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How your prospective Japanese in-laws reacted after you proposed. - 09-07-2008, 11:40 PM

I realize most of our posters here on Japan Forum are single, so it will be interesting if anyone will reply to this post.

I'll go first and tell my story. Believe me, I'll be very interested to hear yours.

My wife is Japanese, born in Osaka. I'm a white American, born here in the U.S.

When I proposed to my wife, of course I was very concerned how her parents would react. I met her parents briefly during my first visit to Japan and was introduced at that time as a "friend." So years later when I proposed to my wife, to which she said, "yes," I imagined her parents were quite suprised.

My prospective mother-in-law, was very postitive. She told my fiancee at the time that she had a good impression of me and supported our decision to marry.

It was my prospective father-in-law that had a problem. Let me emphasize the reaction was never based upon race or nationality. He also said that he liked me personally. It appeared the only objection was that his daughter would live so very far away from him after she would marry me. He didn't try to stop or discourage the engagement, but only became very distraught. He had difficulty sleeping and had even been seen by prospective mother-in-law to be weeping after having a discussion about it.

To make a long story short. We did eventually marry. We visited every year after we married. My Japanese father-in-law even had a chance to see his six-month-old "American born" grandson a month before my father-in-law passed away from cancer.

So for those of you westerners that have married a Japanese lady or man, tell your story. What was the reaction of your Japanese in-laws to be?
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09-08-2008, 12:12 AM

Well, I can see why the father would be concerned. Imagine you give just about your life and time and dedication to someone for them to just run off with a foreigner that they just met as a "friend" its wonderful that you two are in love, but maybe you could have asked her father for his daughters hand in marriage, even if he declined, she would still say yes but at least he would know without getting hit with that type of change in plans from his daughter.


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09-08-2008, 12:34 AM

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Originally Posted by BakaCrisis View Post
Well, I can see why the father would be concerned. Imagine you give just about your life and time and dedication to someone for them to just run off with a foreigner that they just met as a "friend" its wonderful that you two are in love, but maybe you could have asked her father for his daughters hand in marriage, even if he declined, she would still say yes but at least he would know without getting hit with that type of change in plans from his daughter.
馬鹿は本当馬鹿だな



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09-08-2008, 12:39 AM

Can you reply in English? Sorry I can't read Japanese. I am very interested in your reply.

I had to wait for my wife to come home and have her translate for me your response. No, reply is necessary.

Last edited by xceeding : 09-08-2008 at 12:50 AM.
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09-08-2008, 12:44 AM

How am I a fool? If two people are in love what the hell does it matter what the father feels. Im just saying that his plans to marry his daughter could have went smoothly if he at least told the parents before doing so. Love is inseperable


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09-08-2008, 12:48 AM

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Originally Posted by xceeding View Post
Can you reply in English? Sorry I can't read Japanese. I am very interested in your reply.
you shouldn't be xD
i was just talking about baka crisis, lol
haha


well, i'm glad to hear that your marriage went well and hope that your wife's parents or atleast her father isn't taking it too hard.
sorry to hear about your own dad though >.>'

i'm chinese and currently i'm dating a german girl
and i personally hope to marry her someday ^^'



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09-08-2008, 12:49 AM

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Originally Posted by BakaCrisis View Post
How am I a fool? If two people are in love what the hell does it matter what the father feels. Im just saying that his plans to marry his daughter could have went smoothly if he at least told the parents before doing so. Love is inseperable
That's a very romanticized look at the world. I large amount of Japanese women will not marry someone their parents can't agree to. Marriage is more than just two people being in love. It's two families joining each other.

I don't think anything went wrong with his story...are you reading it right?
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09-08-2008, 12:55 AM

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Originally Posted by MMM View Post
That's a very romanticized look at the world. I large amount of Japanese women will not marry someone their parents can't agree to. Marriage is more than just two people being in love. It's two families joining each other.

I don't think anything went wrong with his story...are you reading it right?
Quote:
Originally Posted by yuujirou View Post
馬鹿は本当馬鹿だな
>.<''''''''''''''''



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09-08-2008, 05:44 AM

My story is so different from yours that I doubt I can be of much help...
When my husband and I decided to marry, we went to announce our plans to his parents - fully prepared to lower our heads and beg for their blessings.
They shocked us by responding to our "We have something important we`d like to discuss" with a flippant "Oh, we figured that was what you meant."
There was never any surprise or opposition, and my husband`s mother was quite pleased that he`d found someone on his own. She`d expected to have to go the arranged marriage route because he is so... strange. :P

There have never been any problems - unless you count that mother-in-law didn`t want to let her friends know we were married until we had a ceremony in order to maintain family image. (Which has nothing to do with nationality/race)

Major differences in my case though - I speak fluent Japanese, and we chose to live in Japan not elsewhere.


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09-08-2008, 07:08 AM

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Originally Posted by Nyororin View Post
My story is so different from yours that I doubt I can be of much help...
When my husband and I decided to marry, we went to announce our plans to his parents - fully prepared to lower our heads and beg for their blessings.
They shocked us by responding to our "We have something important we`d like to discuss" with a flippant "Oh, we figured that was what you meant."
There was never any surprise or opposition, and my husband`s mother was quite pleased that he`d found someone on his own. She`d expected to have to go the arranged marriage route because he is so... strange. :P

There have never been any problems - unless you count that mother-in-law didn`t want to let her friends know we were married until we had a ceremony in order to maintain family image. (Which has nothing to do with nationality/race)

Major differences in my case though - I speak fluent Japanese, and we chose to live in Japan not elsewhere.
It's always good to hear of marriages gone well ^_^

Though I don't think the original poster was looking for help as much as sharing personal experiences >.>'''



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