She didn't teach you any manners and how to avoid ban though. :(

Bureda\'t Jokes
 

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.... that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet again.....

The mistress stated: \'Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn\'t say a word. We just had wild sex all night.

The engaged girlfriend said: \'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4\' stilettos and mask. He said, \'You are the woman of my life, I love you... then we made love all night long.\'

The married one then said: \'Well, last night I sent the kids to stay at my mother\'s for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.

My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV remote and a beer, plopped his fat ass on the couch and said, \'Hey Batman, what\'s for dinner?\'

That sounds like something my lady would say.

Yes, very charming. Anyway, don\'t be too eager to sort yourself out people, enjoy the freedom!

How To Beat A Speeding Ticket
 

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver\'s license?

Driver: I don\'t have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It\'s not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That\'s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There\'s a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That\'s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There\'s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the Captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It\'s mine, officer. Here\'s the registration. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there\'s a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there\'s no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there\'s a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don\'t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn\'t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I\'ll bet the lying son of a b1tch. told you I was speeding, too!

Hahahaha good one xD

PS: I\'ve never been held up for speeding :cool:

How hard must it be to have sex standing with stilettos on?

I love strapless leather corsets <3

lmao! nice one. My mom got out of a speeding ticket once, she was pleading to the officer like hell. She said she would clean his car and brush his teeth for him no joke o.O got off with a warning. -.-\'

Sad really that it wouldn\'t be surpriseing. lol

I got pulled for running a red light.....had to pay $213 for it too >_< I\'m never doing that again.....