feedback needed ..please help :D
 

Hi I have a speech I have to hold in japanese on how I screwed something up. My text might not make any sense but any feedback on what I did wrong and should change is much appreciated. I did the text in eng too as an reference but it's very simplified cuz I'm only a beginner.


金曜日にぼくと彼女はパーテイーに行きました。でもそ のまえにぼくは木曜日におそくまで勉強したので朝寝坊 しまいました。ぼくの目覚まし時計がこわれましたそれ はぜんぜんきがつかなかったでした。ぼくははやく起き て、着替えなくちゃいけませんでした。六時ごろ駅に着 きました。彼女を待たせました、彼女は本当に怒ってい ました。でも　怒るのにぼくにしんぱいしました。彼女 はぼくの大切な人がいるのでもう一度接待に彼女をしん ぱいになるくないと言ました。そのあとは彼女は感動し たと笑っていました。ときどきばくがきらいてもいつも 好きです。

Last Friday me and my girlfriend went to a party but before that I overslept because I had studied late that thursday before. My alarm clock had broken and I hadn’t realized that at all. I had to get up quickly and change my clothes. At around 6 o’clock I arrived at the station, I had made my girlfriend wait for me. She was really angry but even though she was angry she was worried about me too. Because she’s my precious person I told her that no matter what I wouldn’t make her worried again. After that she was moved and laughed. Even though she hates me sometimes she always loves me.

I'm pointing out only the bigger, more important mistakes. Hope you understand.

朝寝坊しまいました　＞　Where is the main verb? Conjugate する and put it somewhere.

気がつかなかったでした is no good because it's double-past.

怒るのにぼくにしんぱいしました　makes little sense. Change it to 怒っていたけどぼくの事(こと)をしんぱいしていました

Why use いる　in 彼女はぼくの大切な人がいるので?? This is the biggest mistake you made in the eyes of a native speaker.

Are you sure you know what 接待 means? Check the meaning AND the reading. I'm certain you were looking for another word.

しんぱいになるくない makes no sense. 　＞＞＞　しんぱいさせない = wouldn't make her worried

thanks for the reply.. wow that was a few mistakes :P a few stupid ones that I didn't realize.. like I said I'm only a beginner but our teacher forces us to use techniques without fully understanding them yet.

I really appreciate the help, thank you very much :D