What do you think about virginity before Marriage?
 

And what do Japanese people think about it?

I don't think you can generalize how people view this... Just like everywhere else in the world, most guys want to lose it as soon as they can, while most girls want to keep it for as long as they can..

Majority of Japanese people are still very traditional, some area still believe in sex after marriage, but I think (Again just MY thought) some girls are open to the idea of losing it if they believe they've found Mr Right.

At one point, big city girls consider virginity to be something to be shame of, so everyone were try to lose it as soon as they can, but I think that mentality has since changed...

Most of my info are old, others probably have more recent info to share....

Japan is not a Christian country (like Korea) so there is not the social shame of losing one's virginity before marriage. I have never heard some one being praised for saving it or lambasting for not.

I wonder what Japanese mothers tell their daughters about sex.

Yeah, I've never heard any kind of stigma attached to this subject. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with Christian religious values, and their absence in Japanese culture as MMM stated.

It is so good to hear there are places where such stigmas are not prevalent due to the curse of religion(s)

You do not hear to much about the sex part, but once a pregnancy is involved, a marriage to follow is somewhat expected I think. Also living together before marriage is traditionally looked down upon.

I have a hunch that this was simply your way of subliminally spreading biblical verses, but just to show you an example as you couldn't find one, I'll provide one, thanks to Google.

“If any man takes a wife and goes in to her and then hates her 14 and accuses her of misconduct and brings a bad name upon her, saying, ‘I took this woman, and when I came near her, I did not find in her evidence of virginity,’ 15 then the father of the young woman and her mother shall take and bring out the evidence of her virginity to the elders of the city in the gate. 16 And the father of the young woman shall say to the elders, ‘I gave my daughter to this man to marry, and he hates her; 17 and behold, he has accused her of misconduct, saying, “I did not find in your daughter evidence of virginity.” And yet this is the evidence of my daughter's virginity.’ And they shall spread the cloak before the elders of the city. 18 Then the elders of that city shall take the man and whip [1] him, 19 and they shall fine him a hundred shekels [2] of silver and give them to the father of the young woman, because he has brought a bad name upon a virgin [3] of Israel. And she shall be his wife. He may not divorce her all his days. 20 But if the thing is true, that evidence of virginity was not found in the young woman, 21 then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones, because she has done an outrageous thing in Israel by whoring in her father's house. So you shall purge the evil from your midst."

- Deuteronomy 22:13-21

So basically if a woman is found not a virgin, she gets stoned to death as an appropriate punishment, according to the bible. A man gets fined if the accusation is wrong.

There is a significant Christian population in Korea though. About a quarter is Christian.

I wonder what Buddhist teaching is like regarding virginity before marriage...since it seems there is a huge Buddhist element to Japanese society (many of them having Butsudan in their house)

What do American mothers teach their children about sex?

Why do they want it so, respectively?

This is a pointless circular arguement. Some will think it's fine, some won't. Some people like coffee, some like tea.

WTF??? :confused:

You could say the same thing about most threads on any forum. Differences of opinons are what make for interesting debates and conversations though!

Personally the whole virginity thing has never been something I have given a second thought about. My wife definitely wasn't a virgin when we married. In fact I was pretty good friends with most of her previous boyfriends. Her being or not being a virgin just wan't an issue I cared about in anyway whatsoever.

hahahaa...... in my opinion, loosing virginity before marriage is not a big deal. Because women are more than just about virginity, they are God's greatest gift. virgin or not virgin is not important for me. the point is the quality of the person itself.
when i was in high school, i dated a not virgin girl and its oke. so please do not judge the unvirgin girl before marriage is bad.

This is a man perspective :P

ABSOLUTELY AGREE !!!

differences makes us strong!!!

if everyone's is man, we will never see beautiful girl in this world
hahahaa......

You are such a big hearted man!!!
your wife must love u so much dude

I'd rather not have a virgin...
Virgins are... well.. by nature inexperienced.

I think that a woman who has had a certain degree of promiscuity is the best.

Virgins are troublesome.

In my experience, in Japan, it isn`t that big of a deal. While I think that virginity is romanticized to some extent, there is a lot of emphasis on actual intercourse being very painful for the girl the first time.

This sounds about right. People don`t really care all that much about sex, but when it comes to having a baby - you`d better be married. It is sort of interesting how it is perfectly alright for a couple to be involved sexually with no one batting an eye - but living in the same apartment is kind of scandalous.

I think some of this goes back to drawing a line between sex and marriage. Sex exists independent of love/marriage/etc, cohabitation and procreation is entirely linked to marriage. Sex before marriage is fine because sex isn`t something that is considered exclusive to marriage - cohabitation is, so is a bit scandalous (more so with older generations than younger, but the stigma is still there).
You could say "My sister spends so much money on hotels with her boyfriend, it`s ridiculous!" (meaning she is having sex with him all the time) and have everyone just laugh or complain about how expensive hotels are, etc etc... But if you say "My sister moved in with her boyfriend." It is immediately serious, and everyone wants to know when they`re getting married, are your parents okay with that, etc etc.

Buddhism in Japan doesn`t even touch that sort of thing. The Butsudan is exclusively for funeral purposes - don`t have a family member who died while living with you? Then you most likely don`t have a Butsudan.

I always liked virgins. But I`m a girl, so I`m sure a male virgin guy is a bit different than a female virgin.

I think those that can't last a few minutes go after virgin girls.
If it's her first, the time isn't an issue :mtongue: .

Anyway Ryzorian I'm very surprised you're still with us. Would have thought you'd have been taken up in the rapture recently! :mtongue:

contracting sexually transmitted diseases--

I was brought up not to have sex before marriage.

Fear of conceiving a baby was a great incentive in the days when it was considered really terrible for a woman to have a baby before marriage.

Those babies were usually removed for adoption and the whole thing was kept secret-- not so long ago either.

Men need to learn how to satisfy a woman--consider Her needs as much as his own.

its just fine to have sex before marrage,,and its fine again if you didn't had sex,
its not gonna make you a bad person if you had sex before marrage,..just be carefull ans safe..that's all that matters :D

Having known a number of girls who were virgins past 18, maybe it's just my experience, but there's a weird contradiction about girls and virginity too.

As much as it's waxed over as a 'wait till the right time,' 'it's ok to be a virgin', and traditional opinion is that you're supposed to hang onto it until The Time Is Right, there's like an age-limit on that if you haven't got religion as an excuse. If you haven't done it by a certain age all of a sudden it's like 'wow, really? What's wrong with you?' and there is this pressure to 'stop being weird about boys and get laid'. Mostly from other girls, actually. :/

And even if you're religious then you're clearly a massive jesus-freak or a poor repressed muslim or something.

I dunno, I always feel society misses the point when they argue sexual freedom is doing it with whenever, whoever you like and then criticise people who up till now have chosen to not do it at all.

Post Deleted.

LOLOL I didn't even mention that, but the sheer assumptions made by guys considering sleeping with an older virgin are sometimes staggering and not just a little hilarious. I won't go into details but my housemate's boyfriend came out with some real doozies on what he thought would happen the first time. Virgin=/= ignorant, incapable or biologically peculiar or completely inexperienced. Alarms do not blare if you try to walk into An Summers with a hymen. Then again, he was a complete moron. -_-;

As for Japan, I've seen sex how-to's in magazine aimed at teen girls, so I'd say there's less of an issue about pre-marital sex based on that alone. I doubt many parents actively WANT their offspring sleeping around like billy-o, but promiscuity is a slightly different issue to simply having sex before marriage.

Hmmm, I think I'm a strange case :L

I don't believe in having to wait until you're married to have sex, but I also quite firmly believe that it should only be between two people for the rest of their lives.
Well, maybe this is what a lot of people believe, I'm not too sure.

For example, I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years. We were both virgins when we got together.

Now if she weren't a virgin when we met, I'd see things a lot differently. Of course I'd still love her to bits, but I just wouldn't be able to stop thinking about the other people who she'd been with. I guess I like the girl to be completely clean with the person she has sex with (and the guy too of course), and to keep that exclusiveness for life.
Otherwise I'd just not stop thinking I was mixing myself with everyone she'd been with, and I really can't bear to stand that thought...

I think you`ve made a really important point here. Sex before marriage is not promiscuity. Japanese attitudes toward promiscuity aren`t positive (are they anywhere?), but attitudes toward sex-before-marriage are quite neutral. I` d even dare to say positive. It is completely expected, and without religious stigma attached there doesn`t seem to be anything against it. Just the potential results, so be careful sort of thing.

Parents seem to talk to their children about not getting (or getting someone) pregnant and focusing on studies... Not about abstinence. I`ve heard countless tales of parents turning a blind eye to a child having a boyfriend/girlfriend over "in the bedroom" - and even of parents conveniently "going out shopping for a few hours" when one comes over. ;)

However, I think parents are just as judgmental about their child`s boyfriends/girlfriends. If they don`t approve, you can bet that they`ll make it very very hard to meet up.

As a side note - one of my friends in school had been informally betrothed to the son of a family friend. They had grown up knowing this, were good friends, and were both accepting of getting married after graduation.
Both of them were encouraged to "enjoy themselves" while still in school by parents. She had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend - and everyone knew that they were pretty much guaranteed to get married in a couple years.

They got married as planned by family (I imagine if either had strongly rejected the idea they definitely wouldn`t have been forced), and a few months ago I got a card from her announcing the birth of their third baby.

If there were a lot of stigma attached to holding onto virginity until marriage, I find it hard to imagine being encouraged to have other relationships beforehand.

Even when I was teenager (yeah LONG time ago) I was in favor of pre-marital sex. Virginity was a nice concept, but the thought of marrying someone I would have to be faithful to for the rest of my life without knowing whether we were sexually compatible was my personal version of a nightmare waiting to come true.:eek:

I didn't endorse promiscuity, but there was no way I was going to commit to someone I had not checked out in two very important ways - (1) did the sex work for both of us, and (2) what was it like living with them.

Unfortunately, I broke my own rules the first time I married and it only took two weeks to realize I needed a divorce lawyer. Those 2 rules are now ironclad and I will never break them again.

Why do you like virgins?

This needs to be rephrased. Most guys through their retarded behavior make girls do not want to loose anything, especially their virginity. And I cannot blame them lol.

@ Whoever said that he or she likes virgins: What is wrong with you?

I didn't make it, but think you've only read that comment out of context. Although I have to ask, what's wrong with virgins?

The question was directed at those who actually like them. There is nothing wrong with them, except the fact that they are bloody boring, in which capacity, people who actually like them must enjoy being in control as they are either scared of more experienced partners, or simply there is something else wrong with them.

Lots of guys like them because they want to feel they are getting a new car, not a used car.

And it was a woman that posted she liked virgins.

I think problem with virgins is, how will you prove it, that you`re one? The hyme can get destroyed before any sexual action is involved.
And when do you say, you lost you`re virginity? Do you have to had really Sex? Or would it be loosing it, if you use some sex toys?

What is the point of having a new car if it doesn't perform, lol wtf...

Heaven forbid we treat people as people, not cars ;)

I don't think I mind whether or not someone is a virgin to be quite honest. Sex is not (for me) the most important part of a relationship

Yet the successful relationship mainly depends on your sexual relation with your partner,which doesn't mean that the center of relationship has to be sex. Sex (and its quality; quality as in compatibility) affects more human life areas that you may think, possibly leading to frustrations, crimes, etc. Read about sexology and its pathologies, and a huge impact that even a smallest and most trivial issues may cause serious dramas, and you'll understand what I mean.

I'm quite unnerved by some of this :eek: Now when I see someone in a bad mood I just know I'm going to think "Is it something to do with their sex life"?

If this is sarcasm, it won't work. If your question is serious, then my answer is: it is possible. Before I studied law, I wanted to begin psychology studies and specialize in sexology. That time I did a lot of reading on the subject. You would be shocked to know how serious impact can those tiny little issues cause, and what pressure can minor frustrations build up in human psyche.

I am not being sarcastic. It's genuinely not a field I had given much thought to

Ah, well, you never know with forums ;-)

Basically, people are totally exposed during sex, and I am not referring to them being naked. Their personality, fears, complexes, etc. are on the plate in a spotlight. Your inner kid is out and playing, and that side of human nature hate being hurt, and can bite back with vicious passion. Think about it, if a parent scolds a kid, kid wants that parent to die. That is how kids react. The anger is unrestrained and needs to be channeled. If the frustration builds up too much pressure, it explodes. Add to it rather complex and not always affectionate relationships, other issues that life brings, etc. and you have got yourself a ticking time bomb. Little people know how much sexual side of the relationship is important in life.