BRANCH: Careers and childraising

[dogsbody70]

well ROBIn if a grand parent has the time and energy to care for the child or children thats fine, but nowadays manyparents takei t for granted that their child's gr parent will look after the child full time.

I Personally feel thats okay but not full time. children are hard work when you get older.

I realise very well that often there is no choice for couples.

Is seems to be the norm to send a young baby to child care. My feeling about that is: that there is no point in having a child if always someone else brings the child/ren up.

I have seen some of these programmes that follow families who work and the stress it gives having to take the child to nursery at unearthly hours. It is not an easy life for the parents-- and do they ever really know their child.?

Yes I am old fashioned-- its my age I guess and growing up without family or love at all.

I was determined that when I had children that I would be there for them-- they still took part in local clubs etc but I felt responsible for the way they behaved.


Many children today are in CARE. Unloved and nobody really wants them. Thats horrid.

I really want children born to have their own family and to have security and love.

for me bringing a child into the world is a great responsibility.


Of course I know that its often Hobson choice. No alternative to child care.

I am not stupid-- I know the practicalitities.

.

really this started because of someone saying that she expected the man to look after the child-- so that she could carry on her own career.


anyway to each his/her own.

[RobinMask]

Originally Posted by dogsbody70

well ROBIn if a grand parent has the time and energy to care for the child or children thats fine, but nowadays manyparents takei t for granted that their child's gr parent will look after the child full time.

I Personally feel thats okay but not full time. children are hard work when you get older.

I realise very well that often there is no choice for couples.

Is seems to be the norm to send a young baby to child care. My feeling about that is: that there is no point in having a child if always someone else brings the child/ren up.

I have seen some of these programmes that follow families who work and the stress it gives having to take the child to nursery at unearthly hours. It is not an easy life for the parents-- and do they ever really know their child.?

Yes I am old fashioned-- its my age I guess and growing up without family or love at all.

I was determined that when I had children that I would be there for them-- they still took part in local clubs etc but I felt responsible for the way they behaved.


Many children today are in CARE. Unloved and nobody really wants them. Thats horrid.

I really want children born to have their own family and to have security and love.

for me bringing a child into the world is a great responsibility.


Of course I know that its often Hobson choice. No alternative to child care.

I am not stupid-- I know the practicalitities.

.

really this started because of someone saying that she expected the man to look after the child-- so that she could carry on her own career.


anyway to each his/her own.

I understand your point, really I do. I agree that it's not fair to give the responsibility of raising a child to another person all the time, whether that person be in a daycare, or a nanny, or a grandparent. That said I think it can be beneficial part-time (and by that I also include during the day/night when a parent works, providing the parent is there for the other 12 hours to watch the child themselves).

My mother was a stay-at-home mom, and yet I still went to nurseries and daycares because it was beneficial to development, and also parents need time to themselves. I do personally object to those obssessive parents whose entire world is 'Little Johnny', and have nothing else to talk about aside from his toilet and eating habits, which is why I think parents need a social life away from the child. . . but even those parents who aren't obssessive need space. Parents need time to relax, to chill out, and to get away from the stress, because parenting is very hard work, and they need time with other adults to keep up-to-date with events and socialise and keep their minds sharp, something hard to do if your entire day is spent watching Sesame Street and not talking with other adults about adult things.

Your last point. . . I think you're referring to Suki, yes? If I'm right what she said was something like 'if I'm busy with my career one day I'd like my husband to watch the kids, and if he's busy one day with his career then I'd do the same for him'. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If both parents are parenting equally and not demanding anything from one another, then there's nothing wrong with that. It's not as though they're abandonning their responsibilities, right?

[File0]

Originally Posted by RobinMask

Your last point. . . I think you're referring to Suki, yes? If I'm right what she said was something like 'if I'm busy with my career one day I'd like my husband to watch the kids, and if he's busy one day with his career then I'd do the same for him'. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If both parents are parenting equally and not demanding anything from one another, then there's nothing wrong with that. It's not as though they're abandonning their responsibilities, right?

From Suki:

Originally Posted by Suki

... Anyway, I can't understaind why someone would choose not to go big in their field cause they'd rather be a housewife. ...

She said some other things too....

[dogsbody70]

Originally Posted by RobinMask

I understand your point, really I do. I agree that it's not fair to give the responsibility of raising a child to another person all the time, whether that person be in a daycare, or a nanny, or a grandparent. That said I think it can be beneficial part-time (and by that I also include during the day/night when a parent works, providing the parent is there for the other 12 hours to watch the child themselves).

My mother was a stay-at-home mom, and yet I still went to nurseries and daycares because it was beneficial to development, and also parents need time to themselves. I do personally object to those obssessive parents whose entire world is 'Little Johnny', and have nothing else to talk about aside from his toilet and eating habits, which is why I think parents need a social life away from the child. . . but even those parents who aren't obssessive need space. Parents need time to relax, to chill out, and to get away from the stress, because parenting is very hard work, and they need time with other adults to keep up-to-date with events and socialise and keep their minds sharp, something hard to do if your entire day is spent watching Sesame Street and not talking with other adults about adult things.

Your last point. . . I think you're referring to Suki, yes? If I'm right what she said was something like 'if I'm busy with my career one day I'd like my husband to watch the kids, and if he's busy one day with his career then I'd do the same for him'. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If both parents are parenting equally and not demanding anything from one another, then there's nothing wrong with that. It's not as though they're abandonning their responsibilities, right?

maybe I misunderstood SUKI. If so I apologise.




Of course parents need SPACE. and to get away from the chores and child talk.

I was able to work from home so I was fortunate. Really its the very early years that concerns me.

I was not apossessive mother-- never having had a mOTHER I just used commonsense and did what I thought was right

Maybe I get hot collared because I was IN CARE plus very involved with others who spent their time IN CARE-- if you could ever call it that. those who were migrated abroad with no choice in the matter.

So perhaps I get OTT in my attitude.


I have helped my family many times with their children-- but would not want to do it full time.

I love the children very much-- and can have so much fun with them, but I get really tired.

I just think it is NOT easy for couples or indeed single parents.

As I spent so much time in Nurseries, foster care and children's homes as a child-- all over the country and in various situations I did not relate at all to any individual neither did i trust anyone.

Of course thsi is not relevant to students who aim to have a good career as on here.


I used to see students who had become pregnant-- offer their unborn child for adoption.

Its so easy to have a child-- for many of us-- but not all as we know because of surrogacy etc etc.

for those who cannot have a child-- they become desperate.


Again I realise this has nothing to do with this thread really, but LIFE can get in the way of our plans- especially for females.


I wish everyone who is working hard for their career-- that they do succeed.

[Suki]

Originally Posted by File0

From Suki:

She said some other things too....

What's so wring with my statement? Being a housewife isn't the same as having an actual job. What big ambitions regarding her "job" can one housewife have? None. Because they can't thrive and become better at what they do cause it doesn't really make a difference. If a woman chooses to be a housewife it's fine, I don't have anything against it, all I'm saying is she shouldn't be pushed to quit her job because society expects her to. And I'm not saying "let all women work hard while men stay home and take care of the kids", what I'm saying is (and I'm quoting Robin this time):

Originally Posted by RobinMask

If I'm right what she said was something like 'if I'm busy with my career one day I'd like my husband to watch the kids, and if he's busy one day with his career then I'd do the same for him'. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If both parents are parenting equally and not demanding anything from one another, then there's nothing wrong with that. It's not as though they're abandonning their responsibilities, right?

Originally Posted by dogsbody70

really this started because of someone saying that she expected the man to look after the child-- so that she could carry on her own career.

I never said anything resembling that. Get over it.

[dogsbody70]

Originally Posted by Suki

What's so wring with my statement? Being a housewife isn't the same as having an actual job. What big ambitions regarding her "job" can one housewife have? None. Because they can't thrive and become better at what they do cause it doesn't really make a difference. If a woman chooses to be a housewife it's fine, I don't have anything against it, all I'm saying is she shouldn't be pushed to quit her job because society expects her to. And I'm not saying "let all women work hard while men stay home and take care of the kids", what I'm saying is (and I'm quoting Robin this time):





I never said anything resembling that. Get over it.

Are you so sure because it sure read like that to me. You were really saying that nothing would get in the way of your career choice.

[RobinMask]

Originally Posted by dogsbody70

Are you so sure because it sure read like that to me. You were really saying that nothing would get in the way of your career choice.

I'll refrain from saying what it sounds to me like Suki actually said, because she can speak for herself when she sees the message later, and because it's starting to feel rude to me with all this 'what Suki said' business that a few of us have started to do . . .

How I interpretted her messages however was - and my own personal opinion on things is - that women should have a choice whether to work, or stay at home, or both, and if a woman wants to work and have a career whilst having children then she should be able to. It shouldn't have to be either/or, where you have to sacrifice either family to have a career or a career to have a family. Likewise the role of 'caregiver' to the children shouldn't be automatically given to the 'woman', because men are just as capable of looking after children as women are, and - in a fair world - both should have equal roles in raising the children and support each other both with childrearing and with their careers. It's perfectly possible to balance both

[dogsbody70]

ah well Robin it just goes to show how the written word can be so easily mis-interpreted.

PEACE.

[Suki]

Originally Posted by dogsbody70

Are you so sure because it sure read like that to me. You were really saying that nothing would get in the way of your career choice.

Yes, I am 100% sure of what I wrote. And never, not once, did I say I wanted a husband who'd sacrifice his job for our children so that I could keep mine.

And that's right, I don't want anything getting in the way of my career, but that's because I'm not considering children yet. When I do have them, I might have to rearrange some things and make time for my kids, but I'm still not gonna quit my job cause I believe I can do both.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by RobinMask

Likewise the role of 'caregiver' to the children shouldn't be automatically given to the 'woman', because men are just as capable of looking after children as women are, and - in a fair world - both should have equal roles in raising the children and support each other both with childrearing and with their careers. It's perfectly possible to balance both

I have broken this thread off from the Asian Men and Women thread, as it is no longer about that, and hasn't been for several pages.

I am curious about this idea that men and women should have equal roles in child raising and careers. I guess that would be pretty neat, but it isn't really realistic. There are reasons "mother" and "father" are not the same word. Ultimately both play very important roles, but they aren't the same role.

For both a mother and a father to have a career, something has to be sacrificed. That would be child raising.