Can you check this text?
 

Hi there!
I wrote a text all by myself, but I'm not sure it is correct. It is a very simple text in which a person named A gives a birthday present to a person named B. Then A find a bag and a watch and asks B if they are theirs (uhm.. I'm not sure this phrase makes sense in English). Can you please check it out? Thanks

A) 誕生日おめでとうございます。これはイタリアのプレゼ ントです。

B) おお、うれしいです。何ですか。

A) フィレンゼのステーコです。
かばんと時計をみました、Bさんのですか。

B) 時計は私のですがかばんはじゃありません。

I'm afraid I'm not really following the conversation at the end. I will just correct the obvious mistakes regardless.

誕生日　＞　お誕生日 (This is because you used the polite ございます)
イタリアの　＞　イタリアからの　(Not incorrect but that it better.)
フィレンゼ　＞　フィレンツェ
をみました　＞　がみえます
かばんはじゃありません　＞　かばんはちがいます

You're right, I made a typo:
かばんと時計をみました、Bさんのですか。==> かばんと時計を見ました、Bさんのですか。

A should say:
I saw a bag and a watch, do they belong to B?
And B is supposed to say: The watch is mine, but the bag is not.

かばんはちがいます: what does ちがいます mean?

It means "Something isn't."

We use ちがう several times per hour.

Ａ：　これＢちゃんの？ Is this yours, B-chan?
Ｂ：　ちがいます。 No, it isn't.

Ａ：　イアタリアの首都って、ナポリ？ Is the capital of Italy Napoli?
Ｂ：　ちがう。ローマだよ。 Nope. It's Rome.

ちがう, is it polite? I mean, can I use it in a formal speech? Or I just use it with friends?

Yes, you can use the verb in any kind of speech, but you would of course say ちがいます when you're using です／ます form.

Uhm.. but then, what is the difference between ちがいます and じゃありません?

There are too many differences to explain.

An oversimplification is just to point out:
ちがいます means "is different"
ではありません (don't say じゃ with ます form despite what teachers tell you) means "is not"

For example:
ア：学生ですよね You're a student, right?
イ：いいえ、違います。 No [that is different from what I am]

You couldn't answer with いいえ、ではありません。 You could say いいえ、学生ではありません though.

Edit: No idea what is up with my fonts, sorry.

So, I can say
これは、貴方のですか。いいえ、これは私のではありま せん。
or
これは、貴方のですか。いいえ、これはちがいます。
but I cannot say
これは、貴方のですか。いいえ、これはではありません 。
Is it right?

Why do you say that? My teacher is a native Japanese speaker and also the textbook uses じゃありません。　Both the teacher and the textbook say that in spoken language じゃありません。is more common than ではありません。

Native Japanese teachers that teach abroad would almost never point out the "less than perfectly natural" phrases in the text. It would only make their job difficult because students like yourself would surely keep asking about them.

How about an observation of a native speaker that lives in Japan, not Italy, which is me? Since I'm not a teacher, I can be more honest about what really sounds natural in our ears.

I don't think I ever say じゃありません myself. I hope not because it doesn't sound good. Where I live, which is mid-town Tokyo, I hear it once in a while though I've never liked it. The phrase has got a terrible balance between the very casual-sounding じゃ and the non-casual ありません. That's just the kind of a phrase that educated people hate to see the most. It lacks the refinedness people expect. I'm pretty sure it would be corrected if a kid used it in a composition in Japan as well. I would surely correct it if my own kid used it.

This may not be the case in Kansai but I doubt you are being taught a dialect.

Many Japanese people speak 「～じゃないよー」「～じゃないもん」「～じゃないっ !」to friends.
But when hearing people from foreign countries speak 「じゃありません」,I can’t help thinking they are from LOWER class. I don’ know why. But it sounds dirt. (I’m sorry, my English is too direct.)
I think the combination 「じゃ＋ありません」sounds not good.
When I say 「ありません」, I speak politely. So I say 「～ではありません」
When I say 「じゃ」, I speak very casually to my friends.
Some Japanese people say 「じゃありません」, but I think it’s a bit difficult for Japanese learners because it depends on the situations.
Anyway, I’m sure that most Japanese people see 「じゃ」and「じゃあ」dirt when people from foreign countries say it.

I don’t recommend you to say it.
If you are from LOWER class, I think you can say it.
When you speak to your close friends, it's OK.
But I think you should not write it.

I’m sorry, my English is not good!!!
:D :D :D

To build on what YuriTokoro said, じゃ is a contraction for では. In English, using contractions in formal writing is considered bad. Mixing じゃ and ます form is like that times a hundred.

Ok, I rewrote the text:


A) お誕生日おめでとうございます。これはイタリアからプ レゼ ントです。

B) おお、うれしいです。何ですか。

A) フィレンツェからステーコです。
かばんと時計がみました、Bさんのですか。

B) 時計は私のですがかばんはちがいます。


Is it correct now?
Just another question: why should Isay: かばんが見ました and not かばんを見ました?

Who said that? Read my first post carefully.

When speaking Japanese, foreign people often say「じゃーありません」or「じゃあーありません」instead of 「ではありません」.
If they can pronounce 「じゃありません」properly, it might sound OK (depends on the situation), but they say 「じゃあーありません」, and it sounds strange.

Ah, I got it...
you use が　because with the verb "見えます" かばん is the subject. But why should I say
かばんがみえます
instead of
かばんをみます ?

In questo caso 見えろ vuol dire "vedersi". Quindi la borsa si vede...borsa soggetto (riflessivo in italiano, ma non in giapponese). かばんが(la borsa)見える(si vede).
Hope it helps...

If I am sending emails to my penpal who is 18 and Japanese, and I am 24 and English if I use plain form (never use ます　form) and things like じゃ or じゃないよ　do I sound like dirt, or is it just casual and OK?

She sends me very casual English and when she writes in Japanese it seems very slangy and casual to me, I never knew that for foreigners it makes you sound of a lower class or anything! :eek:

I guess I feel that if someone can write in English slang over chat that it makes them sound more fluent and natural, so I thought it worked the same way?

Hi.
When sending emails to your penpal, writing じゃないよ is good.
It doesn’t sound dirt at all.

Between friends, saying じゃないよ is OK. It doesn’t sound lower class or something like that.

I meant that when non-native people speak じゃ　＋　ありません, it sounds strange.
You know that ～ありませんform is polite, don’t you?
When they speak じゃ　＋　ありません, many of them pronounce it じゃあ～ありません。
They speak じゃあ～ too strong.
It doesn’t sound polite. Very strange and something like offensive to the ear, I feel.

I’ve been wondering why they prefer じゃあ～ありませんtoではありません.
Do you have any idea about it?

Writing じゃないよ to your friends is OK.
When you speaking Japanese, you’d better not to say じゃありません because you may sound strange”じゃあ～ありません”.

Thank you for clarifying.

I only learnt from this thread that じゃありません sounds strange, they teach it to you in Japanese classes and books all the time as being normal polite.

I will use ではありません in it's place now.

Also I know what you mean about some people who say it like じゃああああ　。。。ありません。 I thought it was meant to be said really fast and together like じゃありません　but now I know it is best to never say it!