Japanese Presentation

[starbright]

Hey,

I have to do a presentation in a few weeks. 1 minute about myself and 3 minutes about my town. I've tried to get started on it today but my Japanese is awful Any help would be appreciated.

私は旅行をすることがとても好きです。去年の夏、二ヶ 月半ほどヨーロッパを旅行しました。
I love travelling, last summer I travelled around Europe for two and a half months.

しかし、日本に行ったことがないので留学することをた のしみにしています。
Although I have never been to Japan, I can’t wait to go.

留学する間、日本中を旅行したいと思っています。
While there I hope to travel all around the country.

私の趣味は写真を撮ることです。
I also like photography;

特に自然の写真を撮ることが好きです。
I like to take a lot of nature photographs.

日本の環境はイギリスの環境と違うので、日本でイギリ スにない景色を写真に撮りたいです．
As the environment in Japan is so different, I’m looking forward to capturing different landscapes.

シェッフィルドはイギリシの四番大きな都市とイギリシ の一番みどり都市。
Sheffield is England's fourth largest cities and also England's greenest city.

シェッフィルドは木より人が多いです。
Sheffield has more trees per person, outnumbering people 4 to 1

シェッフィルドなかで七低丘陵で、近く五川、名前はド ン、シェアフ、リベリン、ロクレユ、ポートル。
The city lies in seven hills and around of five rivers: Don, Sheaf, Rivelin, Loxley and Porter.

都市の経済は鋼、工学と食器類は世界があまり有名です 。
The city's economy was built on steel, engineering and cutlery—all of which have established a worldwide reputation.

Thanks xx

[Sashimister]

Originally Posted by starbright

I have to do a presentation in a few weeks. 1 minute about myself and 3 minutes about my town. I've tried to get started on it today but my Japanese is awful Any help would be appreciated.

Since you have lots of time, I will just point out the parts that need to be corrected instead of correcting them for you.

私は旅行をすることがとても好きです。去年の夏、二ヶ 月半ほどヨーロッパを旅行しました。Excellent.
I love travelling, last summer I travelled around Europe for two and a half months.

しかし、日本に行ったことがないので留学することをた のしみにしています。Good.
Although I have never been to Japan, I can’t wait to go.

留学する間、日本中を旅行したいと思っています。 Close! Use another form for する.
While there I hope to travel all around the country.

私の趣味は写真を撮ることです。Good.
I also like photography;

特に自然の写真を撮ることが好きです。Perfect. How do you know how we speak?
I like to take a lot of nature photographs.

日本の環境はイギリスの環境と違うので、日本でイギリ スにない景色を写真に撮りたいです．
Excellent! Try making it perfect by changing the second 環境 to another word. Better writers wouldn't repeat the same word like that. If you haven't learned this, leave it as is.
As the environment in Japan is so different, I’m looking forward to capturing different landscapes.

シェッフィルドはイギリシの四番大きな都市とイギリシの一番みどり都市。
What happened? Almost everything is incorrect here. I cannot believe this sentence was written by the same person as the preceding sentence. Was it?
Sheffield is England's fourth largest cities and also England's greenest city.

シェッフィルドは木より人が多いです。Your English says just the opposite.
Sheffield has more trees per person, outnumbering people 4 to 1

シェッフィルドなかで七低丘陵で、近く五川、名前はドン、シェアフ、リベリン、ロクレユ、ポート ル(need a word here)。
You cannot say "number + noun" like that.
The city lies in seven hills and around of five rivers: Don, Sheaf, Rivelin, Loxley and Porter.

都市の経済は鋼、工学と食器類は世界があまり有名です。
Change 都市　to　街.　If you say 都市, it sounds like "all big cities". 世界があまり有名です makes little sense　
The city's economy was built on steel, engineering and cutlery—all of which have established a worldwide reputation.

[starbright]

The first ones I wrote last year so it was more fresh in my mind, now i'm trying to write about my city i'm trying but i'm really struggling
Thank you for your help! xxx

[starbright]

留学して間、日本中を旅行したいと思っています。
While there I hope to travel all around the country.

シェッフィルドは人より木が多いです。
Sheffield has more trees per person

シェッフィルドなかで七つ低丘陵で、近く五つ川、名前 はドン、シェアフ、リベリン、ロクレユ、ポートルがあ ります。
The city lies in seven hills and around of five rivers: Don, Sheaf, Rivelin, Loxley and Porter.

街の経済は鋼、工学と食器類は世界的に有名であります 。
The city's economy was built on steel, engineering and cutlery—all of which have established a worldwide reputation.

Are these any better?

I'm really lost with:

シェッフィルドはイギリスの四つ大きな都市とイギリ スにないの一番みどり都市。
Sheffield is England's fourth largest cities and also England's greenest city.

I've played around with it but I just can't seem to get it right. Also by greenest I mean literally.. the greenest not economically green.

I also added
リバプールからシェッフィルドまで電車で二時間ぐらい かかります。
It takes about 2 hours from Liverpool to Sheffield by train.

Thank you so much x

[Sashimister]

Originally Posted by starbright

留学して間、日本中を旅行したいと思っています。
While there I hope to travel all around the country.

Your first try was better. 「留学している間」

シェッフィルドは人より木が多いです。
Sheffield has more trees per person

「シェフィールド」. Rest is good.

シェッフィルドなかで七つ低丘陵で、近く五つ川、名前 はドン、シェアフ、リベリン、ロクレユ、ポートルがあ ります。
The city lies in seven hills and around of five rivers: Don, Sheaf, Rivelin, Loxley and Porter.

Learn this format: Number + Counter + の + Noun.

「シェフィールドには七つの丘陵と五本の川があります 。川の名前はドン、シーフ、リベリン、ロクスリー、そ してポーター川です。」

街の経済は鋼、工学と食器類は世界的に有名であります 。
The city's economy was built on steel, engineering and cutlery—all of which have established a worldwide reputation.

「街の経済は鉄鋼、工学、食器類によって成り立ち、こ れらはすべて世界的に有名であります。」

Are these any better?

A little bit, yeah. I can see you tried.

I'm really lost with:

Leave it to the Brummie, bloke! j/k

シェッフィルドはイギリスの四つ大きな都市とイギリ スにないの一番みどり都市。
Sheffield is England's fourth largest cities and also England's greenest city.

「シェフィールドはイギリスで４番目に大きい都市であ り、国内で最もみどりの豊かな都市です。」

I've played around with it but I just can't seem to get it right. Also by greenest I mean literally.. the greenest not economically green.

I know you did. I also know you struggled.
Learn this: Number + 番目に + Adjective = Xth Adjective(in superlative).
You cannot say みどり都市 because みどり is a noun.

I also added
リバプールからシェッフィルドまで電車で二時間ぐらい かかります。
It takes about 2 hours from Liverpool to Sheffield by train.

Good and natural　. 「シェフィールド」