Please help me to read this English sentence:

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi.
Could you correct my English?

"Bon Dance Event"

I went to a bon dance event today. It is a festival that is held by neighborhood communities on summer nights. During the festival, people perform bon dances.
If you go bon dancing, you should wear yukata. They are more informal kimono made from thinner fabric. Those who have stayed in a Japanese-style hotel, or "ryokan", may have worn a yukata. Hotel customers wear it to relax. It functions as both pajamas and bathrobe.
In the past I enjoyed bon dancing. When I was an elementary school student, I made a promise with friends to go to bon dancing every year. I was really looking forward to going to the festival.
I would put on yukata the day of the festival. My mother gave me some money. I bought some food at yatai (stalls which are open only during a festival), and ate with friends.
And then, we danced in line.
After becoming an adult and before getting married, I took Japanese classical dancing lessons. As a part of the lessons we performed bon dancing while wearing matching yukata.
I’ve heard people perform bon dancing in many other countries now. If you see people dancing, please try. It’s very easy and simple.

Thank you.

Bon Festival - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
YouTube - Suwajinja 諏訪神社　盆踊り 3

Sounds exciting, Yuri. I have some knowledge of yukata and bon dances from many hours spent watching anime (of course). Specifically "Toradora" and "Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu". I'm guessing from those examples "bon" is the shorter version of "bonfire" around which the bon dance happens.

I don't dance myself, mainly due to embarassment and the feeling that it's not...quite...necessary, if that makes any sense. Being analytical all the time can be very tiring.

Regardless, I can tell summer festivals are very exciting times meant to be enjoyed with friends and fellow festival goers. Maybe someday I'll go to one, who knows.

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by Koir

Sounds exciting, Yuri. I have some knowledge of yukata and bon dances from many hours spent watching anime (of course). Specifically "Toradora" and "Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu". I'm guessing from those examples "bon" is the shorter version of "bonfire" around which the bon dance happens.

Hi, Koir. Thanks as always.
Actually, bon is not from bonfire. It’s a Japanese word. Wikipedia says, “Bon is a Japanese Buddhist custom to honor the departed (deceased) spirits of one's ancestors.”
Originally, we do some ritual things on bon day which is August 15th. The most important thing is going to the ancestors’ grave and cleaning it. For this reason, most people have a paid day off on the day. I think I need to write a post about bon next.

I don't dance myself, mainly due to embarassment and the feeling that it's not...quite...necessary, if that makes any sense. Being analytical all the time can be very tiring.

Most Japanese boys or young men don’t bon dancing due to embarrassment too. They seem to prefer looking girls in yukata.

Regardless, I can tell summer festivals are very exciting times meant to be enjoyed with friends and fellow festival goers. Maybe someday I'll go to one, who knows.

One of my friends said her hometown is very far from the town she lives now, so she will go to her hometown on bon, and go to bon dancing to find a good man to marry. She is really excited. I wish her good luck.

Thanks again, Koir.

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi, Koir. Thanks as always.
Actually, bon is not from bonfire. It’s a Japanese word. Wikipedia says, “Bon is a Japanese Buddhist custom to honor the departed (deceased) spirits of one's ancestors.”

I knew I was reaching for an incorrect meaning. Mainly so it could be corrected, and my understanding improved.

Originally, we do some ritual things on bon day which is August 15th. The most important thing is going to the ancestors’ grave and cleaning it. For this reason, most people have a paid day off on the day. I think I need to write a post about bon next.

I await that post

Most Japanese boys or young men don’t bon dancing due to embarrassment too. They seem to prefer looking girls in yukata.

No argument here, Yuri. We men are visual animals until we learn that women are more than a pretty face and attractive clothing.

One of my friends said her hometown is very far from the town she lives now, so she will go to her hometown on bon, and go to bon dancing to find a good man to marry. She is really excited. I wish her good luck.

I wish her luck as well, along with fortune and a kind husband.

[KyleGoetz]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi.
Could you correct my English?

"Bon Dance Event"

I went to a bon dance remove: event today. It is a festival that is held by remove: a neighborhood communities during summer at night, and people dance [color="red"]the[color] bon dance there.

If you go bon dancing, you should wear a yukata, which is similar to a kimono, but it is very thin and not remove: a formal clothing. If you have stayed in a Japanese style hotel called a ryokan, you might have worn one. They have yukata, and customers put them on to be relaxed. They are used as a bathrobe and pajama.

Anyway, I used to enjoy bon dancing. When I was an elementary school student, I made a promise with friends to go to bon dancing every year. I was really looking forward to going to the festival.
I put on yukata on the day. My mother gave me some money. I bought some food at a yatai (a stall that is open only during remove: a festivals), and ate it with friends.
And then, we danced in line.
After becoming an adult and before getting married, I had lessons of Japanese classical dancing. So we danced bon dancing as a good example in matching yukata.
I have heard people dance bon dancing in many other countries now. If you see people dancing, please try. It is very easy and simple.

There you go.

Explanation of (some) edits:

1. "Bon dance event"--this is optional. I would just call it a "bon dance," but I can see other natives preferring "bon dance event" if they mean to emphasize that it's more than just a bon dance that occurred.

2. BIG NOTE: There is a lot of confusion about "that" and "which"--even among native English speakers. Technically speaking, there is a difference. Here is an example first:

The automobile that is in my garage is red.
The automobile, which is in my garage, is red.

The first "in my garage" is restrictive because of the "that"--it means something like "As opposed to the other automobiles, the one in my garage is red." The second "in my garage" is not restrictive because of the "which"--it basically gives additional informationa bout the only car we're talking about. It says "The automobile is red. Oh, by the way, it's in my garage, too."

This is sort of a high-level rule in English that a LOT of native English speakers do not follow, but nonetheless it separates good from poor writing.

Note then that there are two patterns with commas ("that" doesn't use them; "which" does):
A that B blah blah.
A, which B, blah blah.
Note the example above about the red automobiles to see better what I mean.

3. I added the "a" before "yukata." This is sort of a stylistic choice when translating Japanese concepts to English and keeping the Japanese words. However, I think generally if you say "I own kimono" it sounds like you own more than one, while "I own a kimono" sounds like just one. This is like in English, "I own fish" means you have more than one, but "I own a fish" sounds like just one. The same goes for my ryokan edit.

4. A note about contractions (it's, they're, we're, etc.)
First (and I didn't notice this mistake, but I'm mentioning it anyway), the special exception to the plural rule is that when you want to say something belongs to "it," you say "its," not "it's." This is the exception to the 's rule. "It's" ALWAYS means "it is."

However, the main point I wanted to make is that in formal writing in English, you should NEVER use contractions. For example, you do not use "don't" in formal writing. Always use "do not." The same goes for "he's" for "he is" and other similar words.

Any other questions about my edits?

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by KyleGoetz

2. BIG NOTE: There is a lot of confusion about "that" and "which"--even among native English speakers. Technically speaking, there is a difference. Here is an example first:

The automobile that is in my garage is red.
The automobile, which is in my garage, is red.

Hi. Thanks, KyleGoetz. I’m sorry, I’m late.

I’ve never noticed this difference. Thank you.
Your explanation is very clear to understand.
Reading the two sentences, I thought of two Japanese sentences.
“Something ga ….” and “Something wa …”
They are well known as one of the most difficult differences of Japanese sentences to understand to foreign people learning Japanese.
In this case, the sentence with that sounds like ga-sentence, and which’s sounds like wa-sentence.
I think I’ve seen the difference. Thank you.

3. I added the "a" before "yukata." This is sort of a stylistic choice when translating Japanese concepts to English and keeping the Japanese words. However, I think generally if you say "I own kimono" it sounds like you own more than one, while "I own a kimono" sounds like just one. This is like in English, "I own fish" means you have more than one, but "I own a fish" sounds like just one. The same goes for my ryokan edit.

I have an aversion to add a or s when I write Japanese words. I will try to add a.

However, the main point I wanted to make is that in formal writing in English, you should NEVER use contractions. For example, you do not use "don't" in formal writing. Always use "do not." The same goes for "he's" for "he is" and other similar words.

I’ve never thought my posts were formal. I will try to make my posts formal from now on.
Thank you very much, KyleGoetz.

[YuriTokoro]

Hi.
Could you correct my English?

"Bon/Obon : Augusut 8, 2009"

Bon/Obon is a Japanese Buddhist custom for the spirits of ancestors. That’s around August 15 in many areas in Japan.
The main custom of Obon is going to the graves of the ancestors, but the others depend on the areas.
In many areas, they make a horse and a cow called “shouryouuma” with a cucumber and an eggplant to welcome the ancestors. Shouryou means spirit, and uma means horse. They are spirits’ conveyances between the afterworld and this world. The cucumber means a horse which runs fast, and the spirits use it when they come, wishing they get to this world at an early hour. The eggplant means a cow which goes slow, wishing they go back to the afterworld late.
However, there are many people who don’t go to the graves or do the ceremonies. They go out for a trip because many companies are closed around bon, and they think it’s very good opportunity to go out for a trip.
Almost 50,000 people departed from Narita Airport today. Like Golden Week, all leisure venues and almost all Shinkansen trains are full of people. Expressways are full of cars, and plane tickets are more expensive during bon.
You should avoid Bon when you come to Japan, like Golden Week.

Thank you.
Bon Festival - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Nathan]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

"Bon/Obon : August 8, 2009"

Obon, also known as Bon, is a Japanese Buddhist custom for the spirits of our ancestors. It is held around August 15 in many areas in Japan.

I would modify it even further:
It is held around August 15 across Japan.

"Across Japan" means that the festival is celebrated in many different places in Japan.

The main custom of Obon is visiting the graves of our ancestors, but after that it depends on the area.

In many areas, they make a horse and a cow called “shouryouuma” with a cucumber and an eggplant to welcome the ancestors. 'Shouryou' means spirit, and 'uma' means horse. They are the spirits’ conveyances between the afterworld and this world.

The cucumber means a horse which runs fast, and the spirits use it when they come, wishing they get to this world at an early hour. The eggplant means a cow which goes slow, wishing they go back to the afterworld late.

We know that a horse is fast, and that cows are slow, so you can leave that information out.

I would write these two sentences like this:

The cucumber, representing the horse, is used by the spirits to arrive quickly. The eggplant, representing the cow, slows the spirits' return to the afterworld. This lets the spirits maximize their time with us.

However, there are many people who don’t visit the graves or participate in the ceremonies. They go on a a trip because many companies are closed around Bon, and they think it’s very good opportunity.

"and they think it’s very good opportunity" could be rewritten:
and they take advantage of this opportunity

Almost 50,000 people departed from Narita Airport today. Like Golden Week, all leisure venues and almost all Shinkansen trains are full of people. Expressways are full of cars, and plane tickets are more expensive during bon.
You should avoid coming to Japan during Bon.

Thank you.
Bon Festival - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi.
Could you correct my English?

"Bon/Obon : Augusut 8, 2009"

Bon (or Obon) is a Japanese Buddhist custom concerning the spirits of ancestors. It takes place around August 15 in many areas all over Japan.
The main custom of Obon is visiting the graves of the ancestors, but customs vary by area.
In many areas, they make a horse and a cow called “shouryouuma” with a cucumber and an eggplant to welcome the ancestors. Shouryou means spirit, and uma means horse. They are the spirits’ conveyances between our world and the afterworld. The cucumber represents a fast-running horse; the spirits use it in their journey to arrive in our world early. The eggplant represents a slow-moving cow; the spirits use it to travel back to their world late.
However, there are many people who don’t visit the graves or participate in the ceremonies. They go out for a trip because many companies are closed around bon, and they only think of it as a day trip.
Almost 50,000 people departed from Narita Airport today. Like Golden Week, all leisure venues and almost all Shinkansen trains are full of people. Expressways are full of cars, and plane tickets are more expensive during bon.
You should avoid Bon when you come to Japan for the same reasons as Golden Week.

Thank you.
Bon Festival - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Not very many changes needed, Yuri. The main revision was with the explanation of the horse and cow. I changed the sentences so both had the same general structure (compound sentences with a semi-colon) to make it read more naturally. The concepts can be understood and remembered more easily by readers because the sentences are essentially identical and only differ in the symbols and explanations (fast horse, slow cow).

It wass a very good idea to connect travel advice between Bon/Obon and Golden Week, as it gives readers an opportunity to reference your earlier posts to the current one. This expands their understanding and keeps their interest in future posts that may have the same advice for them.

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by Nathan

I would modify it even further:
It is held around August 15 across Japan.

"Across Japan" means that the festival is celebrated in many different places in Japan.

Hi, Nathan. Thank you very much.
“Across Japan” sounds very useful.
However, my dictionary says, “When something happens across a place or organization, it happens equally everywhere within it.” Some areas in Japan don’t have bon around August 15. That depends on the area. Don’t I have to be concerned about “equally everywhere”?

The main custom of Obon is visiting the graves of our ancestors, but after that it depends on the area.

When we make a horse and a cow before we visit the graves, can I say “after that”?
Should I say “other customs”?

We know that a horse is fast, and that cows are slow, so you can leave that information out.

I see. I hadn’t known that cows were slow, before I started writing this post and read Wikipedia. Most Japanese people make the horses and the cows without knowing cows are slow. Meanwhile, you know it. I see.

I would write these two sentences like this:
The cucumber, representing the horse, is used by the spirits to arrive quickly. The eggplant, representing the cow, slows the spirits' return to the afterworld. This lets the spirits maximize their time with us.

Thank you! This is what I wanted to say.

"and they think it’s very good opportunity" could be rewritten:
and they take advantage of this opportunity.

“They take advantage of this opportunity.” Sounds exactly. Thank you.

You should avoid coming to Japan during Bon.

There are many expressions I don’t know. Thank you, Nathan.

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by Koir

Not very many changes needed, Yuri. The main revision was with the explanation of the horse and cow. I changed the sentences so both had the same general structure (compound sentences with a semi-colon) to make it read more naturally. The concepts can be understood and remembered more easily by readers because the sentences are essentially identical and only differ in the symbols and explanations (fast horse, slow cow).

It was a very good idea to connect travel advice between Bon/Obon and Golden Week, as it gives readers an opportunity to reference your earlier posts to the current one. This expands their understanding and keeps their interest in future posts that may have the same advice for them.

Koir, thanks for the great revision and great advice as always.

I have one question.
Does “a day trip” mean single-day?
Many people go abroad for five or nine days. What can I say in that case?
Do I need to write their trips last up to nine days?
How about this? : “Almost 50,000 people departed from Narita Airport today, and they stay abroad about a week.”
Thanks.