Over-reaching hospitality from Japanese.
 

Has any visitors to Japan ever experienced what I would call "over-reaching hospitality" in Japan from Japanese?

I would define this as:

1. Insisting that you eat your Japanese food with a fork when at a restaurant with Japanese friends, or at a Japanese home.

2. Being served a plate of bread, when all others are eating rice.

3. Fear from Japanese that you (a westerner) would explode if you eat Japanese food, or heaven forbid "SUSHI!!!"

4. Refusal to let you practice your simple Japanese language ability by speaking back to you in simple Japanese.

5. Never accepting any form of gifts from you for fear appearing greedy.

6. Any other examples you can think of?

Looks as though you joined JF to make this negative thread.

nope...never experienced this :confused:

7. You are very stupid.

Have experienced nothing like that because none of those things happen.

You know, I recall reading one person's journal a good while back from a trip the girl took to Japan to visit her friend. This was the late 90s, though. Her friend's mother seemed to have pizza every night for their dinner because she was American and knew that Americans eat pizza, as it's not fully Japanese and all. Her friend explained this to her after she'd left that her mother figured that she would enjoy pizza because of her being American. Maybe there are some Japanese who makes the assumption that an American wouldn't care for Japanese foods.

While our new poster here seems to have a pretty damn negative overtone, I have heard small instances where things like this happen, but usually only with food. Japanese people know that Americans typically don't know much about Japanese food besides sushi, and since our palettes tend to be different, they might be nervous about serving you something like ikuradon, so they play it safe and give you something they know you've had before. I actually think this isn't a bad idea in the very beginning, and then form there, they can determine what kind of Japanese foods you might like. But I sincerely doubt someone is gonna get pizza every night. Not only is that lame, but it's unhealthy, and EXPENSIVE. Japanese Dominos pizza with pepperoni will cost you about $20.

$20? I used to pay $16 for a single siize pizza. It would be $50 to feed a family pizza for dinner.

But I won't get too serious until the OP has more than one post.

Was that from Dominos? It's been a year and half since I last did this, but I think I remember paying about $20 for an S size, and about $25 for an L size pepperoni. But yeah, wow, now that I think about it, my girlfriend and I used to polish off an L size between the two of us, so a family of four..yup, $50. Good call, man. I remember we would only get it every once in a while, unless we were really aching for some CHEESE.

Thats alot of money for something that started out as Peasant Food!

if anyone is ever in london, i HIGHLY recomend La Porchetta...massive italian handmade pizza made fresh and from scratch there and then...for about £5 (thats $10)

and thats eating in!

1. Not quite, I had a waitress ask my fiance in Japanese if it was okay for me to use chopsticks. And in Seattle, at a Japanese restaurant they gave my fiance chopsticks and me a fork. Also, pretty much the first time I ate a meal with someone in Japan they would ask if I could use chopsticks.

2. No but my Fiance was a little suprised when I made rice with dinner when she was here. She thought I did it because of her, not because that is how I make that dish. She didn't realize that rice is a popular food and thought American's mostly ate bread and pasta instead.

4. It is more like they refusing to let you practice Japanese by them speaking English. Most of the time I will try to respond in Japanese to their English, but I did have a woman tell me not to speak in Japanese at all because she wanted to practice her English.

With the exception of 5 I understand why someone that is Japanese or has heard stories about certain behaviors towards westerners might ask these questions. They are simply exagerations of reactions that a Japanese person with limited contact with foreigners might have.

my....
we share so MANY similar sentiments.. o.o'

I plead guilty to being a new poster! It's interesting that you state that I have a "d*mn" negative overtone and then use profanity to describe my tone. Thanks for getting over your preoccupation of the quantity of my posts and actually giving an intellegent response to my questions. Sometimes the stereotypes we have of each other between us Westerners and Japanese can be humorous at first as we get to know a culture better.

I got more responses over the fact that I was a new poster than to my thread! I have have a negative overtone? Then you use profanity to describe my tone? Well thanks for getting over your preoccupation of the number of my posts and actually giving an intelligent response to my questions. The stereotypes we have of each other between us Japanese and Americans can be humorous at times as we learn about each other's culture. I'll try to lighten up my tone for my next post.

xceeding, if you knew how many people come here, make one post that stirs up a bunch of flames and then never comes back, you would understand better.

Why does everyone get so flared up when someone mentions something potentially negative about Japan? I hate this attitude you all have towards new members who are just asking a question. If someone came on here and said the same thing about America, for example, not many people would have the same attitude. He/She was not flaming Japan, merely asking a question about it so he/she could find out better what it was like. They were questioning the stereotype, so that they could find out about this kind of thing better and not be given the wrong information. Isn't that what Japan forum is for? To give a realistic perspective instead of an ideal one? His/her post had no negative overtones in my eyes, unless you wanted to look at it that way yourself. If you don't like it, don't post.

Ok, except the first couple posts, I didn't read the whole thread. But I have experienced all those things and so have the few other foreigners I knew in Japan. People just try to be considerate. I never got any of that stuff from people who met me more that a couple times.
I Japan, especialy in the country side, people can't imagine Japanese coming from a white face or the person practicing Japanese customs. Sometimes, people would e so polite I felt trapped into social situations. Most of this stuff came from people who never met a foreigner before or from "gai-jin" wh***s who just wanted to know a foreigner.

Stirred "your flames" you mean, right?
 

I'm not sure what you mean by "never comes back." Hello I'm here! As for the flames I stirred, you obviously overate you opinion.

Okay so you never experienced these things, take a deep breath move on. There are others who have something to say besides you.

He was referring to a lot of members, who come on here, leave 'negative' comments about Japan [presumably to stir up trouble,] and seemingly people wrongly accused you of being one of those people, that was probably why you were getting so many negative responses.

That's why I was sort of defending you because everyone was jumping on the let's-attack-the-first-poster band wagon. Don't worry about it though, since you've actually come back you are likely to get some better responses from now.

Another comment on the subject. A few misunderstandings seen.
 

When I receive what I call "over-reaching hospitality" from a Japanese person it's hard to criticize because I know in their heart they are trying to be nice and are looking out for my well-being.

I am a 51 year old man who has been married 23 years to a Japanese woman whom I met during my first visit to Japan in 1979. (Let this be a warning to you single guys considering visiting Japan!)

My 15-year-old son who is perfect bilingual and doesn't look Japanese, especially being 6'1" tall, often comments that Japanese people won't respond back to him in Japanese when he speaks. I thought it was just me who experienced this and I only speak simple Japanese!

My Japanese in-laws are wonderful people, but I wish they would treat me like a member of the family rather than an "honored guest." They say things like, "Sorry, no bread tonight. Is rice okay?" And I say, "Yes, of course." For the millionth time! They often bark at the waiter or waitress at a restaurant to bring the foreigner a fork, while my son laughs out loud and I just smile, knowing they mean well.

I love the street side vendors in Japan that sell barbeque squid. I often have people stare at me as I eat my squid. Yes, I like Japanese food! But I smile and supress a laugh when Japanese people ask me, "Can you eat Japanese food, even SUSHI?"

There are parts of Japan that don't see foreigners often, and the stereotypes can be amusing. I admit, I've had some stereotypes of Japanese people as well.

Why is this in the relationship section? The stereotypes and what I call "over-reaching hospitality" come from my relationships with the Japanese people that I've met over the years; my friends, my wife, and my in-laws in Japan.

I appreciate the thoughtful replies to my thread. I thank you!

I wish the "flame-fiends" well.

:mtongue: :ywave:

deleted...

it has happened quite a few times to new members & whatnot. ^_^'

please do continue to visit the site. we need mature people like you around more often. ^_^'