Letter help

[SSJup81]

Hey everyone, as I mentioned in the other topic, I'm writing a letter. Nagoyankee helped me a little already, and I highly appreciate it. ^_^

Here's what I've written. I would like it if someone could correct me with anything I might have wrong and it wouldn't surprise me if I did. lol

今日は鶴見さん。 ここはウエンデイエッリサメックブライドです。鶴見さ んのクリスマスと正月と黄金週間はナイスでしたか？ 栃木は快晴しますか？ 御無沙汰しておりますがお元気でいらっしゃいますか？ 私は元気です。今私は日本語を勉強していますそしてこ の手紙を書いています。勉強と仕事で忙しいかったんで す。 私の仕事は準教員です。 あの仕事は面白いですが楽しです だからこの秋私はJETを掛けます。

Konnichiwa Tsurumi-san. Koko wa Uendei Errisa Mekkuburaido desu. Tsurumi-san no KURISUMASU to shougatsu to Ougon Shuukan wa NAISU deshitaka? Tochigi wa kaisei shimasuka? Gobusata shite orimasu ga o-genki de irasshaimasu ka? Watashi wa genki desu. Ima watashi wa Nihongo o benkyou shiteimasu soshite kono tegami o kaiteimasu. Benkyou to shigoto de isogashiikattandesu. Watashi no shigoto wa jyunkyouin desu. Ano shigoto wa omoshiroi desu ga tanoshii desu dakara kono aki watashi wa JET o kakemasu.

I know that there's a rule for using both omoshiroi and tanoshii in the same sentence, but I just can't remember what it is. I just know it has something to do with using te on the first adjective. I think I'm supposed to use "kute". Is it supposed to be "omoshirokute tanoshii desu" or something like that?

Thanks to anyone who looks over this.

[Nagoyankee]

Originally Posted by SSJup81

今日は鶴見さん。 ここはウエンデイエッリサメックブライドです。鶴見さんのクリスマスと正月と黄金週間はナイスでしたか？ 栃木は快晴しますか？ 御無沙汰しておりますがお元気でいらっしゃいますか？ 私は元気です。今私は日本語を勉強していますそしてこ の手紙を書いています。勉強と仕事で忙しいかったんです。 私の仕事は準教員です。 あの仕事は面白いですが楽しです だからこの秋私はJETを掛けます。

If I may go....

鶴見さんこんにちは. Avoid the other way around if you want to sound natural. Also careful writers don't write こんにちは in kanji. We are taught to read 今日は as きょうは = Today is... So it doesn't even mean 'hello'.

Omit ここは. Construct this sentence "your name + です" with nothing else.　

Your name should be ウェンディ・エリッサ・マクブライド. This may already be perfect, but to make sure it is, I need to see your name. You need those dots.

We don't often use 黄金週間, but I can't say this is a mistake. You will probably look somewhat strange, though. We use ゴールデンウィーク instead.

ナイスでしたか sounds pretty funny. Unless you're trying to make Tsurumi-san laugh here, I would use　いかがでしたか (how was..). Learn this いかが, a higher word for どう. In letters, Japanese people expect to see much nicer words than in oral conversations.

Put a comma after 勉強しています.


栃木は快晴しますか is plain wrong on a multiple count. How about 栃木のお天気はいかがですか for "How is the weather in Tochigi?". You will always sound better to the Japanese ears if you ask "how is...." than to ask " is .... good?".

Omit い　from　忙しいかった.

Change あの　to この.

面白いですが楽しです >> 面白く楽しいです.

Change だから　to　ですから.　　だから sounds more immature than you would think in writing.

JETを掛けます << I don't understand this so it must be changed. If you are trying to say something like "I'm applying for JET", then say "JET　に応募します".

[james1254]

are formal letters not written in this format (or something like this)?

Nameさんへ
お元気ですか

Content

それでは、お元気でさようなら。
　
Yournameより


could you clarify this for me nagoyankee? (and what stuff is wrong about it)

[Nagoyankee]

As you know, james1254, there are many degrees of formality that one can use in letter writing as in any other forms of verbal communication. It's never just "formal and informal".

You may have heard somewhere that the format you mentioned above was 'formal'. To most Japanese including myself, it wouldn't look too formal. In fact, it looks to be more on the informal side. It may certainly not be the style used between two teenage best buddies in letter writing (even if they actually write letters). But you cannot use that format in business or legal correspondence. That will be out of the question.

In formal letter writing, there are many phrases which are used only in letter writing. A letter usually begins with 拝啓　（はいけい） and ends with 敬具　（けいぐ）. Immediately after saying 拝啓, you are expected to write a lengthy sentence or two describing the recent changes in nature (about plants, weather, seasonal events, etc). You don't just say "summer", but you must say what part of summer (early-summer, mid-summer, etc.). All this has nothing to do with the content of the letter. It's just a custom of an older country. Then you go on to ask how the other person and his family are doing.

Only after that, you get to the real content, which is generally kept short. Believe it or not, it's perfectly ok if it's shorter than the seasonal greeting.

Then again, you need to write a lengthy good-bye wishing the other person's well-being (e.g. despite the high humidity).

The formal letter writing, therefore, is highly stylized in Japan. There is no room for being creative. You can skip reading the first and last paragraphs and you will still know exactly what the letter was about.

I don't know if you're a teenager, but if you are you won't have to worry about writing these very formal letters anytime soon. That お元気ですか-それではお元気で format will work in most cases with your friends and their families.

[james1254]

ok thanks and yes i am a teenager

[SSJup81]

Thanks a lot for the help, Nagoyankee. I had no idea that using "dakara" in letter writing of any kind was considered immature. I just thought it was normal. lol I'm learning a lot here, especially ikaga. I'll try my best to remember that.

I'm going to close this small letter now, and I have another quick question. I was going to say...

お返事お待ちしております,そしてお体を大切に, けれどあなたの手紙の日本語を書いてください。
O-henji o-machi shite orimasu, soshite, okarada o taisetsu ni, keredo, anata no tegami no nihongo o kaite kudasai.

Oh, one more thing. For Golden Week, how exactly did you write out "week". I can't figure out how you got a small "ィ" for it. What would the romaji spelling of that be?

[Nagoyankee]

「お返事お待ちしております,そしてお体を大切に, だけどあなたの手紙の日本語を書いてください。」

That looks pretty good. Like the word だから I mentioned earlier, the word だけど sounds highly colloquial, too. The bigger mistake would be the use of あなた. I know you just translated 'you' into Japanese. But we rarely say it. We use the other person's name + san. 書いてください could sound a little demanding so I will change that, too.

I would re-write it to:

「お身体を大切に。お返事お待ちしております。鶴見さ んのお手紙もぜひ日本語でお願いいたします。」

It may look as if I changed everything, but I really didn't.

To get the word ウィーク, you only need to type WIーKU on the Japanese input mode.

[SSJup81]

Thanks once again, but I'm having trouble with the last part there, only because I'm unfamiliar with the word and wondering if I'm doing the romaji part of it right.

I'm getting for (お願いいたします)... o-ganiitashimasu. Mind correcting me here if my romaji is off.

I only do the romaji too just in case the character don't show up right.

[Nagoyankee]

お願いいたします　＞　おねがいいたします onegai itashimasu

願う　（ねがう） = to wish, to hope, to pray

It's a VERY useful verb!

[SSJup81]

Oh!! Okay. Thanks a lot!! You don't know how helpful you've been. I'll stop buggin' ya now.