[JasonTakeshi]

Originally Posted by TalnSG

The example was close to the way I was thinking. But I disagree that everything we do is just for ourselves. In the case of love there is more involved.

Depending on the viewpoint love is both selfish and selfless. When it becomes obsessive, or oppressive to another person, it is clearly selfish - and in those extremes I would not call it love, though some do.

Love is selfless when the person truly puts the interests of the person they love before their own, and many of us have done that. But even then there is an element of selfishness, because you cannot defer to another without some regret.

And why would we put the interests of the person we love higher than our own interests?

Lets pick the "mother" again:

She can only feed one person with the money she has. (lets assume that it cant be shared, so that i can go further)
She can choose to feed herself, or feed her child. But not both.

What do you think she would do? Feed her child.

Why?

- Child doesn't eat - mother's sad/not happy.
- Child starves - mother's sad/not happy.
- Child dies of starving - mother's sad/not happy.

Therefore, to avoid saddness, she chooses to starve herself, which she can bear easier than watching her child starve. Its all about unwanted/the way you manage your emotions in order to suit yourself.

But oh wait, wouldn't she be selfish if she actually didnt feed the child?

It depends on the eyes of the beholder. But the majority would say yes, no doubt. Because they consciously think that they are not selfish, but unconsciently they are.