Reading a Japanese story~

[Columbine]

Originally Posted by Sashimister

I'll drink to that. Too bad it may be too early where you are.

I'm British and i live in the いなか. It's never too early.

[Columbine]

Part Six:

５１）彼等はその年老いた母と一緒に、三人で此所に来 て居た。
They had come to this place as a trio along with an elderly lady.

５２）いろいろな反覆する機会からして、避けがたく私 はその女づれと懇意になつた。
Through various reoccurring chances, the hard-to-avoid me and those girls got to know one another. (yeah, definitely got confused on this one. I assumed 避けがたく was modifying 私）

５３）遂には姉娘と私だけで、森の中を散歩するやうな 仲にもなつた。
Finally, I and the elder sister alone, came to have a relation like walking through a forest.　

５４）その年上の女は、明らかに私に恋をして居た。彼 女はいつも、私のことを『若様』と呼んだ。
It was obvious that this somewhat older girl was in love with me. She always called me “young master”.

５５）私は最初、女の無邪気な意地悪から、悪戯に言ふ のだと思つたので、故意（わざ）と勿体ぶつた様子など して、さも貴族らしく返事をした。From the outset I had, from her innocent mischief and because I thought she was talking teasingly, purposefully done things such as put on airs and in that way answered her in the manner of an aristocrat.

５６）だが或る時、彼女は真面目になつて話をした。
However, now and then she would become earnest and talk.

５７）ずつと前から、自分は一高の運動会やその他の機 会で、秋元子爵の令息をよく知つてること。

Since a long time before, I had, though Tokyo University athletic meets and other circumstances, known of Count Akimoto’s son.　(I, or she? I wasn't certain about that 自分).

５８）そして私こそ、たしかにその当人にちがひなく、 どんなにしらばくれて隠してゐても、自分には解つてる といふことを、女の強い確信で主張した。　And I, who was certainly not this person, no matter how much I feigned ignorance to hide it, she came to a conclusion by herself and insisted upon it with firm conviction.

５９）その強い確信は、私のどんな弁駁でも、撤回させ ることができなかつた。しまひには仕方がなく、私の方 でも好加減に、華族の息子としてふるまつて居た。
No matter what rebuttal I made, I was unable to make her give this strong conviction up. Having no other way with the sisters, and with their degree of liking for me, I behaved as though I were the son of some nobility.

６０）最後の日が迫つて来た。
Then came the final day.
かなかな蝉の鳴いてる森の小路で、夏の夕景を背に浴び ながら、女はそつと私に近づき、胸の秘密を打ち明けよ うとする様子が見えた。
On the small paths of the cicada ringing forest, basking in the summer twilight, the girl my quiet acquaintance, it seemed like I could open up completely and speak my heart’s secret.

[Sashimister]

I think I can take a look at Part 6 in a few hours if no one has done so by then.

Right now I'm just letting you know that I've found the actual recitation of the piece by who seems to be a pro in case you're interested. It will at least show you how the old kana should be pronounced if nothing else.

萩原朔太郎「夏帽子」朗読：岡崎ちか子: "朗読の森"をお散歩。。

[Sashimister]

５１）彼等はその年老いた母と一緒に、三人で此所に来 て居た。
They had come to this place as a trio along with an elderly lady.

"Mother" instead of "lady"?

５２）いろいろな反覆する機会からして、避けがたく私 はその女づれと懇意になつた。
Through various reoccurring chances, the hard-to-avoid me and those girls got to know one another. (yeah, definitely got confused on this one. I assumed 避けがたく was modifying 私）

避けがたく modifies 懇意になつた. ", I unavoidably got acquainted with the girls."

Adjctives ending in く can only modify verbs.

５３）遂には姉娘と私だけで、森の中を散歩するやうな 仲にもなつた。
Finally, I and the elder sister alone, came to have a relation like walking through a forest.　

"relation like walking through a forest"?

Maybe something like "got close enough to take walks through the forest by ourselves"?

５４）その年上の女は、明らかに私に恋をして居た。彼 女はいつも、私のことを『若様』と呼んだ。
It was obvious that this somewhat older girl was in love with me. She always called me “young master”.
Good.

５５）私は最初、女の無邪気な意地悪から、悪戯に言ふ のだと思つたので、故意（わざ）と勿体ぶつた様子など して、さも貴族らしく返事をした。From the outset I had, from her innocent mischief and because I thought she was talking teasingly, purposefully done things such as put on airs and in that way answered her in the manner of an aristocrat.

Not sure if you got the structure. The first half of the sentence refers to the fact that she was calling him young master.

"First, I thought she was just playfully calling me that from her innocent mischief, so I deliberately reacted by putting on airs and replying like an aristotrat."

５６）だが或る時、彼女は真面目になつて話をした。
However, now and then she would become earnest and talk.

"at one time, she talked to me in a serious manner."

５７）ずつと前から、自分は一高の運動会やその他の機 会で、秋元子爵の令息をよく知つてること。

Since a long time before, I had, though Tokyo University athletic meets and other circumstances, known of Count Akimoto’s son.　(I, or she? I wasn't certain about that 自分).

自分 = the girl. 自分 modifies 知つてる. I don't want to start lecturing but 自分 is one of the key words to make your Japanese sound more natural. Seems to me Japanese-learners seldom use it. We use it so many times daily.

I don't think the hero even knows of Count Akimoto's son to begin with.

５８）そして私こそ、たしかにその当人にちがひなく、 どんなにしらばくれて隠してゐても、自分には解つてる といふことを、女の強い確信で主張した。　And I, who was certainly not this person, no matter how much I feigned ignorance to hide it, she came to a conclusion by herself and insisted upon it with firm conviction.

You probably paid too much respect to the original Japanese word order, resulting in a hard-to-follow translated sentence. To me, yours starts off sounding like that "I" is the subject and then it changes to "she" in the middle.

I would do it as "With a woman's firm conviction, she insisted upon knowing that only I could be the person in question even if I would feign ignorance and hide the fact."

５９）その強い確信は、私のどんな弁駁でも、撤回させ ることができなかつた。しまひには仕方がなく、私の方 でも好加減に、華族の息子としてふるまつて居た。
No matter what rebuttal I made, I was unable to make her give this strong conviction up. Having no other way with the sisters, and with their degree of liking for me, I behaved as though I were the son of some nobility.

"with their degree of liking for me"?
好加減に means "halfheartedly", "irresponsibly"

６０）最後の日が迫つて来た。
Then came the final day.
かなかな蝉の鳴いてる森の小路で、夏の夕景を背に浴び ながら、女はそつと私に近づき、胸の秘密を打ち明けよ うとする様子が見えた。
On the small paths of the cicada ringing forest, basking in the summer twilight, the girl my quiet acquaintance, it seemed like I could open up completely and speak my heart’s secret.[/quote]

It's the girl, not the narrator, who looked like she wanted to tell a secret.

[Columbine]

Originally Posted by Sashimister

"Mother" instead of "lady"?

Yeah, I had that down originally, then for some reason I thought it was too weird to have these college aged girls with an 'elderly mother'. I should have just put 'mother' and dropped the 'elderly' bit.

Originally Posted by Sashimister

Adjctives ending in く can only modify verbs.[/color]

That is so useful to know! I have never understood the use of くwith an adjective. My teacher gave us the impression it was just an aesthetics thing and never even mentioned it modified verbs!

Originally Posted by Sashimister

"relation like walking through a forest"?
Maybe something like "got close enough to take walks through the forest by ourselves"?

That pesky やうな again...

Originally Posted by Sashimister

Not sure if you got the structure. The first half of the sentence refers to the fact that she was calling him young master."

You're right, i only half got it. I knew it was related, but didn't quite put it down as being explicitly so.

Originally Posted by Sashimister

自分 = the girl. 自分 modifies 知つてる. I don't want to start lecturing but 自分 is one of the key words to make your Japanese sound more natural. Seems to me Japanese-learners seldom use it. We use it so many times daily.

Ok, i know it's horribly complex and if it's going to be a pain, please don't feel obliged to answer, but how do you tell that 自分 is the girl? Because of the previous sentence? 自分 is a nasty word for Japanese-learners because we're told it means 'yourself, myself' and we're given examples of it using it from our own perspective　（このテブルを自分で作った etc）. Then later you find out it's used to talk about other people, and when other people are talking about third parties, and it's just so muddled people generally stop using it altogether because it's too easy to get it wrong. At least, that's my experience of 自分.

Originally Posted by Sashimister

You probably paid too much respect to the original Japanese word order, resulting in a hard-to-follow translated sentence. To me, yours starts off sounding like that "I" is the subject and then it changes to "she" in the middle.

It's really clunky, i know. I was already aware i'd made a bunch of mistakes in this section, so I stuck to the japanese for this one to at least get the general translation right.

Originally Posted by Sashimister

"with their degree of liking for me"?
好加減に means "halfheartedly", "irresponsibly"

I had dictionary issues on that one... so 私の方でも好加減に、華族の息子としてふるまつて居た would be "even though I did so halfheartedly, I behaved as though I were the son of some nobleman." I'm still a little stuck on しまひには. I think しまひ must be 姉妹 but the には. I ~want~ to put something like "Because of the sisters (conviction), it couldn't be helped, and even though-" but to me には doesn't seem like a 'because'.

Originally Posted by Sashimister

It's the girl, not the narrator, who looked like she wanted to tell a secret.

"On the small paths of the cicada ringing forest, basking in the summer twilight, with the girl my quiet acquaintance, it seemed like she would open up completely and reveal whatever secret was in her heart"?

Well, I did a bit of a lousy job on this one. Only more part to go.
直してくれてありがとうございました、SM−さん。And thank you for the link, that's really nifty!

[Sashimister]

Originally Posted by Columbine

That is so useful to know! I have never understood the use of くwith an adjective. My teacher gave us the impression it was just an aesthetics thing and never even mentioned it modified verbs!

Being a mere Shinjuku wino, I shouldn't be criticizing a teacher but that's never an aesthetic thing. To modify a verb, one has no choice but to conjugate the adjective to end in く. It has nothing to do with aesthetics or personal preference.

Ok, i know it's horribly complex and if it's going to be a pain, please don't feel obliged to answer, but how do you tell that 自分 is the girl? Because of the previous sentence? 自分 is a nasty word for Japanese-learners because we're told it means 'yourself, myself' and we're given examples of it using it from our own perspective　（このテブルを自分で作った etc）. Then later you find out it's used to talk about other people, and when other people are talking about third parties, and it's just so muddled people generally stop using it altogether because it's too easy to get it wrong. At least, that's my experience of 自分.

You can tell that 自分 is the girl from the context. Presumably, the speaker wouldn't attend 一高の運動会 (He lives far from Tokyo) or know well 秋元子爵の令息.

You also need to look at the preceding sentence carefully. だが或る時、彼女は真面目になつて話をした. Its subject is 彼女.

The next sentence (the sentence in question) doesn't have a subject and it isn't even hidden (omitted) as in many Japanese sentences. This is because it's NOT a sentence, so it doesn't have a verb, either. It's only a noun phrase ending in こと.

「ずつと前から、自分は一高の運動会やその他の機 会で、秋元子爵の令息をよく知つてること。」

Think of it this way as one sentence:
だが或る時、彼女は真面目になつて話をした that ずつと前から、自分は一高の運動会やその他の機 会で、秋元子爵の令息をよく知つてる

自分 is a nasty word, I know. One needs patience to learn it. Who it refers to depends on the context.
このテーブルを自分で作った。 me
このテーブルを自分で作ったの？ you
自分でつくるカレーが一番おいしい。 anyone who makes curry
時間がないの。自分でやってよ。 you
えっ？時間ないの？じゃあ自分でやる。 me
スミスは自分の家で仕事をしている。 Smith
窓ガラスを割った人は自分から言いなさい。 whoever that broke the window

One clue would be to carefully look at the verb and think who does/did/will do the action.

I had dictionary issues on that one... so 私の方でも好加減に、華族の息子としてふるまつて居た would be "even though I did so halfheartedly, I behaved as though I were the son of some nobleman."

Exactly.

I'm still a little stuck on しまひには. I think しまひ must be 姉妹 but the には. I ~want~ to put something like "Because of the sisters (conviction), it couldn't be helped, and even though-" but to me には doesn't seem like a 'because'.

Major mistake there. しまひ＝しまい＝ an end. しまひには= at the end, finally.
Had it meant "sisters", the word would have been written in kanji as has already been earlier in the essay.

Have you not heard phrases like 「今日はこれでおしまいにしましょう。= Let's call it a day now.」?

The pronunciation is different between these two words, too.　Highest pitch in red.　
姉妹　＝　しまい
しまい　＝　しまい

"On the small paths of the cicada ringing forest, basking in the summer twilight, with the girl my quiet acquaintance, it seemed like she would open up completely and reveal whatever secret was in her heart"?

Much better but I'm still unsure as to how you got "with the girl my quiet acquaintance".

「かなかな蝉の鳴いてる森の小路で、夏の夕景を背に浴 び ながら、女はそつと私に近づき、胸の秘密を打ち明けよ うとする様子が見えた。」

様子が見えた tells us that what's said here occured only in the speaker's imagination. It was his faint expectation.

"On the small ......... twilight, I was able to see the scene where the girl would come near me quietly and tell me the secret of her heart."

[Columbine]

Hi all, Sorry, I kind of went on an impromptu hiatus.

Thanks for all your help to date, SM-san.

Here's the final part!

６１）私はその長い前から、自分を偽つてゐる苦悩に耐 へなくなつてた。For a long time, I had been having to endure the guilt of my falsehood.

６２）自分は一高の生徒でもなく、況んや貴族の息子で もない。それに図々しく制帽を被り、好い気になつて『 若様』と呼ばれて居る。I wasn’t a University of Tokyo student and I wasn’t the son of a nobleman. More to the point I was wearing this impudent hat and conceitedly being called “young master”.

６３）どんなに弁護して考へても、私は不良少年の典型 であり、彼等と同じ行為をしてゐるのである。Whatever defence I came up with, I seemed like a juvenile delinquent and they would surely think the same.

６４）私は悔恨に耐へなくなつた。そして一夜の中に行 李を調へ、出発しようと考へた。My regret did not go away and I even thought about packing my portmanteau in the middle of the night and leaving.

６５）翌朝早く、私は裏山へ一人で登つた。そこには夏 草が繁つて居り、油蝉が木立に鳴いて居た。私は包から 帽子を出し、双手に握つてむしり切つた。Early the next morning I climbed to Urayama alone. There the grass grew lushly and the big brown cicadas sang in the trees. I took out the concealed hat and with both hands I tore it apart.

６６）麦藁のべりべりと裂ける音が、不思議に悲しく胸 に迫つた。
The sound of the straw splitting and tearing was an oddly sad feeling.

６７）その海老茶色のリボンでさへも、地面の泥にまみ れ、私の下駄に踏みつけられてゐた。
Even that maroon ribbon, smeared with mud from the ground, was trampled down by my shoe.

[Sashimister]

６１）私はその長い前から、自分を偽つてゐる苦悩に耐 へなくなつてた。For a long time, I had been having to endure the guilt of my falsehood.

Good.

６２）自分は一高の生徒でもなく、況んや貴族の息子で もない。それに図々しく制帽を被り、好い気になつて『 若様』と呼ばれて居る。I wasn’t a University of Tokyo student and I wasn’t the son of a nobleman. More to the point I was wearing this impudent hat and conceitedly being called “young master”.

Good. 況んや means "much less" or "let alone".

６３）どんなに弁護して考へても、私は不良少年の典型 であり、彼等と同じ行為をしてゐるのである。Whatever defence I came up with, I seemed like a juvenile delinquent and they would surely think the same.

彼等と同じ行為をしてゐるのである means "I am acting the same way as them (the delinquents)."

６４）私は悔恨に耐へなくなつた。そして一夜の中に行 李を調へ、出発しようと考へた。My regret did not go away and I even thought about packing my portmanteau in the middle of the night and leaving.

Good.

６５）翌朝早く、私は裏山へ一人で登つた。そこには夏 草が繁つて居り、油蝉が木立に鳴いて居た。私は包から 帽子を出し、双手に握つてむしり切つた。Early the next morning I climbed to Urayama alone. There the grass grew lushly and the big brown cicadas sang in the trees. I took out the concealed hat and with both hands I tore it apart.

Good. 裏山 isn't a proper noun. It means "a hill behind (some place, in this case, the hotel)"

６６）麦藁のべりべりと裂ける音が、不思議に悲しく胸 に迫つた。
The sound of the straw splitting and tearing was an oddly sad feeling.

Maybe more like "(the sound of ......) ached my heart in an oddly sad way"

６７）その海老茶色のリボンでさへも、地面の泥にまみ れ、私の下駄に踏みつけられてゐた。
Even that maroon ribbon, smeared with mud from the ground, was trampled down by my shoe.

Great.