My second Japanese Paper

[Befron]

Here is another paper I wrote about my day. I want to keep them short until I know better what i am doing. Please proofread and criticize. Feel free to be harsh, I really don't mind. Sorry it's so big, I am having trouble trying to find good dimensions.

[Nathan]

You're switching between informal and formal styles within the first couple sentences. It's generally best to just stick with one style.

If you wanted to stick with informal, you still missed the small "つ"
今日、雨が降った
Formal
今日、雨が降りました。

私は外に？みませんでした。

I can't read the character where I put the ?
But if you want to say you didn't do anything outside:
私は外に何もしませんでした。


The next couple sentences have a few particle errors, and really could be combined into one sentence.

「DEATH NOTE」がちょうと読みました。音楽もっとが演奏する。

You have written in the past tense in the first sentence, and present (and casual) in the second.

ちょうと　→　ちょっと

「DEATH NOTE」をちょっと読みました。

As for もっと, it really means "more", not "also". That belongs to も. And it would replace the が、not be placed next to it.

I'm not so sure えんそうする is really the proper verb for this. I'm more inclined towards 弾く(ひく）, but I think you need to have the instrument for that. Regardless, it should be 演奏しました.

As I said earlier, it would look better as a single sentence.

「DEATH NOTE」をちょっと読んで、音楽を演奏しました。
(I read a little DEATH NOTE, and played music).

**I think ちょっと sounds better when placed in front of the DEATH NOTE, but I'm not sure its correct, so I didn't put it there.**

これが全部です。私もっとは言えません。

The [これが全部です] doesn't ring right with me, I don't know how it should be said properly. But I will say you should have それ　instead of これ。

私は何も言えません。
I cannot say any more.

[MrDrEsq]

are you taking japanese in school?
本日 is for stuff like "today's special". usage here is not appropriate. use 今日 and stick to it for a while, you know, until you start writing about the pan seared ahi tuna steaks.

if it were me i wouldn't have been reading deathnote, but pretending i did, and pretending i was pretending to be you, this is what i would write:
今日は雨がざあざあ降ってきたから、外で何もしていな かった。代わりに、たくさんの『deathnote』というまんが を読んだり、ギターでブルース曲を弾いたりしていた。 それで，終わり。
because it rained to day, i didn't to anything outside. Instead i did things like reading a lot of deathnote and playing music (i assumed you meant on the guitar, and i assumed you were playing the blues since it was raining). the end.

since it's you and this is probably for class:
今日は雨でした。外で何もしませんでした。たくさんの deathnoteを読みました。音楽をひきました。終わります。

your orthography is probably the least of your concerns particularly for kanji like ensou. my advice would be to get your particles down.
anyway, glad you posted

[Hatredcopter]

The fellows above me have covered most of the problems, but because I have some sort of mild OCD, I can't help but feel compelled to show you this image ():



That, in case you didn't pick it up, it's hiragana 're'.

[Befron]

Nathan- Yeah, thanks for catching that, the tense thing with suru was a stupid mistake. I meant to write shimashita. That doesn't really make sense the way I had it. I always get tsu and u confused. which cause the motto problem. and then the o instead of ka after death note because it's an object, not subject. I agree with you about the last sentence, I couldn't think of a better way to phrase it with my limited knowledge of the language though.

MrDrEsq- I understand the reasoning behind the today thing, thanks. No, I am just doing this for fun, really, no sarcasm. I enjoy learning this. And really, no sarcasm I promise. I just don't want you to take it like "no I really enjoy writing papers." Because in this case, I really do. Unfortunately, I can't find a local Japanese school. Good guess, I was play blues, but on piano, but I do that everyday. Rain or shine.

HatreCopter- That's not OCD, I feel the same way every time I write this syllable. Thanks a lot, I was looking for a site like that for at least 30 minutes last night. Where did you find that?