Please help me to read this English sentence:

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by Koir

Ah, now I understand better. As it was written, I believed it was just to compare the personalities of the sons. If it is possible in future stories that they will go to war with each other, the sentence as I revised it is incorrect.

Suggested new revision:

"I’m dying to know if they will lead their countries to war with each other in the future!"

Koir! Thanks!!
Thant's what I wanted to say! Perfect!
“Lead their countries to war with each other”. This is what I meant. I should have written like this.
Thanks a lot, Koir!

[YuriTokoro]

Hi.
Could you correct my English?

"Roten"

Last night I went to a summer festival in a shrine. There were many roten and yatai, which are small mobile shops.
Yatai generally means a small mobile shop including roten. However, when we say yatai, we think of shops selling food, and when we say roten, we think of shops of toys, willow baskets, goldfish scooping or ring toss. The picture is a roten of shooting game.
In many cases, according to rumor, yatai and roten are affiliated by some gangs. The people selling things at yatai are rated, and the higher people in the rate are supposed to cook food which is complex to make like “okonomiyaki” and “yakisoba”. The lower people are supposed to cook simple food like baked corns. (You know, baked corns only need to be baked.) The highest people aren’t supposed to sell anything, and are supposed to patrol and prevent fittings. (Nobody would start fighting knowing the scary people are walking around.)
That's only a rumor.

Thank you.
Yatai - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Okonomiyaki - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Yakisoba - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://www.kikkoman.co.jp/homecook/s...?numb=00001876 = baked corns

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi.
Could you correct my English?

"Roten"

Last night I went to a summer festival at a shrine. There were many roten and yatai, which are small mobile shops.
Yatai generally means a small mobile shop, a definition that includes roten. However, yatai and roten offer different things. Yatai offers different kinds of food, we think of shops selling food. Roten, on the other hand, offer toys, willow baskets, goldfish scooping or ring toss. The picture shown is of a shooting game roten.
Rumor has it that yatai and roten are affiliated with gangs. The people selling things at yatai have a certain hierarchy: the higher-ranked people cook difficult dishes such as “okonomiyaki” and “yakisoba”. The lower-ranked people cook simpler food like baked corns. (Which, as you may have guessed, only need to be baked.) The highest-ranked people normally don't sell anything, but instead patrol the area and prevent fights. Nobody would start fighting knowing the scary people are walking around.
Again, these observations are only rumors.

Thank you.
Yatai - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Okonomiyaki - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Yakisoba - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://www.kikkoman.co.jp/homecook/s...?numb=00001876 = baked corns

Goldfish scooping...Endless Eight...

*ahem* Sorry. That's just Haruhi trauma still working itself out.

Most of the revisions were done to the concepts being compared, or a single concept being made more specific. I made the guess from your reference that "yatai" was a general term used to describe a mobile stall usually found at festivals. Afterwards, I believed that "roten" were a more specific term for a mobile stall (or yatai) that offered prizes or games. If I am incorrect, please correct me.

The other concept being explained was the hierarchy of workers at a yatai. The sentence explaining the idea was linked to the lowest level of workers in order to signal the reader a list of related concepts was being introduced. The level of worker just below the middle rank *could* have been part of the previous compound sentence, but that would make it far too long and awkward to read or say.

"Fittings" was changed to "fights" because the context seemed to place the highest-ranked worker level in the role of "guard" (or "bouncer"). This makes it link more logically and naturally with the sentence following it which explains the results of having a strong physical presence near the yatai or roten.

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by Koir

Goldfish scooping...Endless Eight...

*ahem* Sorry. That's just Haruhi trauma still working itself out.

Hi, Koir. Thanks.
What’s Haruhi trauma?
Do you mean Haruhi Suzumiya?
Anyway, you know what goldfish scooping is. I’m happy to know that.
I was wondering whether I should tell about it.

Most of the revisions were done to the concepts being compared, or a single concept being made more specific. I made the guess from your reference that "yatai" was a general term used to describe a mobile stall usually found at festivals. Afterwards, I believed that "roten" were a more specific term for a mobile stall (or yatai) that offered prizes or games. If I am incorrect, please correct me.

Roten sell things except food, but we don’t use the words (yatai and roten) very strictly.
I’m sure your revision explains them very good.

The other concept being explained was the hierarchy of workers at a yatai. The sentence explaining the idea was linked to the lowest level of workers in order to signal the reader a list of related concepts was being introduced. The level of worker just below the middle rank *could* have been part of the previous compound sentence, but that would make it far too long and awkward to read or say.

I don’t understand what you mean with “the previous compound sentence”.
Is it the second paragraph?

"Fittings" was changed to "fights" because the context seemed to place the highest-ranked worker level in the role of "guard" (or "bouncer"). This makes it link more logically and naturally with the sentence following it which explains the results of having a strong physical presence near the yatai or roten.

I wanted to write “fighting”. When I write words incorrectly, my word processor changes them to similar words automatically. Thanks for your changing.
Thanks a lot for the great revision, Koir.

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi, Koir. Thanks.
What’s Haruhi trauma?
Do you mean Haruhi Suzumiya?
Anyway, you know what goldfish scooping is. I’m happy to know that.
I was wondering whether I should tell about it.

Yes, I meant Haruhi Suzumiya. That Endless Eight arc made of the same plot repeated five times or so was about three episodes too long. As a result, any time some detail of those episodes (like goldfish scooping) comes up in discussions, I have a bad reaction. It'll pass eventually.

I don’t understand what you mean with “the previous compound sentence”.
Is it the second paragraph?

Previous compound sentence:

"The people selling things at yatai have a certain hierarchy: the higher-ranked people cook difficult dishes such as 'okonomiyaki' and 'yakisoba'."

It's already a long sentence made up of two complete sentences. Making a short list of the different worker levels would have been the ideal situation, but in this case each worker level needs a full sentence and would be too long as a list.

I wanted to write “fighting”. When I write words incorrectly, my word processor changes them to similar words automatically. Thanks for your changing.

Ah, now I see.

Thanks a lot for the great revision, Koir.

Thank you, Yuri. I do what I can.

[YuriTokoro]

Originally Posted by Koir

Yes, I meant Haruhi Suzumiya. That Endless Eight arc made of the same plot repeated five times or so was about three episodes too long. As a result, any time some detail of those episodes (like goldfish scooping) comes up in discussions, I have a bad reaction. It'll pass eventually.

I didn’t know you knew of Haruhi.
You know about Japanese culture very well.

Previous compound sentence:

"The people selling things at yatai have a certain hierarchy: the higher-ranked people cook difficult dishes such as 'okonomiyaki' and 'yakisoba'."

It's already a long sentence made up of two complete sentences. Making a short list of the different worker levels would have been the ideal situation, but in this case each worker level needs a full sentence and would be too long as a list.

“A short list of the different worker levels”. I see.
If I write about all the rank and what each ranked people do in one sentence, that will be too long.

Koir, thanks as always.

[YuriTokoro]

Hi.
Could you correct my English?


"Election Day"

I went and voted today.
Japan has been under a regime of the Liberal Democratic Party(LDP) since 1994. They have issued too many government bonds, and collapsed the social insurance and pension systems.
Now, the Democratic Party of Japan (DPJ) is trying to take the regime. They say they will revive this deeply troubled economy.
Both parties say they will do things successfully, so I have got leaflets of their manifesto.
The contents seem to be almost the same. My point of focus is the appearances.
The leaflet of the DPJ is a paper folded in the middle, and has four pages. It doesn’t seem to be too expensive, and the four pages are enough to know what they will do. It is good moneywise.
On the other hand, The LDP’s leaflet has 20 pages including the cover. The paper quality is better than the DPJ’s. It gives a good impression at first.
However, the contents were not easily understandable or clear. It has redundant description due to too many pages. In addition, it doesn’t have a table of contents. I needed much time to understand the leaflet’s flaming. I judged that this was a waste of paper and money. I don’t think LDP will be able to quit wasteful use of tax revenue. They don’t seem to be smart.
It’s 1:30 pm, August 30, 2009. The result of the vote will be announced tonight.

Thank you.

[Orochitachi]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi.
Could you correct my English?


"Election Day"

I went and voted today.
Japan has been under a regime of the Liberal Democratic Party(LDP) since 1994. They have issued too many government bonds, and collapsed the social insurance and pension systems.
Now, the Democratic Party of Japan (DPJ) is trying to take the regime. They say they will revive this deeply troubled economy.
Both parties say they will do things successfully, so I have got leaflets of their manifesto.
The contents seem to be almost the same. My point of focus is the appearances.
The leaflet of the DPJ is a paper folded in the middle, and has four pages. It doesn’t seem to be too expensive, and the four pages are enough to know what they will do. It is good moneywise.
On the other hand, The LDP’s leaflet has 20 pages including the cover. The paper quality is better than the DPJ’s. It gives a good impression at first.
However, the contents were not easily understandable or clear. It has redundant description due to too many pages. In addition, it doesn’t have a table of contents. I needed much time to understand the leaflet’s flaming. I judged that this was a waste of paper and money. I don’t think LDP will be able to quit wasteful use of tax revenue. They don’t seem to be smart.
It’s 1:30 pm, August 30, 2009. The result of the vote will be announced tonight.

Thank you.

YuriTokoro, I have read your passage , and I must say it's good.
I checked for puntuation and grammar, but I found no flaws untill the last sentence, result, should be results. I may have overlooked but I stand open for correction.

ps.. This shows your english is great compared to some native English speakers.
btw......could you help me learn Japanese.

[Orochitachi]

Originally Posted by Orochitachi

YuriTokoro, I have read your passage , and I must say it's good.
I checked for puntuation and grammar, but I found no flaws untill the last sentence, result, should be results. I may have overlooked but I stand open for correction.

ps.. This shows your english is great compared to some native English speakers.
btw......could you help me learn Japanese.

Yuri, I looked at your blog....I plan on giving it a good perusal tomorrow.

[Koir]

Originally Posted by YuriTokoro

Hi.
Could you correct my English?


"Election Day"

I went and voted today.
Japan has been under the Liberal Democratic Party(LDP) regime since 1994. They have issued too many government bonds, and collapsed the social insurance and pension systems.
Now, the Democratic Party of Japan (DPJ) is trying to take over. They promise to revive the deeply troubled economy.
Both parties say they will do things successfully, so I have got leaflets of their political views.
The contents seem to be almost the same. My focus is on the appearances of the leaflets themselves.
The DPJ is a paper folded in the middle, and contains four pages. It doesn’t look too expensive, and the four pages are enough to know what they will do. It appears to show an efficient spending of money.
On the other hand, The LDP’s leaflet has 20 pages including the cover. The paper quality is better than the DPJ’s so initial impression is good.
However, the contents were not easily understandable or clear. The same descriptions are repeated on multiple pages. Also, there is no table of contents. I needed a lot of time to understand the ideas the leaflet presented. I judged that this was a waste of paper and money. This, to me, means that the LDP will be unable to quit their wasteful use of tax revenue. They don’t seem to be smart.
It’s 1:30 pm, August 30, 2009. The result of the vote will be announced tonight.

Thank you.

Some news about the election has appeared on Canadian news stations already. They mainly concentrate on how such a change in Japanese politics will affect the balance of power in the region (especially concerning North Korea and China). Based on early indications, I conclude most of the opinions I've seen are based on the fear of the unknown that comes from a lack of control of the political landscape. Fifteen years of same-party policies can establish some bad habits, as your examination of the LDP's pamphlet shows.

Most of the revisions, again, were to move around or merge ideas together to aid in quicker understanding of concepts. The main change made was to change the sentence that contained "flaming" to a description of the time needed to understand the central ideas of the LDP's pamphlet.

Hope that helps, Yuri.