English Native Speakers, Please Help!

masaegu · (#1 (**permalink**))

Could someone correct the following sentence? Any corrections will be appreciated. I'm most unsure about the 'monopolizing the eyes' part. Would an English speaker say that? Thanks in advance!

"I long to be a player like him, who can influence others and who can monopolize the eyes of the fans."

QuoyaNatsume · (#2 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by masaegu

Could someone correct the following sentence? Any corrections will be appreciated. I'm most unsure about the 'monopolizing the eyes' part. Would an English speaker say that? Thanks in advance!

"I long to be a player like him, who can influence others and who can monopolize the eyes of the fans."

"I long to be a good player like he is, who influences other people and who is an idol(or role model) in the eyes of his fans."

Monopolizing means to assume complete control or possesion of someone, and would sound a little weird to whoever reads the sentence

masaegu · (#3 (**permalink**))

Thank you, Natsume-san, for the quick reply! I really appreciate your help.

onexsoul · (#4 (**permalink**))

I long to be a player like him, who can influence others and who can monopolize the eyes of the fans."

I long to be like him, he who can influence others and can monopolize (?) the eyes of his admirers.

i think that sounds kooler ^^ and better ^^

Slykaz1 · (#5 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by masaegu

"I long to be a player like him, who can influence others and who can monopolize the eyes of the fans."

Try posses

MMM · (#6 (**permalink**))

"monopolize" tends to have a negative meaning.

You cannot really "monopolize eyes" but can "monopolize attention"

masaegu · (#7 (**permalink**))

Thank you so much everyone! *bows* I'm glad I asked for the help!

Devan · (#8 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by masaegu

Could someone correct the following sentence? Any corrections will be appreciated. I'm most unsure about the 'monopolizing the eyes' part. Would an English speaker say that? Thanks in advance!

"I long to be a player like him, who can influence others and who can monopolize the eyes of the fans."

I'd say something like, "I'm going to be a player like him, who can influence other's and control their eyes."

see, because to me, the first part was too formal for a fluent speaker of English. the influence others part was middle ways, and the monopolize part is, yes, a strong word but too formal again. hoped I helped!!!! >_<

Mianna · (#9 (**permalink**))

can i ask where this scentence came from? was it ina book maybe?

Slykaz1 · (#10 (**permalink**))

Doesn't your software have grammer? Mine does and I hate it.