[Nyororin]

They also make you jump right into the 丁寧語 instead of the dictionary form (you learn 食べます before 食べる, what the heak?!)

I agree with you about the order of study - "dictionary" should come before formal, in my opinion, if you`re aiming for anything requiring comprehension... But good luck on finding ANY decent textbook that does this. They all start with です・ます.
I believe this goes back to most adults studying Japanese for actual real life use doing so for business. The goal is to acquire enough to sound decent in business interactions.

Originally Posted by Khengi

The problem with these textbooks is they try to teach you how to JUMP right into talking to Japanese people so they can 'ooh' and 'ahh', but you will not be proficient in the language. You will not last more than 7 seconds in a conversation, and you will only know proper Japanese, which is not really used in casual situations. (cut)

I don't know, it may just be my own personal problem, but I don't like the really simple books that try to keep the student from being overwhelmed. Let's put it simply, Japanese is not an English speaker's dream language in terms of simplicity, so at one point or another, you'll probably be overwhelmed, whether it be with Kanji, Counters, etc. But that doesn't mean you should dumb down the student in hopes that they can take in everything easily.

You`re contradicting yourself.
It is VERY hard to stay away from teaching you to jump into speaking Japanese without being overwhelming. It`s very hard to have both a book that is simple and teaches you well, but yet which lets you be overwhelmed because it is inevitable. Those traits contradict each other and provide little advantage when slapped together. You`d have something that was overwhelming in it`s depth, but which didn`t try to give you the means to use that knowledge in a quick-route-to-conversation.
A dictionary, perhaps?

My Japanese teacher has a no-slang policy, as she is a native from Kansai and feels you should LEARN the language. But upon hearing me speak, she found it hilarious for an American to speak like 'the teenagers' as she said, and allowed me to continue, waiting with baited breath for me to respond humorously

Language isn`t just the words - if you`re speaking to your teacher like teenagers would speak to each other... Maybe you should look into studying culture too. They isn`t something that should be forgiven, no matter how odd it may be.