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girlgamer1984 (Offline)
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Posts: 156
Join Date: Jul 2007
03-29-2008, 12:44 PM

When you are describing a scene, it is better to go for third person prspective and not first, as it can be very tricky for people like you and me who are in the learning phase. Let me rewite what you have written in the first post.

Quote:
A young girl(this is not me!) is lying on a bed and closing eyes. Whiskers and nose drawn like a cat is on her face. A chinese character which means "king" is on her forehead.
Arround her mouth is dirty as if she was pigging out until now. 4 bottles are surrounding her,although one of them is full of contents, the others are empty.
Let me correct it as much as my tired brain can allow it. Here goes.

A young girl was lying on the bed with her eyes closed. You could clearly see the cat like whiskers, and a tiny black nose drawn on her face. A Chinese character was painted on her forehead. The corner of her lips, were covered with food, as if she had been senselessly eating up until now. She had dozed off on the bed, surrounded by four abandoned, empty bottles.

I hope this helped a bit.


Light today has dawned on my wooden head.

Last edited by girlgamer1984 : 03-29-2008 at 08:46 PM.
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