second chances? (long)
 

okay
my first real boyfriend
was a Japanese boy who was an exchange student at my high school. I was sixteen then, as was he, and I posted about him on this very forum, four years and three months ago.

Soon after that post, he returned to Japan, and we spent the next year and few months in a relationship without seeing each other.

My senior year of high school started, and we broke up. No fight, nothing. Started to talk again as my graduation ceremony came in 2009.

I was dating a guy who I first interacted with through this site then, (We knew each other in person,) but that relationship was really...not a good healthy one.

The summer I graduated, I was sexually assaulted. To a very extreme point. I called my first love up, tell him, and just pour everything out. We promise to keep close friends.

We do. I start having another serious relationship with a korean, which lasts longer than my first.

However, when the earthquake in may happened, I wanted so badly to do something for Japan, and well...the boyfriend did not like that. So...guess what happened.


After that, well, I start making my dad keep his promise of letting me come here, and call my first love. He says not to worry, I can stay with him and his family as long as I am in Japan. Cool :D So I prepare to come here. We talk about dating short time while I am here...and well...

I arrive. His dad and him pick me up at Fukuoka airport. The moment I see him, my heart decides to give me a few attacks. Wish I was exaggerating. My hearts pumping, I get dizzy, and foolish as I try to find my baggage and breathe while he waits.

Its been a week and two days since. I leave in two weeks. We have gotten very very VERY close in such quick time, and we both feel like nothing has changed.

We made a promise to see each other once/twice a year no matter what happens anyways, but I am starting to feel that this, time, it can go somewhere.

So, does anyone believe in the second run?

Sure, anything can happen. If you two like each other, anything is possible....:)

People develop, gather experience, move...
You and him have done that too and continue to do so.
Yet, seperated by an ocean and a handful of timezones, your hearts obviously never lost track of each other.


Go for it.

Hi Kayci. Love the story it's very sweet, heartfelt, and I love the possibility of it working.

Long distance relationships typically start out with a relationship that is "beyond the normal person's" or a relationship built upon a connection that transcends borders, countries, and the petty and lustful inclinations of the "typical" person's standard sub-par relationship. However, in the end someone will have to move to a new country to even START the relationship. (i.e. writing letters and seeing each other twice a year is not enough to know whether or not you'll still enjoy seeing him wake up after snoring all night and trying to kiss you with dragon breath once the initial attraction phase of the relationship passes.)

How many years do you plan on sending deep, gushing love letters to each other before reality sets in that one of you will have to move?

If you can move to Japan are you willing to drop it all for the possibility of a relationship that might or might not work out?

Do you have any 21-22 year old sisters that are as sweet, romantic, and sincere as you are who moonlight as exotic dancers?

We need these questions answered!

Trolololol.

Mental Note: Only tell Kayci what she wants to hear. lol

I'm just gently poking fun here Kayci but people have a hard enough time:

- making long distance relationships state-to-state work let alone country-to-country.
- making relationships work that didn't quite work out the first time work out the second time.
- making ex-highschool relationships work in adult years

I'm all for designing your own destiny but there are some hard-hitting questions you'll need to answer to yourself whether right now or later on.

However, I think this is the answer you REALLY want:


"yes, Kayci, second chances WILL work!!" :pandahurray:

Kacyi I like you because I think you are a sweetheart, but you are very immature for your age.

From my own experience, there're no such things as second chances. My last relationship with a woman ended very badly and there's nothing left between us but mutual acrimony and hostile feelings. I've made conciliatory steps towards her but some wounds just can't be stiched up; she's made it perfectly clear that she wants nothing to do with me.

Do what I've done: burn your bridges and move on. :)

Dude, for the record, I was not offended. You had me laughing. I am sorry I was not clear ^^:

Edit; I dunno how I seem offended to where it sounded like I only wanted to hear a certain thing...I honestly was just thinking how funny your post was, and that song came to mind

Why, cause I experienced things? xD

But oddly enough, the relationship never ended badly. We stayed pretty close, nothing every got ugly...

I do have a hard time burning bridges, in any kind of relationship, even unhealthy ones... Of the four guys I dated in my life to be looked at somewhat serious or more, I only stopped talking to one. (And I feel I was pretty justified. Kind of object to being stalked while breaking up here.)

But with my friends, I keep almost all of them. Only lost three in the last ten years alone, in a not so cool manner, and two were because of they passed away.

Anyways, me and him talked last night. Some more came out in the open, so we will see how the next two weeks here, and the time after goes.

Love is sweeter the second time around :rheart: so why not. :ywave:

good luck to you:vsign:

they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

In truth wouldn't you be better to find someone who lives near you where you can have a proper relationship/


Long distance relationships may seem perfect but in reality one needs to really know a person intimately to really know them.

why not look around you--

Thats the thing. We both tried. I actually got into relationships with people nearby, as in, same town, or even same state.

I knew him a lot when we were younger. spent a year together before dating.

I did look around, he looked around. I am not new nor naive to the pain and trouble of this kind of relationship.

No Kayci! *I'M* sorry .. when you just typed "trololol" I thought you were laughing me off and calling me a troll because of my super-laid-back way of answering your question when, in fact, there WAS some seriousness to it.

Anyway..just like in Team America... I cherish your friendship.

:rheart:

there can only be pain in this kind of relationship really-- Lots of fantasy etc.

Go for the real thing that is available.

real things hurt me more than this guy did. As I said, I have been with people nearby. I got more pain out of that.

In the end, near or far, this guy treated me the best, and made me the most happy....
Again, we will see how time will tell.

Well I know it was somewhat truthful, I just love it when people are funny about it.
But yeah...the next couple years are going to be a repeat of the first time, only this time i have oppurtunities to go back and forth more than I did in high school...but school and such is there too...

I think it's great that you two were able to reconnect after highschool. I do believe in second chances but like everyone has stated above, long-distance can be tough. There has to be a point to it basically, meaning one person has to make a sacrifice and move eventually. It seems like a fairy tale now because you're with him right now, but what happens afterwards? Will you be satisfied with seeing each other only twice a year? I was in a long distance relationship once and we saw each other once every few months until I made the decision to move to his state (half way across the US). We stayed together for over four years and were engaged. Then we broke up. I felt resentful that I gave up so much to be with him. I'm still in his state but he actually moved out of the state and I realized how alone I was here because I only hung out with his friends. I had to start all over. But I didn't want to move back to my own state (then again, who would...it's NJ). It took months (still is) for me to find my own group of friends. Luckily I was able to find a good job when I first moved here, but finding a new apartment on my own, being 'independent', etc... it's definitely tough.

I think its more like because many of your post express you being a loner who is in need of something really badly....

Though I do agree with 2 things you said, its difficult to just "restart" if the first try fail... and the thhing with turning adulthood, I agree 100%, but that can go both ways, they either see things more clear now that they are more mature and get things working, or completely the opposite..... so it really depends on the individual

Long distance, though, I think can still work, its going to be difficult and way challenging, but i think it can work

lol, tough crowd here!

Anyone can assume anything they want (especially on the Internet) and often our assumptions are based upon our paradigms. Paradigms are like a set of glasses. What works for one person does not necessarily work for another. With paradigms we look out through our own eyes and assume the world is the same for everyone else who views it.

I really hate descriptions without examples so here we go:

For example: Typically your posts come off as confrontational and you have posted some quite aggressive posts that are typically very serious (I think a bit overly serious for a Japanforum.com but I digress). You also engage in put-downs. To one person, these seem to fit the characteristic of an insecure person who has problems accepting self and others. To another, they could be the hallmarks of a person who takes himself seriously and expects others to be as serious.

To answer your statement though...I think she answered with the lol statement BECAUSE....

so don't try to over analyze it! lol

True...but thats why i will try anyways...see how things turn out. Take it day by day

I hope things turn out for the best for the both of you :) But like you said, take it day by day and play it by ear for now.