not easy-- However I am very fortunate that we managed to pay our mortgage off a few years ago.


Our children have it tough-- what with so many redundancies. Work is hard to obtain-- and now the govt. is sacking so many others-- who will need Benefit.

Interesting to hear you say you felt unsafe in America. I suppose much depends on where you Lived!.


We hear of so much crime in this country that was unheard of not so long ago.


carrying knives- killing innocent people. I do not understand all that but there has to be reasons.

It is so unlike the Britain that I grew up in after the war. We were so glad to be alive.


I think DRINK and Drugs is one of the culprits. also where people grow up. The kind of environment they live in must have a strong influence.

Have you researched your Japanese background. do you know your family history?

OH yeah that's something I'm trying to do now. I grew up thinking of myself as English and was rather put off by being Japanese as a kid cause like, when I went to school or met new friends or whatever I got something like, "Oh cool, a Japanese girl with a Brit accent, that's great!" or something to that extent. In dating it was worse cause I was always the "Hot 'Jap' bird" and it often seemed guys wanted to date me as some sort of trophy score so I'd get, "Oh Kyoko, you're so cool, how 'bout we go out?" and if I said no then I was "that 'Jap' bitch turned me down, bloody foreigners." So I just ignored...or was in denial...of my culture and heritage. In uni I started meeting a better and more international, or more enlightened crowd, one or the other but things started to take on a different tone. I think its just that kids can just be so cruel and fortunately, usually I hope, we outgrow that. So my whole "search for my Japanese self" is something I have only been working on for about a year now.

Hello again, thanks for your input. It seems very tricky dealing with other youngsters. Its so true that children and young people can be really cruel its something we have to learn to cope with to get on in the big wide world.


I do hope that you find out more about your family history. It's important to know really.

Would you mind if I PM you? best regards, Babs.

Please feel free to pm me anytime. I have found my family sir name in the Yorkshire to Wales areas going as far back as 1901 but who came later or who married whom and where I fit into all of it I'm not sure and I'm not sure if I want to know everything. Sometimes you can find things about your family that you wished you hadn't. :D

You can never win against the "what if" question.

"What if" I lived there?
"What if" that didn't happen to me?
"What if" I didn't say those things?

Some people are seemingly happy whereever they are and a lot of people are miserable whereever they are.

Character is not built overnight and a sudden change of scenery isn't going to suddenly change a person's character or demeanor. Does purchasing a home gym make someone suddenly stronger or more muscular?

Moving to a new place may make you happy temporarily but it's like anything "new" .. once the new feeling fades you may be forced to ask yourself yet again:

If I'm not happy and this thing/place/person I wanted that I now have did not make me as happy as I thought it would be...should I focus on internal issues rather than trying to obtain more external stuff??