Children not in good terms
 

I've 3 children, 2 boys and one girl. Their age are, girl 19, boys 15 and 11 years. They don't like each others. They always fight among each on TV channels, computer, car seat arrangement, etc. I've tried my best to harmonies but failed. I admire those family whose children are well behave and closed to each and respect their parent. We failed miserably as parent but that is not what we want. Has anyone got this problem? Could anyone help me how to tackle this issue. Thank you:confused:

It is hard but to complain will change nothing I grew up in a house with 5 sisters it were the war everydays but there was no Hatred btw us ..the parents often have a difficult vision of the relations btw their children while sometimes they are only appearances! I have nothing to advise you, you are a parents if you give up all your family will fall HANG ON! (Im 19)

1.i have a twin sister she annoys me to death but we still love each other
2.two of your kids are teenagers so of coarse thier going to disobey you its apart of growing up
3.no one has perfect kids get over it they act good because they're bribed by theier parents dont do that
i repeat dont spoil or bribe ur kids,they'll start to misbehave

4.Ur a great parent think about it none of your kids are in jail just keep teaching them about what they need to be ready for in life

hope i helped any

Firstly: you are not a abd parent because you obviously CARE.

Secondly: you've been a parent for 19 years, and you still haven't worked out that sibling rivalry exists? Teenagers are generally hormonal nowadays, you can't change it. Would you like them to be well behaved because statistics show that in that case, they won't have as much of a developed personality.It's perfectly natural, it's primitive instinct to fight for space, food, materials. It's science, you can't really argue with it. you can't tackle it, it's just how it is.

thirdly: you shouldn't admire how well behaved other families are because chances are, they're probably in the same position as you. Families are not supposed to be perfect, you're living in a house with 5 people you got to learn to lvie with each other.

You could even argue that its nice to see them argue because when they're all grown up, you'll miss it, their bickering and seeing them as childish, young adult behavior, because its part of their growing up.

The only thing you can do is just reprimand them if they're being TOO out of order, other than that, just let them be.

I think some people have said what i wanted to say but i'll repeat it anyway. It's perfectly normal for siblings to fight eachother. I have 3 older brothers. Up until the age of 14 i was in a fight with them every single day. But i still love them to peace and i would neve disrespect them now that i'm older.
Also, i'd like to add that, it is not normal for your kids not to listen to you. Sure they will always make mistakes, but you definately need to put them in their place... i know a lot of people are against slapping your child on the buttox or whatever, BUT it bloodly works. I remember me, i was a little devil, i always done things wrong. First it was "THE EYE". My mum would show me a huge eye and an angry face and i'd just know. I knew that if i carried on, i'd get a slap! IF i ever went worse than that (only happened once in my life), she'd get my dad on me! Now my dad had a different technique... there was no warning, he'd seem all kind and talking to me etc, then BANG, lol the finally that would put me in my place for good!

Now, i'm not saying you should take up this technique of disciplining your children, but you definately need to put them in their place. Think is, if they don't listen to simple rules that you set, then how will they ever follow the law? An undisciplined child is just a future criminal in my eyes. Children need to know what is right and what is wrong!

One last thing, Don't compare to other families. you'll never get anything good out of it!

Thank you for all your viewpoints and advice. I hope this is part of the process growing up and we've to live with it.

Real easy to solve the issue.
Anytime me and Kennen used to fight.
His mom would slap the shit out of us.
Problem solved >>

If I thought my brothers hits hurt
Hers were 4598456 times worse.
We never argued again.

And if they keep acting up.
Send them to boot camp or any other form of the same thing.
That straightened me up real fast to I came back up all
" Yes Ma'm" " No Ma'm"

Ah, authority smacks. Something that was lost long ago. There's a difference between beating a child and making their life hell and being a good parent. 'Course, governments can't tell the difference... Silly, silly government.

you didnt fail. They're just in their teens. Its wat they do. fight sleep and cause trouble.

igrew up in a house with a brother and two sisters , i cant tell you now IT WAS HELL!!! we get along better but we still fight alot. you cant fix the situation by talking to them and telling them its wrong. them know it is but god gave everyone emotions. we would always fight over everyone. my mom used to say to behave but it didnt really help. but she did do things that brought us together. she spent time with us and had us spend time together. it really helped. my dad helped the situation by giving us our own things. we fought over the tv. he got us a second one. i know what your thinking. im probably spoiled or rich. im neither. we grew up in a ghetto and he found those things in the dumpsters, lol. but nobodies kids are well behaved. everyone has their imperfections. dont say you failed either. their is no such thing as functional and disfunctional. the minute you,ve given up on your children is when you.ve failed as a parent.

No, you're perfectly fine right now. Sometimes it's good to fight, but you also need to establish more rules if this keeps up and occurs more often!
I also watched on Tyra the other day about sibling birth order. lol That's something to look into too, but I doubt it would exactly match your own children.
Good luck, and don't worry. Being a child and being a parent is tough work!

I've got a similar problem......
I tried rolling a die with their first name letter on it and then we lost track of it. then I pulled out a handmade calander and wrote who did what on what days and so forth it kinda worked til they forgot to write in it. Then we gave them tickets for t.v., computer, games etc time.....that didn't work. And now all I have to do is glare at them and they settle down at once. But I've never spanked them.

What I did is I set them on schedules for example.....

Like if we're on Monday and the eldest took a shower first then on Tuesday the second takes a shower first and we rotate them. and stuff like that. And they have to tell me what they want to watch. And it does help that they each have their own t.v.'s. And as for car rides. If I'm driving they can't ride "shotgun". If they get out of hand on a channel from the living room I make them turn it off and go watch t.v. in their own rooms. That kinda forces them to come to an agreement since the living room is the only room that has cable..^_^..And as for computer time I use a timer.....1 hour at a time no more and whoever took a shower first that day got to go on the computer first.

As far as punishment goes when they fight I take them one by one and ask what happen and since know how well they behave against each other and I come to my own conclusions as to what really happened. Then I get them together and tell them what I think really happened. They usually say I'm right. Then i make them say I'm sorry to each other.

My kids know that if we were to die they would only have each other to rely on as family. You can't really rely on other relatives or friends. I've seen what close families go through when they don't get along. I've told them that I don't want ours to be like that...It's sad.

But I suggest patience through trial and error....

i always had problems with my sibilings we don't get along well because they are spoiled like whatever i do that they don't like is wrong so i dont like them i dont think they should be spoiled maybe try to set things on your own way and tell them if they want to have the own arrangement then buy their own car!

It's natural, I used to fight with my brother all the time. I have a suggestion however it could get out of hand.

Leave the house, tell them that they are to take care of the house. An argument can and most likely will start. Just let them argue to their heart's content and eventually they will stop and realise they love each other and will stop fighting.

This worked for my brother and I, my parents didn't do this but while they were out he and I got into a really heated argument and it ended up in a physical fight. I hit him so hard that I kind of felt sorry for him and started wondering why we even do this shit to each other. We haven't had a fight since. Sometimes you need to get these things out.

However this will get out of hand and probably won't work if your children don't have a sense of empathy.

My children are a little younger but I understand what your saying. My boys are 11 and 8. schedueling does work and also rewards for behaving correctly and loss of priviledges*ex:computer, video games, phone, etc...* when fighting. I also take time out for each one of them each day even if its only a few minutes to spend time individually. Just me and one of the boys and then me and my other son. Letting them know that they are individuals as well as siblings. My children fight but are the first ones to defend or protect their brother when the other needs it. Fighting is normal because each person is unique and growing up with siblings is a excellent learning experience to learn how to get along with people of all sorts of personallities. So it might be tough now but as they get older they will still value each other as family.

my bros. & I fight all the time. mabe u should just sit down and tell them u r disapointed in them & ground them from TV, Phone, ect.

That's normal. Life as a family is not fun without fighting, specially for siblings. When they are in trouble, you'll see, the will end up helping each other.

Have you dated them individually?
Have you to talk about their personal life?
Have you shown your love for them?
How much time do you spend with them?

Treat them as individual persons with different characters, personalities, special abilities and potentials.

LOVE THEM unconditionally and Have a great time with them.

Looking at their age differences, they have different needs and interests. The girl might be interested in boy friends or relationships. The 15 year old be starting to be interested in girls and has just adjusted from a boy to a teen ager. The 11 year old is still a boy morphing to puberty and soon he will be confused about his identity.

Put together in a box, they can not communicate effectively if they have their own personal interests in mind.

You didn't fail, Having children is the most wonderfull thing in the world, you're related to them in feeling and biologically. That's why i think you must increase the communication intensity in your home. If you feel sad with their act tell them you feel sad with what they're doing and you expecting them to behave.
Talk for every simple thing, like if you will them to wash their plate after dinner and they didnt obey, just tell them that you would be happy if they do it. Look into their eyes when you say it like you're diving into their feeling , you say it and you mean it. Even when you give them a time up.
So i think improve the communication.

Your advice can be well taken.

i agree with everyones opinion in here but maybe you could try to talk with them to be together as a whole.what i mean is that you could try to get each one to understand that you will always be there for them(you know give them security that they can always come to you no matter what happens especially now that they are teens) after that maybe eventually they will come to an understanding and they will stop making each others life a living hell.

i mean sometimes one thing leads to the other you give them love and care (through many different ways) and that could push the negativity away

i hope everything gets better with your family good luck^^