Looking for friends on a forum

[GoNative]

I was bored and so had a little look at the Looking for friends ads section. Now is it just me or does anyone else also find it a little weird people look for friends online? Maybe it's just because I'm old and when I grew up (before there were home computers and the internet) if you wanted to make friends well you actually went out and met people. You didn't sit behind a computer searching friendships with people, most of whom you're unlikely to ever meet, online.

Of course by participating in these forums myself I realise in a sense I'm interacting with people I'm never likely to meet as well but I'm not actually looking to make friends as such. I just enjoy discussing Japan based issues because I live here and sure I will get to know some people a bit over my time here. I'm able to still get some social interaction even whilst sitting at home and discuss issues that I don't have time to do with collegues during my day at work. Still I don't expect to really make good friends as such and can't really imagine myself attempting to do so in an online environment.

I do frequent a few other forums, mostly ones based around snowsports and since I work at one of the most popular ski resorts in Japan I have actually met up with people I've met online who have come here for ski holidays (quite a few I have helped organise their accommodation whilst here). But I certainly wouldn't have considered them friends until meeting them personally and most of the time not even then. And I certainly wasn't relying on the forums to meet people, it was just incidental that they were coming over and they knew I lived here so we met up for a drink or a ski.

Are people looking for friends online mostly those who have few real friends or are socially awkward or isolated where they live?
As I say I'm old so maybe I just don't get it.

[KungMartin]

lol dude I'm with u one this one. I thought the "looking for friends" section was kinda.. wtf?

But I guess some people actually meet up, if they live in the same area, if u get what I mean. But that's like a minority I bet, so I can't really say ur way off track=P

[Suki]

Certainly a forum is not the best of places to make bonds of friendship. I guess the right word would be "contacts", rather than friends. It's like Facebook. On my Facebook page it says I have over 250 friends, but the truth is they're hardly friends of mine. Most of them are classmates I see everyday and have crossed a few words but never really gotten to know each other. I guess that is how that section works. They exchange addies and chat on msn but that's the furthest it will go. But hey, whatever works for them.

[Jaydelart]

I'm here to find my soulmate...



No, just kidding.

I think a lot of people can relate to your post, GoNative. There are people who rely on the net for dating and/or for the sole intention of making friends - which I never really understood - but even then, I would assume that ratio wasn't as major as would be implied.

I understand you're older than me ... maybe by 15-20 years, from my guess (lol)... but the approach that you've described sounds considerably similar to mine, with a few differences or notable details: (1) My social life is crap, at the moment... not entirely by choice, but primarily because I've been so busy. (2) Although, I may not necessarily be here to make friends, I wouldn't close myself to the possibility of it; and it'd never hurt to be friendly. (3) I easily consider people my friends. I would call a number of people here my friends. However, I categorize my "friends" according to trust. Which, naturally puts any friends I happen to make online, at the bottom of that list ~ nevertheless, being friends.


I enjoy... having something to do, and I usually come here when I'm bored. One thing I've learned is that people are hard to predict. I'm fascinated by the study of psychology, and as I continue to explore further into that field, the fact yet still remains that people can be unpredictable, despite all the incredible information that has been gathered on them. This subsequently makes life, for us, unpredictable. In which regard, I wouldn't confidently look down on the potential to meet genuinely great people on the internet whom you could develope some kind of bond with.

The odds are unlikely, and there many dangers out there... but it's not impossible, of course.

Originally Posted by Suki

Certainly a forum is not the best of places to make bonds of friendship. I guess the right word would be "contacts", rather than friends. It's like Facebook. On my Facebook page it says I have over 250 friends, but the truth is they're hardly friends of mine. Most of them are classmates I see everyday and have crossed a few words but never really gotten to know each other. I guess that is how that section works. They exchange addies and chat on msn but that's the furthest it will go. But hey, whatever works for them.

I know what you mean. Though, I only have about 35 friends on FB, most of which are relatives of mine. lol

I noticed my brother had around 350 friends on his account. When he logged on, it said 48 of his friends were online on the chat... after briefly checking his account, he got ready to log off. I asked him why he didn't chat with any of them, and he replied, "Well, they're not all people that I really talk to; I just know them at school."

[HikoSeijuro]

I'm not socially awkward but haven't been outside for about 5 years. The sun is so bright. I do have one weird trait and that is that I won't open the door more than 2.5 feet when the delivery guy brings me food but you know he might have a sickness.

I don't think looking for friends online is weird and plus sometimes you can start dating them and maybe even see them on webcam (but that's only when it gets serious though).

This one girl though turned out to be a dude though and it was weird at first but now we just play Halo against each other.
_______________________________

Seriously...like Chris Rock says (famous comedian in USA) ..you'll be lucky to have 6 friends in your entire life. Like others have pointed out .. most people have what is known as "acquaintances". So where is the best place to find friends?? Who knows..some the bar..some the club..some school..some work..some online.

Remember though: People judge ALL the time..people judge Celebrities very harshly and these are people who are professional musicians, sports stars, and politicans (who are often lawyers). So if THESE people are judged harshly and called "idiots" or "losers" what hopes do the rest of us have?

[ModusOperandi]

Several reasons for each individual; but, I'd imagine it's mainly for the purpose of broadening one's exposure. The net opens up an entire world to people that would have otherwise been impossible/difficult to attain.
It also brings people with similar interests together and that, in turn, can lead to some sort of friendship.

It all depends on what the term "friend" means to you in the first place.
I've had people I can't even recall their names introduce me to others as "their friend" when I wouldn't even pit them anywhere near that.