I Need Someone to Help Me Understand

StrandedAlien · (#1 (**permalink**))

Hi. My name is Chris.

I would like help understanding my grandmother, who is Japanese.

If someone from Japan could help me understand the Japanese culture, then I would be happy to help them understand the American culture.

I have Asperger's syndrome, which basically means that I have trouble understanding social cues. If I say something rude, then it was probably unintentional. I would like to apologize ahead of time.

tokusatsufan · (#2 (**permalink**))

A 1/4 Japanese autistic eh? You'll tick a few boxes. You shouldn't have trouble finding work!

StrandedAlien · (#3 (**permalink**))

Yup, I'm a 16-year-old, 1/4-Japanese, autistic kid with a giant IQ and no common sense. I've got a weird life, and nothing is ever simple. Still, it works for me.

Nice to meet you, by the way. You're the first person I've talked to on the Japan Forum.

RealJames · (#4 (**permalink**))

picking up social cues is quite fundamentally the principle of Japanese social interaction, much more so than any other culture I've witnessed or heard of,

in other words, tell her you're strange by her standards

StrandedAlien · (#5 (**permalink**))

Sound advice. My grandma lives with us, so I'm sure she has noticed by now that I'm the most eccentric of the grandkids.

Yeah, social interaction is important in every culture (heck, even in the autistic culture), but the Japanese take it too a real extreme.

MMM · (#6 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrandedAlien

but the Japanese take it too a real extreme.

How do you mean?

StrandedAlien · (#7 (**permalink**))

I mean the very heavy reliance on nonverbal communication to regulate social interaction, the distrust of words, the dependence on hints and indirectness to solve problems. These are present in (almost) every culture, but the tatemae/honne distinctions are especially strong in Japan.

RealJames · (#8 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrandedAlien

I mean the very heavy reliance on nonverbal communication to regulate social interaction, the distrust of words, the dependence on hints and indirectness to solve problems. These are present in (almost) every culture, but the tatemae/honne distinctions are especially strong in Japan.

I felt the same way coming here, but then I thought that the one which is extreme is actually the North American bluntness and straightforward manner of communication, most cultures are nearer to the Japanese end of the spectrum...

StrandedAlien · (#9 (**permalink**))

True. You have to remember that I'm not only gaijin (to use the Japanese term), I'm an aspie. Aspies in general take American bluntness to an even further extreme. An aspie might ask their friend "Am I annoying you?" and actually expect a straight answer.

My entire family has strong aspie traits, so this kind of bluntness was not only practiced, but expected. Indirect communication of any kind was nonexistent and was usually interpreted as deceitful, passive-aggressive, or manipulative. At best it was taken to be a sign of low self-esteem. It's taken me a while to realize that most cultures don't behave this way.

RobinMask · (#10 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrandedAlien

Hi. My name is Chris.

I would like help understanding my grandmother, who is Japanese.

If someone from Japan could help me understand the Japanese culture, then I would be happy to help them understand the American culture.

I have Asperger's syndrome, which basically means that I have trouble understanding social cues. If I say something rude, then it was probably unintentional. I would like to apologize ahead of time.

Are you looking to learn about the culture specifically to commuinicate better with your grandmother, or because you also wish to visit/live in Japan?

I ask only because if you're looking to move to Japan I wouldn't have thought you'd have a huge problem. The fact you are a foriegner tends to excuse you from a lot, because of the fact you aren't familiar with the new culture that you'll be a part of, so as long as you're respectful and polite you should get on fine. I haven't yet been to Japan, but - from my experience with other cultures/countries - I can say that, with regards to the Asperger's disorder, you should be somewhat fine . . . I find people from other countries to be more tolerant and patient towards it, mainly because they pass a lot of Asperger's traits off as being "eccentric".

If you're trying to understand your grandmother in specific, then I probably can't help all that much, but other members have been in Japan for a long time and have a good understanding of the culture, a few are even natives to Japan. Either way, hope you find some help and answers, and best of luck to you